I still haven't made peace with the fact that my scale was so off. This morning as I was blow drying my hair, I had my head hung upside down and I glanced out of the corner of my eye at the inert hunk of metal and wiring that has ruined my week. It seemed to be mocking me! It was all I could do to not kick it across the floor. Being the mature fat woman that I am though, I kept it in check.
Realistically speaking..I know it's not the fault of the scale. It wasn't there all those years I was stuffing everything not nailed down into my yap. It didn't have me chained to the sofa so I couldn't (wouldn't) exercise. But it's so much easier to blame a hunk of metal than the real person at fault here.
So, I'm pouting today. Because I feel so much like I've gone a full circle right back to the beginning. I should've known. While clothes were getting looser ( my super-fat wardrobe) I still wasn't fitting as well into my Phase II -duds which considering my weight (or what I thought it to be) should have been happening.
I think the biggest problem we big people have is that we're not honest with ourselves. About anything. About how much we eat....how much we move....and how gosh darn heavy we allowed ourselves to become. Every now and then reality creeps in and taps me on the shoulder. Like when I'm walking past a large window and catch my reflection. (Of course I ell myself it must be the glass...) Come on - the glass? Or when I see a picture of myself. That one smacks. Because in my head I still am the skinny cheerleader I was in my youth.
I think my blog pal Cactus Freak said it best when she named her blog. Thin Girl Hiding in a Fat Suit. Yep. That's what I am. Why can't I let her out? I know she's in there.
So I'll pout another day or so. Hopefully I won't eat myself silly in the meantime. Because I really want there to be.....Less of Me.