Off To The Lake!

It's 10 minutes and counting until "bug-out time" - the official moniker my kids used for departure time when we'd head off for the lake.

Everything's packed (I think). The weather report looks good.....son-in-law has purchased the necessary explosives required for Wednesday - as in fireworks for the 4th of July! it's always a spectacle on the lake and because this year the 4th falls mid-week, there'll be fireworks on Wednesday, Friday and Saturday!

I'm so looking forward to closing the door here on this house and kicking back for 8 days. Because hubby won't be joining me until next Friday - I can plan meals at my leisure and eat grilled veggies every night if I want and not feel the need to make a big breakfast each morning. I plan on taking grandbaby on many walks around the lake.

There is a scale there to keep me at least focused somewhat.

As for Mr. ImAnAss....if he pulls any of his crapola I'm in a fighting back mood. And I have the number to the county sheriff on my fridge. If only this could be the weekend they nail him! Last summer they got him for indecent exposure - mooning boaters. I'm telling you - they guy is certifiably whacko. And mean.

So anyhoo - I'm signing off until next Sunday or Monday. No internet. No TV. Just the wonderful aroma of the pines....the sound of the water lapping the shore.....the loons signing their songs in the evening.....oh yeah - almost forgot what holiday this is! The constant baboom! of bottle rockets and cherry bombs throughout the day for those that can't wait till it gets dark. but that's okay. Wouldn't be the 4th without it!

Have a great week! Eat well. Move much. Have fun!

On Top of The Hill!

Happy Birthday to me! Today is my actual birthday (the surprise party a while back was held early enough to throw me off.) I'm fifty. Yep...the big 5-0! As in "half century" and officially at the top of that proverbial "hill".

It's funny. Everything still looks the same from up here. I suppose all that's changed is that I'll start getting AARP stuff in the mail (American Association for Retired People). And I can get a discount at McDonald's now too. Oh joy...like I need that!

An awful lot happened in the last 50 years. I became an orphan at 40 (lost both parents in the same month) and a widow at 45. Years ago, had anyone asked me how I'd cope in the face of such tremendous loss I'd have said I couldn't. But I did and I have and I will again. I'd wouldn't be honest if I said I did it all on my own because I truly know the only way I made it through those dark years was by the grace of God. His strength has seen me through some pretty tough times and I know that there will be tougher times ahead. Hey - I'm not being a pessimist here - it's just life!

So tomorrow I head down to the lake. I'm excited for the down time but a little apprehensive about the neighbor situation (can anyone say JERK!) Hubby won't be joining me until next weekend so I'll have to contend with Mr. "ImAnAss" all by my lonesome. I'm feeling feisty now that I'm 50. Perhaps the fireworks won't only be on the 4th of July this year!

As for the big meeting yesterday at the In-laws last night....guess they decided on a party after all. (My brother-in-law said they wanted to take us on a trip! I had my bags all mentally packed!) Now it's back to a party. A BIG party. Like around 300 people with a band and dinner and open bar! Yikes! Glad they're paying! I think mom wanted the trip and dad wanted the party. Looks like dad won.

"Inspired"

Yesterday a fellow blogger ~ Lauren , sent me a link to a very cool website. It's the homepage for a new movie that has not yet been released called Inspired . People...this is a movie made for us! I'm not sure how Lauren heard about it but I am SO grateful she shared it with me! Go visit the website and navigate around. I haven't been able to view all pages yet but I plan to before I leave for the lake Saturday!

From what I can gather, the movie deals with the struggles and triumphs of people embarking a the journey of weight loss. I've always been inspired by the TV shows that chronicle the successful journey of fellow dieters - but squeezing so much into so little time always leaves me wanting more! So much is left out when you try to fit a person's life neatly into an hour-long segment plus commercial breaks. This movie will be different. (I hope).

If anyone knows when the release date will be, please share it here so we can all be watching for it.

Now I'm off to Mom-in-laws for dinner and a family meeting. She and dad-in-law will be celebrating their 50th anniversary in August and when we mentioned a party she poo-pooed the idea and said they have something else in mind. We're suppose to bring our calendars with possible vacation dates. Hmmm.....could be interesting. I'll let 'cha know tomorrow what transpires!

Remembering 5 fine Young Ladies......

Today has been a very somber day in our community. Last night 5 students from the graduating class in my school, were tragically killed in an automobile accident. They were wonderful young women with bright, promising futures. They were headed off to stay at the cottage of a friend in the Finger Lakes. Five girls were in one car and four in the car following them. No one knows yet, quite what happened except that they veered into the path of a tractor trailer truck and both the car & the truck burst into flames. The driver of the truck is okay but the 5 girls were trapped inside the burning vehicle and could not be saved. I did not know all of these girls personally except for one, whose sister was a student of mine.

My heart breaks for the families of these young ladies. They just graduated on Thursday with all of the hopes and dreams that every child has as they clutch that diploma and gaze ahead into the future. All of their dreams for careers, marriages, children...went up in the flames that engulfed their car. The parents and families of these girls will never, ever be the same.

Life is not a "given" for any of us. We never know when we wake up each morning if it will be our last.

I know personally that there are times I tend to pin all of my "happiness" on the "whens" of life. When the new house is built....when I get that raise....when I finally lose the weight.... But "When" is today! If we spend too much time looking ahead on this journey called life - waiting to pull into that final destination that we think is going to make our lives complete - we lose sight of the scenery along the way.

A wise person once said the "life is what happens when you're busy making other plans..."

This morning before sunrise over 100 kids were gathered on the hill behind the school. Just to be together. To draw strength from one another in the face of this terrible loss. Please pray for the families of these young girls. And pray for the students who are trying to make sense of all this.

I Need A U-Turn - Real Quick!

Have you noticed I haven't written much lately about how great I'm doing with my diet and exercise? Probably because I'm not! I seem to be in a funk. It's so darn hot (in the 90's and humid as heck) that I can't bring myself to go out for a walk. And I seem to want to graze all day long. It was so much easier in school. I had planned breaks and if I got hungry it wasn't like I could grab a bag of chips in the middle of a lesson on contour drawing and start stuffing my face. The healthy lunch I prepared in the morning while my reserve was still good was all I had come the noon hour.

My will power just seems to be waning. This morning my daughter and I took my car for an oil change and inspection. A truly bonding experience. The car now has fresh oil but it failed the inspection. I leave for the lake Saturday. The current inspection expires that same day. *sigh* So I say to daughter dear, let's stop at Bill Gray for a bite to eat - which translates into burgers, fries and onion rings washed down with diet Pepsi's. Aren't we just wonderful girls getting diet soft drinks...excuse us while we polish our halos. The car still needs to pass inspection but darn if don't feel better now. Not!

So after eating all that crap of course we both feel guilty. And now I really, really, really need to get back on track here! I don't think I ever fully recovered from the scale fiasco. And I'm nervous about my week at the lake. There is no Internet there which means no daily support from my fellow bloggers and their words of wisdom.

Not to mention my crazy neighbor who harasses us 24/7 down there. He is totally loco and can get my blood boiling in 2 seconds flat. He sprays pesticides on our well, sawed off part of our stairs last year, put water in the boat motor, turns on the propane valve on our gas grill when we're gone, parks his car in front of ours to block us in....oh crap! don't get me started! I could go on and on about him and his jerky wife. We were friends while first hubby was alive. When I eventually remarried he decided he didn't like hubby #2 and the saga began. Hubby #2 is very likable - and if truth be known - hubby #1 hated our jerk of a neighbor.

The local police can't do anything because we can't catch him red- handed. They want us to install cameras. Not an expense we're prepared to take right now. So....I'm heading down there for some R&R mixed with a little BS on the side. And I know how I get when somethings' eating at me. I get to eating myself!

As if all that isn't enough....I turn on the radio yesterday and this man is preaching from the bible about forgiveness and how we need to turn the other cheek and continue loving our enemies even as they continue to persecute us. I hate it when I get convicted like that! I know that I should "kill him with kindness." I'd rather just kill him. (not really...!) but I'm not quite ready to pass him an olive branch just yet.

Too Much Stuff!

Whew! It's hot here and only supposed to get hotter! Wish we had central air *sigh* I spent most of yesterday at the other house - packing up 20+ years of junk my beloved (pack rat) hubby has accumulated during his days of bachelordom. Most of his belongings came to my house when we got married 3 years ago, but there is still a lot of crap - that's CRAP with capital "C"! at the old house. He saves everything!

So as he's working outside building a sandbox for grand baby (and future grand babies - hint, hint daughters) I'm inside with strict orders not to throw ANYTHING out without asking first. Ummm....yeah...righty-o pardner. The house is only 700 square feet right now. The new addition entails knocking out the west all of the house which will enlarge those 2 rooms by 6 feet each, and then adding a 24 x 24 great room beyond that with 3 bedrooms and a bath above that. But before they can begin taking that end of the house off - we need to clear those 2 rooms. So he has this one whole wall of junk he calls his "collection". I'm not sure what it's a collection of. I try to wrap and pack things in some semblance of order. There are lanterns. TONS of lanterns. Okay....so maybe we can incorporate a lantern theme in the den. Then there are cigarette cans. The real old kind that I guess they once sold cigarettes in. They're kind of neat. I like antiques. We may be able to display these somewhere. But the rest? Egads! There are these old blue glass insulators that he insists are collectors items. Maybe they are. I'm sure we only have the $3-5 ones. Then he has old old jars - some are okay - most are dumb. Old matchbooks, a monkey toy that pulls his pants down (that's a keeper...), trivets that were probably his mother's (and she can have them back!), a dog collar that has a tuft of fur still on it from his Great Dane that died 8 years ago, a piece of blanket from the same dog's bed, need I go on? We've got the dog's ashes on display for goodness sake's! (Great Dane - lots of ashes!) Suffice to say I got 6 boxes full of stuff. And there's so much more to sort through.

I tried to box things according to "maybe we'll use again...probably won't use again....and "not on your life!" Of course it's not my call. It's his junk. So I'm hoping that after I put a few things on display, he'll forget about the other boxes and they'll sit in the basement for the kids to sort through someday when we're both gone.

And did I mention the cow stuff? His nickname is "Cow" (got it when he was a little boy and had a pair of jammies with cows on them). Needless to say everyone in the world has fobbed onto this and feels the need to give him something cow related at every given opportunity. He has cows everywhere!! Cow flags, cow dishes, cow pictures, cow books, cow t-shirts, a cow tea pot, a cow ice cream scoop, a cow toilet plunger!! The cow thing is not going to be easy. I've slowly started moving some things to the outdoor kitchen area and outdoor lav. Maybe we can keep the herd outside - where it belongs.

Anyhoo - I spent hours in there and I barely made a dent. He now has to go through the magazines I boxed (there are 4 boxes) and make sure he doesn't still "need" any. Some date back to 2000. He needs to purge. Mercilessly. It's not that I don't save. I'm as sentimental as the next person. But I've learned that "things"...while they make evoke memories - are not necessary to hold onto the person (or dog) that's gone. I suggested we get him some old photo boxes and label them. "Grandma"....."Bozworth" etc. And he can store several special items in each that he wants to keep to remember them by. I've done that and it works. The items are at hand - I can open a box at any given time and sift through the contents...shed a few tears and put them back.

The only good thing about spending all day doing that - was that I couldn't eat! The indoor fridge is turned off and the cupboards are empty. So I drank lots of water. When I was done I went out back to see how the sandbox was doing and we shared the remnants of a sub he'd bought for lunch Saturday and never finished. Things taste better when you're really hungry. Even soggy subs.

Oh....and the book above? I've read it. If you suffer from packrat syndrome (like my dear sweet hubby) it's a 'must read!"

The First Night of Summer....

Last night I packed up my grandson and a picnic supper and we headed over to the other house. Hubby was just finishing up work on his last machine so grand baby & I took a walk to the pond and checked out the status of the tadpoles. They're getting mighty big! Hubby says they'll be bullfrogs soon enough.

It was so much fun to watch the wonder in his little 2 1/2 year old eyes as he squatted down for a closer look. Hubby soon joined us and we took a ride on the golf cart to the back swamp area. The water there is completely covered by a thin layer of lime green algae. There were hundreds of snaking lines throughout the surface that told where the turtles had been...and where they were going. Just before we turned to go , we spotted a mama wood duck with her little brood following close behind. At least all the duckies didn't get eaten by whatever lurks in the woods....

The baby giggled out loud as we rode around, pointing at everything he saw - trying out new words and storing all this info that he would someday take for granted and never recall when it was that he learned it for the first time.

We came back to the outdoor kitchen area and hubby lit the grill while I got our dinner ready. A healthy tomato and fresh basil salad, grilled chicken thighs and brown rice. It was a yummy meal and hit the spot just right on a cool summer evening such as last night was. We got a campfire going to take the chill off and turned on a mellow jazz station. Hubby hit the switch for the tiki lights we have strung around the pavilion and we just sat there relaxing and remarking how summer has only yet- just begun!

The crickets and bullfrogs started their chorus at dusk and this being right around one of the longest days of the year - it was a little later than usual. And then it happened! Every year I forget until I first spy them. The fire flies! We have them by the thousands in our woods and sometimes I swear they put on a better display than you'll find on the 4th of July! They start out just one here and then one there until pretty soon they're blinking their secret codes to one another in a sparkling symphony of lights!

We bundled grand baby up and headed out to the edge of the woods. There we parked and just watched the show. He was as equally delighted as his grandparents were! Clapping and squealing as he repeated "fur fy! - fur fy!" It was a later night than usual for him, but hey! We're the grandparents. We can do that!

So this post had nothing really to do with food or dieting or anything else. But on the tail of yesterday's blog - there was some stress relieving relaxation going on!

Ah summer....bring it on!

Can Stress Make Me Fat?

I'm free!!! After a brief assembly this morning honoring our retirees we were set loose from our cages to roam the earth for the next 11 weeks! There's so much I want to do - coupled with so much I NEED to do - that I don't know where to start!

The house needs attention in every way. Deep cleaning - everywhere! Yuk. The gardens around the house need weeding, pruning, planting - they look like crap. It's hard living between two houses. Our hearts are already at the new one as we plan landscaping, siding, windows, fancy brick sidewalks, a hot tub.... the current house has fallen by the wayside. My heart's just not in it anymore. But I know that when we put it on the market eventually, that we'll need to muster up lots of TLC if we want to interest anyone. Right now it's all so overwhelming. Thank goodness the youngest daughter and her hubby are living at the lake this summer before they head back to Massachusetts in the fall. At least we don't have to worry about the upkeep there.

So....I guess it would be safe to say there's a lot of stress floating around here which in turn means there's also a lot of Cortisol. When we're stressed - our bodies make Cortisol and Cortisol makes us fat. I won't go into the details here - the link I've provided can tell you all you need to know. In the face of all this - exercise becomes even more important if we want to slim down because it helps relieve stress. So does a good night's sleep. Along with eating healthy foods....

I've noticed that many of us have posted our lists of mini-goals to help us on our journeys....and all are noble! But I've noticed than none of us ever mentions "reduce my stress level". I think we need to pay attention to that. I'm thinking it's a key factor here. So step outside today and take a deep breath. Relax your whole body, close your eyes and savor the feel of the sunshine as it plays across your face (or the brisk breeze depending on your hemisphere)! Don't take your mental to-do list out there with you. Don't take your worries or your what-ifs. Just relax for a good 5 minutes and bask in the beauty of being alive.

We all face a difficult journey on this road to weight loss. A little less stress will do our bodies good!

And I'm still waiting for those recipes! I know some of you Weight-Watcher people must have a recipe or two you learned along the way! Share!

It's Over.....

Ever wonder what a teacher does on the last full day of school? Nothing. Zip. Nada. Classes have been out since a week ago Tuesday. The kids come in only if they have a scheduled Regents exam. I don't see them. I've had 7 days to grade finals, do report cards, clean my room, turn in all the required stuff on my blue sheet (that's our ticket out of here....gotta' turn in your keys, grade books, failure notices, yada, yada, yada...) Tomorrow we show up to get our payccheck and have a little gathering with coffee and treats. *sigh*

So here I sit - all day - with with absolutely nothing to do! Yep. That's what we teachers do on the last full day. It's not so bad. Boring. But hey - the stress is over, the summer looms ahead, and September seems a long way off.

I'm planning a trip to the lake on the 30th to spend a week kicking back and soaking up the sun. In the meantime - my walking regime is going to get fine-tuned so that I never miss a day. I'm looking forward to all the fresh veggies at the Farmer's Market as well as the goodies we have planted in our garden at home. Hubby planted corn, beets, sweet potatoes, peppers (all varieties), carrots, radishes, peas, beans, tomatoes, zucchini, pumpkins and garlic. Yumm! Can't wait for the harvest! We grill a lot in the summer so meals are on the healthier edge. It's the darn salads that do me in. Anyone have some good alternative summer salad recipes that are healthy? Or meal ideas too?

If every lurker out there posts one - we can have our own little recipe book to get us through the next 2 months. (My winter friends on the other side of the globe....you can help out too!)

Do share!

And the Rains Came Down....

Yesterday I stepped out at noon to get some thank you notes and the storm came full force. What a doozy! It was like a mini hurricane! The stop signs tipped over, mulch was blowing out of the road side gardens and the dust was whipping around so much it looked like a blizzard! It reminded me of the dust storms I saw in Mexico. Then came the rain and lightning. Pretty amazing to see nature in all it's glory.

We really needed the rain. Our lawns were brown and crispy and the poor gardens were struggling. What we didn't need was the wind - which knocked out a power line and left us in the dark from about 5:30 until sometime in the middle of the night. It would've been cozy to light candles and snuggle in while the storm raged on - but the storm had stopped so it was getting warm again. We had closed all our windows earlier in the day to keep the rain out so the house was stuffy when we got home. Who wants to light candles when it's hot? And of course the fans didn't work - and the window AC unit wouldn't work. It was interesting. This morning we had power but there are still 4500 people without.

Anyway - we made dinner in the dark and ate by a lit candle. It wasn't so bad. We couldn't watch the telly so I wasn't tempted to mindlessly snack. No wonder the pioneers were thin. (Of course the heavy labor probably helped a tad too...)

On another note - I think I'm close to making a truce with the scale. I'm getting used to the new number and when it recorded a loss of 1/2 pound I felt like I was moving back in the right direction. I won't say I'm done totally reeling though. But in all fairness - it's the OLD scale that let me down.

Will I ever stop obsessing about this?

I'm Not Over it Yet....

I still haven't made peace with the fact that my scale was so off. This morning as I was blow drying my hair, I had my head hung upside down and I glanced out of the corner of my eye at the inert hunk of metal and wiring that has ruined my week. It seemed to be mocking me! It was all I could do to not kick it across the floor. Being the mature fat woman that I am though, I kept it in check.

Realistically speaking..I know it's not the fault of the scale. It wasn't there all those years I was stuffing everything not nailed down into my yap. It didn't have me chained to the sofa so I couldn't (wouldn't) exercise. But it's so much easier to blame a hunk of metal than the real person at fault here.

So, I'm pouting today. Because I feel so much like I've gone a full circle right back to the beginning. I should've known. While clothes were getting looser ( my super-fat wardrobe) I still wasn't fitting as well into my Phase II -duds which considering my weight (or what I thought it to be) should have been happening.

I think the biggest problem we big people have is that we're not honest with ourselves. About anything. About how much we eat....how much we move....and how gosh darn heavy we allowed ourselves to become. Every now and then reality creeps in and taps me on the shoulder. Like when I'm walking past a large window and catch my reflection. (Of course I ell myself it must be the glass...) Come on - the glass? Or when I see a picture of myself. That one smacks. Because in my head I still am the skinny cheerleader I was in my youth.

I think my blog pal Cactus Freak said it best when she named her blog. Thin Girl Hiding in a Fat Suit. Yep. That's what I am. Why can't I let her out? I know she's in there.

So I'll pout another day or so. Hopefully I won't eat myself silly in the meantime. Because I really want there to be.....Less of Me.

ARGHHHH!

Yesterday was a rotten day. Which sounds weird I guess, since I was on such a high Saturday after that marvelous surprise party.

I went to the mall after church to hit the local bookstore. I am required to read one chapter in this certain book for my "classroom management" course and report on it tonight. The book is checked out in every library within a 20 mile radius of my town. And because it's a new release it's only out in hardcover. I can't justify shelling out $26.00 to read one chapter. So I found it at the bookstore and plopped myself down in one of the overstuffed chairs in the reading section and read my chapter. Then I put it back on the shelf. Okay. So far so good. Then I went to one of the department stores and bought a new pair of spiffy sunglasses with one of the gift certificates I received Saturday. (Ever notice how cool you feel in a new pair of shades?) So...still good. Moving right along I decide that it's probably time to update my scale. The one I've been using is ancient and it eats through batteries at an alarming rate. So I use some more birthday cash and get a new scale. Digital, weighs in .1 pound increments and measures body fat, has memory store and all that other happy stuff that I'll never use. Just give me the numbers, baby.

Again - I'm still feeling pretty good. You know where this is going don't you? So I drive home with my sporty new sunglasses on, my required chapter read, and my new scale in the back seat. As soon as I get home I unwrap the scale, quickly read the directions and bring it upstairs. I set the old one in the hall and put the new one in the place of honor. I step on. And I scream! It can't be! This is not right! I take all my clothes off. I step on again. Okay. So my clothes weighed 1.7 pounds. I'm still in shock! This new scale is 12 pounds heavier than the old one!

Relatively speaking - I just regained the 12 pounds I lost in one fell swoop! Well...I know I didn't actually regain them. Even though my old scale was off - it still measured that I'd lost 12 pounds. It's just that the starting and ending numbers are very much different. Which means that my actual starting weight was not 185 as I'd thought. It was 197!!!

So I have to change my weight tracker now. And I feel like crap. I know it's just a number - but it's a HIGH number! (did I actually call my scale "beloved" last week??) And even though in my head I know that I really did lose those 12 pounds - I'm still feeling like crapola.

An addendum to this little tale.....hubby came home later on that evening and went up to take a shower. I stood at the bottom of the stairs and waited. As I expected - he screamed too.

SURPRISE!!!!!!!!!

Wow! Last night has to be tops on the list of one of life's greatest moments! My brother and his wife had invited us over for a cook-out. I dutifully made my cucumber salad and was deciding what I would be eating and what I would pass on. As I walked through the garage door I was greeted by a loud chorus of SURPRISE!!!!! I couldn't believe my eyes! It was a surprise birthday party! I was surrounded by so many friends and family all together in one place. Then I started seeing old high school friends! It was like a mini-reunion!

My three wonderful daughters and hubby planned this whole thing with the help of my siblings. The party theme was a luau and they placed a lei around my neck as soon as I caught my breath. It was wonderful! My brother has a lovely 3 tiered backyard with an in ground pool and an outdoor bar. The landscaping is awesome right down to the waterfall. A perfect setting for a "tropical" evening. The weather was perfect too!

They began planning this fiasco months ago and I swear I never once caught on. Now I'm turning 50 in a few weeks (June 29th to be exact) so this was early enough that I didn't have an inkling to the events of last night. I really thought it was just a cook out for me & my sibs. We always do our summer birthdays in July at my brother's cottage (we lump 'em all into one big party and call it Christmas in July) so I figured they'd probably do a little something special that weekend. Never like it was last night!

And I got so many wonderful gifts too! I figured at a 50th you'd get the proverbial "old fart" gag stuff. (I did get a T-shirt that says "I'm still hot - it just comes in flashes now!" but I got some really wonderful things too! Several gift certificates to Spas, restaurants and clothing stores...a beautiful vase, a diamond pendant from my sibs....it was all so amazing!

And you know what? I don't think I even once worried about how much I weighed. I was too overwhelmed with the love pouring out of all these people to give it a passing thought. Now today I saw a pic of me and my high school pals and I am definitely the super-sized one....ouch! (I'm on the far right - the one on the far left just lost 30 pounds but you can't tell in this pic) but I'm still too up to care right now.

Anyhoo - today I'm pretty bushed. But I'm thankful. Thankful that I have family and friends that care so much. Thankful that I am healthy and whole as I reach the pinnacle of that hill we all dread. And thankful that officially - I have 2 more weeks left to be in my 40's!

How 'Bout Those Legs!

Whenever "shorts" season arrives - I find myself feeling a little vulnerable. In the winter it's easy to hide those ripply, white gams - but in the summer - well...all's out for the world to see.

I had an aunt once (well, I still have her) but I remember as a kid how she never, ever wore shorts. Or dresses. And I never once in my whole lifetime saw her don a swimsuit (and she had a pool!) No matter how hot, or how humid - she always wore pants. Those icky polyester duds that were fashionable several decades ago. She thought she was fat. But relatively speaking - she really wasn't. She was a bit overweight - but still looked good to me in my youthful bliss.

And as I look back I think of how sad her life must have been (at least in the respect of letting her weight cripple her.) She never in her adult life - went swimming. Ever. She always sat on the side lines at picnic and parties. She wasn't a participate in life. She was a bystander. She just spent her life watching it go by.

I don't want to be like that.

I want to live my life. I want to enjoy it. We fickle creatures that make up the female population seem to think the whole world is watching us. And judging us. They're not. They're worried about themselves. And how they look. And how they're being judged.

So I wear shorts! But I make sure my legs are always shaved and I wear self-tanner. Can I drop a name here? I always use Loreal Sunnless Tanner . It has a tint to it, so you can see where it's going (meaning no streaks) and you get an instant tan instead of waiting for hours for it to appear. I remember once I used this other brand and the trolloped off to a picnic only to find several hours later (to my horror) that I had this huge brown spot on the back of one thigh and a stripe running across the front of one of my shins!

I only use it on my legs. Somehow tanned legs look slimmer. They appear to have more definition. Spider veins diminish too. And the best part is I don't feel self-conscious anymore. An added bonus is that the walking has firmed up my calves (which makes my ankles look trimmer!)

So this babe isn't going to let life slip by while she waits for thin. Thin will come. Life will not wait for that day. It doesn't have a pause button. Or rewind.

I wish someone had told my aunt that.

Summer Temptations

Today brought yet another temptation of summer. You know, the best time for me to go on a diet has always been winter. I don't know why. You'd think with all the holiday celebrations it would be the opposite. I never have been one to gain during that stretch of time. But come summer - it's a whole new ballgame.

Picnics, barbecues and impromptu meals are the norm. And let's face it - summer food is not all that healthy. Oh sure, there are lots of fresh fruits and veggies ripe for the picking but look at the rest of it! Hot dogs, hamburgers, Italian sausage, macaroni salad, potato salad, pasta salad, three bean salad, coleslaw, pork and beans....the list goes on! I have a real hard time turning that stuff down when it's all set out before me smorgasbord style.

So, I'm sitting in my classroom all by my lonesome today grading exams and one of my colleagues walks in and tells me that our wing is meeting at noon for a cookout. Every year during exam week, they roll out a big grill into the center courtyard and a group of teachers bring something to pass and we have a picnic. I was caught off guard because I had planned on grabbing a salad for lunch and eating alone. (The cafeteria is closed for the summer now.) So I said "Uhmm...okay...I'll run to the market and get something." I got some fresh strawberries and some lo-fat yogurt dip. I figured that was somewhat healthy.

So I ate a strawberry and had a burger and a little side of spaghetti that the Home-Ec teacher brought. Her students had made some sauce in their last class and she said we just must try it. (It was good!) And I had a brownie.

Gheesh. Have I no backbone? I just don't want to be one of those people who sit there and eat like a bird and make everyone else feel dumb. (Like the one teacher who read the back of the yogurt dip and freaked out because it had 9 grams of sugar.) There were no saturated or trans fats and it was 70 calories for 2 TBS. I wasn't asking her to spoon feed herself out of the container. Just dip a freaking berry for gosh sakes. Or don't But don't make everyone else feel bad!

But - on a good note - I didn't eat anything else...and my spaghetti serving was really small...and I passed on the garlic bread and the chips and everything else. This staff picnic thing will be going on throughout next Wednesday. I'm already planning my excuses. Meeting someone for lunch (myself).....have to enter grades in the computer...cleaning my classroom...

But it's going to be a tough summer. I'm hoping that if I can keep to my sane eating most of the time - I'll be okay. Maybe I need to go try my bathing suit on. That might help motivate me!

Whoa! Smack! Help!

Today has been a disaster! Food wise that is. I could see this bump in the road coming and try as I could to swerve around it - I still ran smack dab into it.

First I'll tell you what happened - then I'll tell you why.

The past few days I've been slipping a little. Skipping the exercise (granted I've been busy and there aren't enough hours in the day) but still - I need to carve out a niche that's just for me and my sneakers. I've also become, shall we say - lax - in my food journal. Even though I keep it with me, for the past few days I've not bothered to record what I've eaten. And damn if it isn't true that the perverse little brains of us fat people really do believe after a bit, that if we didn't write it - we didn't eat it!

So okay, I've been kind of good - resisting the donut holes, eating salads, yada yada. But today I stepped out to run an errand on my lunch hour and while I was at Wegman's I meandered through the food court area. The one where they serve various slices of delicious gourmet pizza. I couldn't resist. I've been good I told myself. After a little bit more of my propagandizing (is that a word?) to myself, I heard myself saying, "I'll take a slice of that thar' spinach ricotta pizza...and could you warm it up, please?" While waiting for the pizza to heat up, my attention turned to the chicken tenders that were calling my name from under the warming light. Ever notice how they display that stuff not only at eye-level but nose-level as well?! So I put some in a take out box with a side of barbecue sauce. I then proceeded to my car (after paying of course) and ate it all down. All while doing this I was reading an old issue of Oprah magazine (March) - the one that has the article about diet blogging in it. As I re-read the article, leaving a trail of greasy finger prints on each page - one thing kept coming back out at me. The honesty and candor that we in the blogging world not only expect, but demand from one another. Sometimes we can get so smug in what's working for us right now, that we are afraid... embarrassed... ashamed to 'fess up to what isn't. So I knew I had to write about this little binge as soon as I got back to my classroom. (Even thought the kiddos are out for the year - we teachers still have to show our faces for another two weeks.) When I got back to the room I figured I would first hit the vending machine and get something really chocolately (since I was on a roll here) but caught myself and reached for the emergency bag of cheerios, almonds and dried cranberries I keep stashed in my purse. Not that I needed to eat anything else(!) but the latter was the best choice if one was going to be made. Score one - Lora ~ zero - chocolate bar!

So there you have it. I slipped. Big time. And I feel bloated and crappy and defeated. The only thing left to do (besides pick myself up and get back on the train again) is to try to analyze what went wrong. I already know the journaling (or lack thereof) had some effect on things. Not exercising also played into it. When you're taking the time to break a sweat - you think twice before shoving something you know you shouldn't''t be eating, into your pie hole. Aside from being complacent though - there was something else going on. Something that if I look back, always goes on when I'm trying to lose weight. As soon as I start to feel good - as soon as those numbers on Mr. Scale start cooperating..and as soon as I can slip into something I haven't been able to in a while - this false sense of over-confidence envelops me and I decide that I somehow deserve to indulge. Or over-indulge for want of a better word.

So I've got two choices here. Move forward or backward. I'm choosing forward. I refuse to look at today as a complete failure. Yes I bombed it. But it's done. I've spilled my guts and now I can press on. Perhaps my binge wasn't over the top (relatively speaking) but it was the start of a big slide down a slippery slope.

I feel better now. Bloated, but better.

School's Almost Over!

Yesterday was the last day of classes for our students. From here on in, they show up if the have a exam scheduled - but I officially have no more students ! It's bittersweet though. There are some I will really miss. Others...well. Let's just say TGIS! (Thank God it's summer!)

Anyway...I passed a big hurdle yesterday! Because it was the last day of classes the kids wanted a party. Since I teach 5 classes each day - that was 5 parties! So I brought donut holes and some of the kids brought cupcakes. Normally I would've eaten several during each class, and quite a few more in between classes (when no one was looking!) But I didn't eat nary a one! And at the end of the day - when there was still half a box left - I left hem on the table with a note to the janitor that read, "Help Yourself!" Thankfully he did and they were gone this morning with a "thank you" note scrawled on a piece of paper.

Now it's not that I think donut holes are evil. But I know that there are certain foods I probably should just pass on when I know there are unlimited quantities. This was one of those times. When I think of how easily I could've (would've) polished off a dozen on my own not so long ago -without a second passing thought - well, it's no wonder I'm fat!

Now before I get to polishing my halo too much - I have been not so good in the exercise department. Not for lack of desire - but time! In 2 weeks - when school is officially over for us teachers as well - I'll have no excuses. And that's a good thing because I really do want to walk every single day. (Except Sundays...we really do need that day of rest!)

And now today will host yet another challenge. The Art Department is going out for their traditional end of the year department meeting (which really means lunch at a nearby restaurant). Of course I'll go. And it will be so very, very hard not to order something yummy - as in something greasy with a side of fries. I'm the type of person who has always suspended my diet when I'm at a restaurant - special occasion and all.... But I'm going to vow to be good today. Either something off the weight watcher side bar - or some kind of salad. Oh it will be so hard when I see those chicken fingers, or juicy burgers, or steak bombers.... I know I said I've been craving healthy lately - and I have! But in the face of all those temptations.....Lord give me strength!

But for now I sit in a quiet classroom that needs purging of a year's worth of crap with a stack of final exams that need to be graded and recorded. I'll have a lot of time on my hands here the next two weeks...I only have to proctor 3 other exams and finish grades for report cards. I'll enjoy catching up my favorite blogs and being able to dig deeper into their archives. I may even post more than once a day here too - if I get too bored.

Old Habits Die Hard...

I've been perusing some of my regular blog reads this morning and there seems to be a pervasive similarity among us all. As in.... this past weekend was a bomb as far as eating goes.

I started out okay, managed to recover from a few slips - but last night at the in-laws was a bust. I didn't necessarily overeat during dinner - but I had my hand in the snacks quite a bit before hand. Mainly the nuts and cheese. I did absolutely no exercise (in all fairness there just wasn't time) but still....it's so easy to get lax and when you skip a few days you tend to turn it into a pattern.

And my other blog buddies seem to be in the same situation. Many were berating themselves this Monday morning wondering why, why, why? Well....I'll tell you why. Because we are trying to undo habits that have been a part of our lives for a long, long time. They aren't going to die overnight. But lamenting over spilled milk doesn't clean it up. The best we can do is to tell ourselves that yesterday is over and today is a new day. Or better yet - that last meal is over - and the next one is a new chance to start again. Lest we fall into that "the diet starts tomorrow" mindset (which as we all know can be very dangerous ground.)

So let's forget about the trips to McDonald's...the restaurant meals....the incessant snacking on whatever wasn't bolted down. It's a new day....a new week. Let's make it a fresh start!

Busy days....

Wow..........busy, busy weekend and I didn't even have time to post yesterday! Nor read any of my favs...so I'm playing catch up real quick before I dash off to yet another function.

Yesterday we took grandbaby to see the Nickelodeon show that came to town and did a show outside our local Wegmans. After that we walked across the street to Friendly's Ice Cream Shoppe because it was free ice cream day and you can't really pass up free ice cream on a warm summer day. I had decided before we went that I would pass...but I didn't. The cones were very small (it was free after all) and I succumbed to a chocolate almond scoop. But salad for lunch made up for it nicely. I'm really starting to crave salads lately. After the ice cream shoppe I drove across town to visit an art show that several of my students were putting on. They'd asked me if I'd come...and being the nice art teacher I am *grin* I couldn't say no. From there we stopped to do some grocery shopping and look for some Father's day gifts for hubby and his dad. (I sure miss my own folks on these special days....I lost them both in the same month 10 years ago....)

And.....yesterday was hubby's birthday to boot! So I made up a nice picnic basket with fixings for chicken kabobs and a nice garden salad and headed off to the other homestead where he was working. The weather was incredible - not a cloud in the sky which is very unusual since we live in the Great Lakes region where cloudy days are often the norm. We live just a skip from Lake Ontario.

After we stood in our hole - which is pretty close to being an actual basement now - the sides are up with windows even (!) we rode around in the golf cart for a while to see how big the polliwogs were getting in the pond and admire the new flowers that have been popping up these past few days.

We cooked our meal out back in the outdoor kitchen area and had a campfire. The radio was playing some nice jazz music and the mosquitoes were kind enough to stay away while we were out.

It was a good day! And now we are headed off to the in-laws to officially celebrate hubby's birthday. They're serving steak....and there'll be lots of deserts. Mom-in-law always makes sure of that. I've eaten well all day so hopefully tonight will be okay.

I've posted a few pics, of our other homestead. So you can understand our need to build there...and call that home permanently. (The crazy contraption in pic #6 is our waterslide!) Granbaby is a lucky boy!

No Quick Fix!

I finally feel like I'm getting a handle on this thing we call eating. After being on just about every diet that man has ever come up with I've melded together my own way of ...dare I say....dieting....that seems to be working.

When I say I've tried every diet - I do mean just about every one! Let's see...in the past 20 years I've tried the eating nothing but cabbage soup or grapefruit thing. I've taken Dexatrim and Redux. (Redux worked but my BP went up so I quit it.) I've belonged to Weight Watchers (4 times), TOPS and the Weigh Down Workshop. I've counted calories, counted carbs, counted fiber, counted fat.... I've got a whole bookshelf devoted to weight loss. Probably at least 25 books and I've read 'em all. And what do I have to show for it? Until recently I was fatter than I'd ever been in my life.

I think I was looking for - as we all are if we admit it - that magic bullet that is going to melt the fat away effortlessly, painlessly and with as little sacrifice on our part as possible. Every author - every infomercial - every weight loss organization is out there to do one thing. Make money. And we poor fat saps buy right into it and help them do just that. The weight loss industry is about as saturated as it can get. Those slick marketers will market anything with the promise it will transform us into skinny minis and we will buy it. I mean come on...I know that the number one reason I will buy a magazine at the new stand is for the amazing new weight loss miracle that is touted on the cover. All those infomercials and all those ads that show the before and after - ever wonder why there is ALWAYS a disclaimer that says results not typical? Because they aren't!

I've come to the conclusion that the weight loss method that is going to work for me - or just about anyone - is that we need to take an honest look at how much we eat - and how much we move. Then we need to decide what changes we're willing to make to fix the areas that need fixing.

I'm not saying all diet books, plans, etc. are bad. If they are the motivating impetus for you to get off your duff and makes some changes - then go for it! But don't rely on the plan. Or the pre-packaged foods - or anything else that if taken away would cause you to fall. Rely on yourself! There is some good information out there about fats, and carbs, and fiber, and vitamins and minerals, and everything else under the sun the relates to our bodies. But there's also a lot of crap. A lot of conflicting information that will change as quickly as the wind does. I say glean from the best - and toss the rest!

I'm still hot on the book I read You On A Diet . Not because it holds some miracle cure all - but because it was the first time I ever really read something that taught me about food and how it relates to my body. Now I know why I need certain foods to prevent heart problems. I know why I need to avoid certain foods if I want to be healthy. I've been able to makes some changes that have really made a difference. In the way I feel and the way I look and ultimately in my weight as well.

Another thing has made this journey different from the others is that I'm not going it alone. The tips and support and encouragement I get from fellow bloggers is amazing. We are all on this trip together and all at different places. Some have 100+ pounds to lose. Some have a lot less. but we all face the same obstacles. Our demons are all too familiar.

So I guess I just want to say thanks to those of you whose blogs I read, and to those who read mine. I know there truly is strength in numbers and that we can win this battle if we stick together.

And the Winner Is.....

Last night in my Classroom Management Class - the instructor came around the room at one point and without any warning - dropped a Hershey's Chocolate Bar on each person's desk. Normally I would've been like...Cool! Free Candy! Last night it stopped me dead in my tracks. It's one thing to go through the check out aisle at the Grocery Store and purposely turn your head away from the vast array of Candy bars...but to have one plopped right in front of your nose is quite another.

Now I could have politely declined but since everyone else was not - I was afraid it would draw attention to myself. SO there it sat the entire rest of the class (this is a 3 hour class!) silently mocking me.

"You know you're going to eat me."

"No I'm not. I'm giving you to my husband when I get home."

"No you're not. You're going to eat me as soon as you get in the car."

"No I'm not. Maybe I'll just leave you right here on my desk and pretend I forgot you."

"Ha! You would never do that and you know it."

And so it went. The rest of the class was not devoted to me learning how to manage my students. It was spent arguing with a stupid candy bar. I would like to say that when all was said and done I won the argument and hubby enjoyed a Hershey Bar. But that's not quite how it played out. As soon as I got in my car I took the enemy out of my purse and gingerly opened the wrapper. At first I felt defeat and then all of a sudden I remembered what I had blogged yesterday. About life. And candy bars are a part of life. And dang if I hadn't eaten one in a long while! And I thought back about the food choices I've been making these past few weeks and how I've stayed pretty much on the mark. And all of a sudden the candy bar hadn't won at all. I was the winner because I was going to choose to eat it and I was going to savor each bite because I knew in heart that I wouldn't be eating another for a while.

And I ate it. Slowly. And it was gooood. And I don't feel bad. Because there's a big difference between eating one candy bar every couple of weeks and eating one daily as you pass the vending machine.

Now I'm not saying this is for everyone. If you know that one bite of chocolate is going to set you off on a binge - for heaven's sake don't do it! But if you feel confident that you can indulge and get right back on track - go for it! Too much deprivation will always set you up for a fall. Moderation is the key word that plays out here.

And this morning, when I hopped on my beloved scale (today it's beloved - some days it bears a different moniker) it registered a 2 pound loss! Oh Happy Thursday!

Hot or Cold?

The weather here has been as unpredictable as a rat in a maze. Last week it was so hot and humid that the rugs in the house were damp. Last night it was so cold around dinner time that hubby and I stood huddling in our almost now finished basement - shivering like it was November! Today the sky is dark and ominous and it's still pretty cold (was only 44 degrees when I left the house this morning) and now they're telling us on the radio that the mercury is supposed to it 90 degrees tomorrow! What gives? Do I store my winter clothes or not? Can I take out the summer clothes for good?

You know, sometimes that's how my dieting efforts go. Hot and cold. One day I'm on fire to succeed and make it work and others I'm just kind of lukewarm - lazafaire. Thankfully those days are getting fewer and fewer. I think the real turning point for me has been to not look at this as an all or nothing. Sometimes I'm gonna' slip. Sometimes I'm going to just say the heck with it and go get an ice cream with my grandson. But the key has been - and is - to look a those moments as life. Because realistically - that IS life!

Whenever I've looked at a diet plan that said I can never ever eat another donut - or to say goodbye to pizza forever - I've failed before I'd even begun. I remember being at Weight Watchers one time and the leader told us how she just automatically threw the bun away when she ordered a hamburger. Was she for real? I think that's the day I stopped losing and finally quit. I was trying to live up to impossible standards. We can't let our eating become an oddity. And we can't lump foods into evil vs non-evil. Lfe goes on and we just have to enjoy it. (but not too much!)

My friend the Cactus Freak posted a good blog today about taking note how skinny people think and eat. And it was right on. (Check her out - she's awesome!) If you look at a skinny person - they don't deny themselves. They don't group foods into categories. They simply eat when they're hungry and stop when they're not.

So as long as we keep on getting up when we slip - and and don't turn the skips into a slide - we'll do okay. I know it's been working for me!

Bring on the Harvest!

I've noticed something interesting since I've upped the ante on my fruits and veggies. I'm actually starting to crave them. Over junk food. Who'dda thunk?

Maybe we set ourselves up for cravings. Like whatever our bodies get used to - they want more. Because believe me - I've never been a fruit eater. Not that I don't like fruit. It's just always been so...well...boring. And in my warped way of thinking - why waste calories on fruit when you can spend them on something better...like french fries...or Big Macs...or chocolate chip cookies? See how we deceive ourselves?

But since I decided that my goal wasn't just to lose fat but to also become fit - I knew I needed to start giving my body some better fuel. And to my amazement - it likes this new fuel! It's sort of like when you try to run an engine on old gas (my hubby's a mechanic so this is a logical analogy for me). It sputters. It stalls. Sometimes it takes a long time to start. But give it good fuel and it purrs like a kitten. It starts on a dime and keeps on running.

And I truly have noticed that I'm feeling better. The other day I bounded down the stairs (yes! I actually bounded!) And all of a sudden it hit me that I wasn't going slowly, I wasn't getting winded and I wasn't as creaky as usual. Things just seemed to work better.

At first it was an effort to eat that fruit. I started slowly like putting some berries on my oatmeal or stashing an apple in my bag for an afternoon snack or tossing some dried cranberries in with some cheerios and nuts to munch on during my commute home from work. Then I started cutting up fresh fruit to nosh on when I felt hungry. Now I automatically reach for fruit if I need a boost and try to include it with breakfast everyday.

And the veggies - well I've always loved veggies! But not as a snack. Always as an accompaniment to some over sized dinner. But I've been making a point to stuff some lettuce and tomatoes on every sandwich, and I keep a big pre-made container of salad in the fridge for snacks. And I actually enjoy salad for lunch now! I make it interesting. I'll crumble up some farmer's cheese or toss in a handful of walnuts or sliced almonds. I cut up as many different kinds of veggies as I can think of to give it texture. I'm a cruncher. I need to work my jaws when I eat. I also have become a big fan fresh garden veggies on the grill. I'll slice up some zucchini, green pepper, red onion, broccoli and throw in some whole mushrooms. I toss them around in a little bit of olive oil and fresh garlic and cook them in my handy grilling pan. I make a LOT so that the next few days I can heat them up and wrap them up in a whole wheat tortilla. Good for a meal OR a snack!

Sooo.....I guess it's really true that your body becomes accustomed to the foods we feed it - and craves them - good or bad. I'm looking forward to summer with its abundance of fresh veggies and fruits. I plan on making frequent stops at the local Farmer's Market and am glad hubby got out there in Spring and planted some things of our own.

Now....I'm off to lunch. There's a salad in the staff lounge calling my name!

The Great Arm Challenge!

I pulled out the little black dress yesterday and held it up to myself. I realized as I was gazing at my dream reflection in the mirror (the one where I'm actually wearing it) that even though I'll fit into it when I drop the weight - I'm gonna' need to do something about those arms! You see, it's not just sleeveless, it 's actually a spaghetti strap type thingy which bares shoulders as well.

I want buff arms! And I know they're not all that hard to get. If I work at it. Quite a few years ago I belonged to a health club and used these resistance machines several times a week. It didn't take long before my upper arms started to get some real definition to them. SO yesterday I dusted off the weights again and did some reps. I'm still working on the push-ups too. I don't know if I'll ever be able to do one of those suckers the real way (as in not using my knees) but I'm going to make that a mini-goal. Perhaps when there's not so much weight to hoist off the ground I'll be able to pull it off.

Right now I don't like to wear tank tops. It's not a pleasant sight when your arms are still waving goodbye long after you have. Giving my upper body some form and definition will help balance out the *ahem* lower half which has always been my nemesis. Back in the 80's - when big shoulder pads were the rage - I was loving it!

I've noticed that's a goal for a lot of us....being able to wear sleeveless tops. I've added a pic my arms to my progress pics. Knowing that you'll all be watching my progress will give me the motivation I need to keep at it. I'm going to call it "The Great arm Challenge." Anybody want to join me?

A Picture's Worth a Thousand Words!

Every now and then there is a picture we come across that makes us take a step back and face the music. As in...OMG is that really me??

I came across one such picture today as I was going through an old photo box. It was taken 4 years ago on a cruise that I went on with my sisters, sister-in-law, daughters and nieces. My first husband had passed away about 6 months prior to that and we all felt like we needed to do this. Just have some girlie bonding time to do whatever the heck we wanted.

I knew I was overweight but didn't care. (I even wore a swimsuit!) And I felt kinda' good all week. Until the photos came back. And as I've reiterated before - pictures don't lie. Since this shot was taken I've cut my hair shorter and dropped 10 pounds. I still have a long way to go! But it's pictures like this that keep me motivated. You know how sometimes you get into the groove, drop a little weight and start to feel over-confident. You think....hey, I'm looking okay right now...why don't I just park here - at this weight and be content. That's when you need to take out a picture like this one. Because in all honesty - I actually thought I looked good that week! What the heck was I on?

Oh! And before you think I had the jump on Brtittany Spears with the cootchie flashing - I did have panties on. What you're seeing is a roll of thigh fat! UGHH!

Anyhoo...I'm on the far right. My little sister Susie is in the middle (she's 11 years younger) and sister Mary (2 years younger) is on the left. I'm definately the most rotund of the lot. But not for long!

Friday Night Camp Out

We slept at the "other" house last night. The one we're adding on to. I went over around 6:00 and then Hubby's cousin & wife stopped by to admire our hole (which now has some actual sides to it) and we ended up making a campfire and ordering a pizza. I didn't feel guilty about the pizza because I don't have it all that much. When first hubby was alive, every Wednesday was Pizza & Wing night. Our local Pizza Shop had a special Wednesdays and so we just followed that routine for years. Present hubby isn't a big pizza eater, the kids are gone now, the Pizza Place doesn't have the special anymore and I'm trying to eat healthier. Lots of reasons. So last night I indulged and it tasted good and I won't need it for a while. I ate 2 wings too....what the heck, right?

Anyway - it was getting late and we'd already bedded grand baby down in a port-a-crib in the house so we decided to just crash there for the evening. Even though the place is all torn apart there is still a bed there, so the 3 of us shared quarters. Kind of like camping out. It was fun!

Morning rolled around and there is no food there so hubby suggested we hit a local diner and have breakfast. I was going to order healthy. But when I looked at the menu I realized there was no fruit to be had. About the only health fare I could find was oatmeal and yuk....I couldn't bring myself to order oatmeal in a diner. So I got eggs and sausage and home fries and toast. Not a real good choice. SO I'm going to be extra conscious of what I eat today (I'm really craving some fruit right now and I have fresh melon in the fridge so hooray for that!)

Anyhow...so last night & today weren't so good. But I took my measurements today and the walking is paying off! Though the scale is staying the same - I've lost: 1" on my bust, 1/4 " on my waist, 1" on my hips, 3/4" combined on my thighs and 1 1/2" combined on my upper arms. That's a total of 4 1/2 inches which doesn't sound like much - but it was all in the span of 3 weeks. Enough incentive to keep me going.

Watch out little black dress - your retirement days will be ending in the next few months!

One more thing today!

I don't usually post twice in one day - but this observation bears mentioning! I wrote earlier how I ate that scone that somehow mysteriously popped into my hand...and well, for the first time in a while, I'm feeling that gnawing hunger that comes from what I call a "sugar crash & burn". You know, when you eat a sugary item and you feel good for a time and then all of a sudden your glucose level plummets and you feel outrageously hungry (so you often will eat yet more sugar and the cycle begins!)

Since I've been avoiding sugar and noshing on whole grains and other fiber-rich foods, I haven't really felt hungry. It's more of a feeling like my body needs re-fueling for energy - which leads me to crave better-for-me foods. (Like when I said I needed a salad yesterday - I meant that!) And I had one for lunch and enjoyed it as much as a Micky D combo.

Speaking of which...last night I picked up hubby around 8:30 and he hadn't eaten so he swung through the drive-thru at the Golden Arches and ordered a Big Mac and Fries. Grandson was in the car so we got him a small hamburger because he started frantically waving his arms and doing the "gimme" dance when he saw where we were. (We train them well, don't we? Only 2 and he knows McDonald's!) So I had to hold the bag for hubby all the way home and smell the tantalizing smells as I broke the small burger into manageable pieces for grand baby!! He wouldn't wait till we got home. ARGHH!! Proud to say I didn't eat a single bite (except the pickle - he hates pickles and I figured it was a vegetable of sorts...) That was a big hurdle for me!

So now if I can get through this fake hunger thing - I think I'll make it till lunch!

Slow and Steady Wins the Race!

Today is Teacher Appreciation Day here at school and the National Honor Society kids have prepared a host of breakfast goodies in the staff lounge for us. (gotta' love those kids!) Now - if the staff lounge was on the other end of this huge building I'd be okay. But my room connects to it through a series of two small back rooms which means my classroom inadvertently gets used as a cut through for several teachers throughout the day. Which also means that they have been parading through my room all morning with plates piled high with all kinds of treats and "helpfully" reminding me to get to the lounge before all the "good" stuff is gone!

Crap!

So of course my curiosity got the best of me and I just had to venture in during second period which I happen to have free. Pretty much everything in there was calorie laden. It was a virtual carb fest! So I did what any good little dieter would do and hunted for the fruit. (You can tell teenagers put this spread out because there was only one teeny, tiny plate of fruit hidden among trays of donuts, muffins, scones, brownies and bagels.) I took 3 grapes, 1 piece of melon and 1 piece of pineapple. And none of the creamy pink topping that looked pretty darn good. Whew! That was easy. Sort of. But as I walked out I lingered just a tad too long near the pastry able and somehow my hand got a life of its own and reached for a small scone. I made a mad dash before my hand decided to do anything else without my permission.

And though I did take a scone - I didn't succumb to the temptation to fill my plate up as I once would have. (assuming no one was looking....)

The breakfast ends in 2 hours, so I'm heading down to the copy room on the OTHER side of the building for the rest of this free period to print my final exams. (Yes...we actually have final exams in Art) much to the dismay of my budding Picassos.

Every small hurdle is a victory. I don't count the little slips as long a I get back up again and get back in the race. Remember the hare and the turtle? I may be a turtle but I'm gonna' get there !