A New Year...A New Direction for my Life...

Remember last year - how one of my New Year's resolutions was to NOT procrastinate? It's January 16th and my Christmas tree is still up. Enough said.

I haven't watered it in over 2 weeks because I kept thinking I was going to take it down "the next day" and why bother. It's at the point now where I walk by and just the gentle breeze from my passing body causes the needles to fall off. Reminiscent of that old Charlie brown Christmas special where all the needs fall of the tree with a tinkling sound.

The tree needs to come down. I am pathetic! Today is the day.

The new job is 2 weeks in and I am loving it! I didn't think anything would ever measure up to teaching but this is it. The people I work with are awesome and it is so low key there and peaceful. As peaceful as one can expect in a Hospice Home. While it can be sad to be in the midst of dying people and their grieving families - there is an element of satisfaction in knowing that you are there beside them to help then through this difficult time and makes things as comfortable as you can in the process.

I'd always been drawn to this kind of work....but kept it tucked in the corners of my mind because I figured I would be a better art teacher. The thing that hooked me on the Hospice philosophy (so many years ago) occurred one weekend in the spring of 1988. We got a call to rush to Ohio where my father-in-law lay dying. He was in a Hospice facility and I was awed by the gentleness and kindness of the people there. He died peacefully as we all stood around his bedside and encouraged him to "let go...that it was okay....that we were all here..." It was a strange experience for me. I had never seen someone die.

The next day as my emotions were still in overdrive, I got a call from my sister. She was in labor and wanted me to come over and keep her company. Several hours later I stood yet again at a bedside and was encouraging my sister (along with her hubby of course) "that it was okay...we were all here..." In the course of 48 hours I saw one human being leave this world and another enter it. The similarity between the two was striking. I was hooked. I bought Elizabeth Kubler Ross's book "Death and Dying" and tried to learn as much as I could about the hospice philosophy. I took a home health aide course and began caring for Hospice patients in their homes.

Then the real world enveloped me and I found myself caring for my own mom in a hospice setting....then a month later my dad....and a few years after that...my husband. I had now seen 4 people die and I figured that was enough for my lifetime. So I went back to school and got my teaching degree.

My sisters took a different course. One became a Hospice Nurse and the other, a Hospice Volunteer Coordinator. Then one day this past fall, sis called me up and said there was an opening for a Volunteer Coordinator at one of the local Hospice Homes in our area...and was I interested. Fast forward and here I am. The job fits like a glove. The administrative part is right up my alley - and the interaction with the families and the residents (we don't call them patients) is immensely rewarding.

I am struck by the words in the bible that say "He comforts us in our afflictions, so that we might comfort others..."

It's amazing how hindsight causes all the pieces in a puzzle to fit together. This is where I was meant to be.

Now you must excuse me now while I go tackle that tree!

The Week In-Between....

Ever notice the week between Christmas and New Year's is kind of like the twighlight zone? It has no real identity. Rather like the lull before the storm. In our house, the tree is still up (albeit missing more than a few needles) there are gifts haphazardly strewn beneath its branches, and the kitchen counter holds several different saran-wrapped plates with goodies from the past festivities. Some half-eaten fudge from a neighbor ...2 stale sticky buns from the batch daughter & her hubby brought over Christmas morning....and a plate of mis-matched Christmas cookies consolidated from several different sources....

I really need to clean up the house (there are tree needles everywhere, stray bits of wrapping paper that never made it to the trash bag, and piles of new things that need to find a home...) but I am biding my time. The lull before the storm thing again. We'll go to my brother's on New Year's Eve and do the whole blow the horns, wear silly hats and throw streamers thing at midnight. We'll hug and cry and remember the people we lost this year (Aunt June & niece Betsy) and stay up way too late laughing and talking.

After that - then and only then - does the season officially end for me. At least the part with the parties and decorations...I really hope I can treasure the true spirit throughout the coming year. We'll hang out all New Year's day...napping and watching TV and munching on stale Christmas cookies. *sigh* All those months of prepping and it's over so quickly.

So for today, I'm just hanging out here - during this nameless week that's sandwiched in between two holidays and enjoying doing nothing. There's a nice fire in the wood stove that I've been stoking since 7 am, grandson is nestled on the couch watching "UP" (a great kid's movie by the way!) and I'm getting ready to brew a cup of java in my one-shot and share a cookie on the couch with my little guy. Does life get any better than this?

I guess for those of you that have to work this week - you probably can't relate. I never had to, so or me - this is normal. Being the stay-at-home mom for many years, then returning to work as the teacher...I always had the luxury of this week. But when the new career begins come January- it will be different. For the first time EVER - Lora will have to work during the "twilight" week. But that is then - and this is now.

My coffee awaits me.

Happy New Year friends!

Merry Christmas!

Oh what a slacker I've been! So, so busy and no time to write.

The house (alas) is not finished for the holidays (we are s-o s-l-o-w) but we're making progress. I've downscaled on the decorations this year to make things less stressful since we're in transition mode here with much packed away and some rooms almost empty... It still looks like Christmas but on a less grander way (and way less stressful too!)

I have retired my teaching cap and accepted a job as a Volunteer Coordinator at one of our local Hospice Homes. The hours are great - the pay is great - and I know that the rewards will be even greater. I begin on January 4th and can't wait to start this new chapter in my life.

The kids will all be together for the holidays (yay!). Youngest daughter & her hubby will be in late tonight from Massachusetts. Then the festivities can officially begin!

My shopping is done. The presents are wrapped. The food is bought and ready to be prepared. Today is supposed to be a cleaning day ( my poor house here so sorely needs it) and tonight I plan to put my favorite 1940's Christmas CD on (A very American Christmas), lite the tree along with some candles, pour myself a glass of wine and revel in the joy this season brings.

Stress? Yes. Family tensions? Yes. Rude shoppers? Double yes. But in the midst of all the turmoil God gently reminds me that the true reason for the season super cedes anything that may be stressing me out.

The year I lost both parents in a month, I vividly remember passing a manger scene in front ofa church near our local supermarket. I'd been shopping and dreading the fact that this holiday me, my siblings and our children would be facing our first Christmas without mom and dad. I suddenly had this strong sense that God was speaking to me as I focused on the baby in the manger through teary eyes. He was saying "Don't you see? This is what Christmas is really all about. This is where it all started...I came and conquered death! So celebrate this Christmas Lora! It's because of Christmas that you'll see your mom and dad once again!"

I've kept that very special moment with me these past 12 years. it has helped me put things in perspective when the icing doesn't stick to the cookies...when the lady with 30 items is in front of me in the "10 items or less" line and I am in a hurry to get to the post office before it closes...when I am wrapping gifts and I run out of tape and all the stores are closed because it's after midnight and I have to get the next morning at 6 am for work...when my mother-in-law wakes me from a sound sleep the following night (when I'm trying to catch up from the night before) to tell me she doesn't think I bought enough rolls for the Christmas dinner - when I had vowed I would not have to go to one more store after I got the tape on my lunch break the day before....

All those things that want to trip me up and make me curse the season...they can't. I may grumble a bit. And vent to hubby. But I still can smile and rejoice. For unto us a Savior has been born. And I will see mom and dad and late hubby again.

Merry Christmas to all!

love,

Lora

The Holiday Season is About to Begin!

Tomorrow we trek out to late hubby's (late brother's) farm for Thanksgiving. Does that make sense? There is nothing like Thanksgiving on the farm...I swear I feel like I've stepped into a Norman Rockwell painting when I walk through the door. A big old fashioned cooking stove sits proudly in the kitchen (there was a time that hot cider would be warming over the coals but now it just serves as a shelf for our beverages.) The dining room boasts a big old cello in the corner and an upright piano along the west wall. Being a musical family, both get played spontaneously and folks will gather round whoever happens to be making the music and then the singing starts.

Even though this isn't the family I grew up with (I get to have Thanksgiving with them next year) and even though hubby is no longer with us - I still feel at home there. It's warm and cozy and full of love. Family from several states gather to share a meal on this special day and I am thankful to be a part of this family. The neat part is - even present hubby likes it there! Our very first Thanksgiving as husband and wife - was spent at the farm! Not with his family..not with mine....but at the farm!

In the meantime we are cranking down hard trying to get the house finished! I've resigned myself tot he fact it won't be perfect. There's a section we will close off because it will still be "under construction" and full of junk! But as long as I have a working kitchen, a carpet in the living room and my family with me - it will be home! Christmas shopping is almost done. At least 3/4 done anyway. And it's all wrapped! That last week before Christmas will be spent moving furniture, stocking cupboards and decorating. No time to be running to the mall.

I'm also going to attempt my first "black friday" expedition. Middle daughter raved last year about all the deals. I'm not camping out a 5 am....there's nothing in particular I'm after. Just want to see what the deals are and maybe finish up the last of the shopping.

I hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving! If you eat too much - just hop back on the wagon Friday!

Cheers!

Is it November Already?

November here has been pleasant as far as the weather goes. No snow. Mild temps (sparing a few frosty mornings that required the obligatory scraping of my windshield...) I still have to trek down to the lake to empty out the last few things in the fridge, purge the waterlines and sweep up any remaining crumbs that might invite vermin to move in and set up housekeeping while we're away for the season. Then I can settle into winter.

The new house is in the final stages. We need a crew from HGTV to come in do their magic so we can be in by Christmas. You know those episodes where they revamp a house in the span of a half hour show? Seriously - we have SO much to do in the next 30 some odd days! Thankfully I've put a major bite in my Christmas shopping. Middle Daughter and her hubby are going to come over and help set up furniture and decorate for the holiday. Unfortunately that won't be until the final hour (maybe even December 23rd....) but I'm confident they can successfully transform the place into one of those warm fuzzy hallmark settings. Of course the cabinets aren't installed yet, we still need a hot water heater, the flooring isn't in, the trim work and doors aren't installed.... YIKES!!!

Remember last year how I obsessed about the new carpet in the living room of the old house in time for the holidays? Things always work out. As long as my family is all together - that's what matters.

Weight-wise I was doing quite well. But then I kind of got in an over confident phase and a few pounds have crept back on. In the nick of time my niece decided to hold a family weight loss challenge so I'm back on track. Oldest daughter is getting married next September so we have a goal once again. The biggest thing this time though is the health issues. My blood pressure and cholesterol are not good. It's no longer a matter of vanity. I want to be here for my future grandkids. And there's that pressure knowing that if something should happen to me...the girls would be parent-less. Sure they have a wonderful step-dad that loves them. But it's not the same. Their real dad has been gone for 7 years now. They aren't ready to see both of our names on that gravestone just yet. One has been hard enough...

I know I haven't posted much. Or visited your blogs much either. Every free minute has been subbing at school or working on the house. Oh for the day it's done and we can relax! But the proverbial train really never does arrive at the station until the end does it? I need to enjoy the ride. Take in the scenery. Savor the journey - bumps and all.

Happy Thanksgiving!

ps...The pic above is from our girl's trip last month to Florida. It was awesome!

Woo Hoo - Still Here...

Wasn't it me who promised I'd never "fall off the ends of the earth" and stop posting without letting you all know.... yes. That was me. Sorry. I've just been so busy - so stressed - and so not on a schedule that the blog has taken a back seat. But I'm still here!

The new house is coming along and by golly I DO think we will be in there for Christmas! Most of the rooms are painted, the kitchen cabinets have been ordered, the lighting has all been purchased and we have even hung the blinds in our bedroom. It's going to be a mad rush to get the flooring in, order counter tops and install the appliances (not to mention hang the doors, install the trim and the ten million other little things that will make this house our home) but we're making progress and I do see the light at the end of the proverbial tunnel!

This past week I got my official diploma in the mail. I now hold a Masters Degree. No job to show for it...but at least now when I fill out those silly surveys that ask about your education I can check the next box down. (big deal..)

Tomorrow I leave for Florida with my 2 sisters and sister-in-law to visit my niece in Pensacola and celebrate my sister's 50th birthday. We decided we needed a "girl's" trip and since we haven't done a get away like this since 2003 - it was time. I managed to lose 9 pounds and seem to be holding at that. It's a small dent. But enough to keep me motivated. We're bringing our sneakers so we can walk every morning while we're there. I can't wait! We had a non-existent summer here this year (it actually didn't arrive until until mid August and then ended abruptly) so I'm looking forward to a spell of warm weather. We'll be gone till Sunday and I plan to leave all my stress at home and just enjoy life while I'm there!

I also promise to try to write more. And visit you all more. And post some pics too!

Oh - and about the min-reunion last month. It was a blast! The old boyfriend was there and as I sat between him and my best friend since second grade (that lives too far away!) it felt like we were back in high school! There were 19 of us and as I looked around the circle as we sat around the campfire - I swear I didn't even notice the wrinkles or graying temples or extra chins that each of us sported in one way or another. It was just the same bunch of friends from so many years ago and it felt so good! The pic is of me and two wonderful friends!

Have a happy week!

I have been busy. I think about writing here but get side-tracked daily!

There were family reunions, trips to the lake and funerals. After we said good bye to my dear aunt June, a close friend at the lake committed suicide. Seems he was prescribed the drug Lyrica for nerve pain in his legs and he was one of the unlucky people that succumbed to the "suicide side effect." After 2 weeks on it he began to have crying spells. After 4 weeks he leaned over a shot gun and wasn't found until the next day.

Suicide hurts so much. There's so much guilt. Why didn't we see it. What could we have done...

In between the roller coaster of emotions and over-scheduled days, I managed to get a lot of painting done in the new house. We WILL be in there for Christmas this year. We WILL! I have threatened dear hubby on this :-)

I've also gotten control of the pie hole and have managed to lose 8 pounds. It's a start. I got a kick in the rear end from my Dr. at my physical last month. Seems my blood pressure is not as low as he's like it (I've never had a problem with this before) but I've read enough from Dr. Oz about how this is the ONE number you don't want to mess around with. With the history of heart disease in my family I'm not taking any chances.

So I've reduced my salt intake... I never was an over-salter, but now that I'm reading labels I'm finding that it's hidden everywhere. Especially in so-called "diet" foods! Yesterday I was about to have a cup of instant soup. Only 45 calories. But when I looked at the label it had aver 2000 grams of sodium. Yikes! I opted for some tuna instead.

I've also been filling up on lots of fresh fruit and veggies. And avoiding the dreaded Golden Arches (except for a Southwest Salad now and then). Now I need to step up on the exercise. Hopefully those numbers will be down when I see him again next month.

Tomorrow night I'm hosting an outdoor party at the new house for about 25 former classmates from my high school days. A mini-reunion of sorts. An old flame will be there. (an old flame that actually asked me to marry him way back when.) Last time I saw him he reminded me of how I remember his dad. I wonder if I'll remind him of my mom. Last time he saw her she was about 45 years old. I'm now 52. That's kind of scary!

I'll take some pics of the house this weekend and post them next week. Cactus keeps asking me to do this so I guess I should! (that's weird - I just tried to create a link to her blog and I can't...hmmm.)

Anyhoo friends - I'm still here. I'll try to be more consistent. Things seem to be slowing down. Hope you're all well and happy :-)