PC Bites the Dust....

My computer has crashed....again. So I'm sitting here in the not so private library to publish a quick post lest anyone thinks I've gone on a permanent vacation. It looks like this time we need to bite the dust and get a whole new system. Not a fun prospect considering September is looming ahead and I'm still without a job *sigh*

The wedding went well Saturday - the dress was a hit! I actually got a lot of compliments which is something I've not gotten in a while. It was good motivation.

The rest of the week brings new temptations. Have I mentioned a million times that summer is THE hardest time for me to lose weight? Tomorrow night is our monthly get together with the cousins and sisters for our summer girl's night out. We'll probably hit a waterside place. Last time I got a salad (albeit a not so healthy one) and this time I'm going to try to do the same (0nly healthier!). Thursday night I'm meeting with a group of women from my church for a little hen party. More food. UGH!

Friday I head off to one of the Finger Lakes here in Upstate New York for group birthday party. A gang of us girls from high school are getting together to have our own celebration in honor of this year - the one we all turn 50 in. More food. More drinks. The worst part is that most of the gang are my old cheerleader buddies from back in the day and they're all still skinny! I'm nervous about this. A lot. But I'm also not going to sit back and let a fun time pass me by. Fat or not. I'll be there.

I'll try to get to a computer often while we're out shopping for a new system. Gosh I don't want to spend that kind of money right now. But the present one has been repaired more times than I can count and I just can't afford or put up with the unreliability of it any longer. And this time I think the ailment is fatal. It won't turn on at all *double sigh*

So this has to be short and sweet. There's something about typing away on a computer with the screen in full view of all to see.... I just can't focus .

I'll be back though!

Going Down?

Okay - the dress is a go. Three yays - no nays. I'll go with that.

Tonight we are having some friends over to the "other" house for a "Grill-Off". Each guest brings an interesting appetizer but it must be grillable. We'll have several grills going and vote for the best item. This was hubby's idea. Why does every function have to revolve around food?! At least the things will be grilled and I'm sure there will be lots of veggie concoctions - it's the sauces I'm worried about. Oh heavens.... At least my weight-watcher pal can be relied on to bring something diet-friendly. She's lost 36 pounds so far! If anything, the evening will be inspiring for me as I watch her have fun and not have to stuff her face to do it.

Then tomorrow is the wedding. It's a sit-down dinner and my choices were chicken french, prime rib or some pasta type deal. I opted for the beef. I'll eat sparingly during the day but it's the bellying up to the open bar that will probably do me in. Yeah...functions always revolve around THAT too. Crap.

Maybe I'll just have to stop going out for a while! I remember when I quit smoking (22 years go) that I had to avoid situations where I knew I'd be tempted, for almost two months. But once I was over the hump and the starting line was becoming distant - I was okay.

I need some kind of a kick in the butt to get back on track here. As you've noticed - my weight tracker hasn't budged. I'm doing okay enough to stay where I am - but not to lose. Double crap. Perhaps a weekly weigh-in like a lot of you do - instead of the daily ritual I have with the scale will work. I Like what Christine did with her picture of her feet on the scale. Now THAT'S accountability. Maybe if I do that once a week and post it - I'll feel more accountable.

Of course then I'll have to do my toes up pretty too....but that's the least of my worries. It's the darn numbers I have to worry about.

I read a blog the other day where the writer said her weight loss journey was like getting on an elevator that just kept going down. Mine is stuck at the top. Oh if it were that easy. I guess I need to do more than just get in the elevator - I need to push the buttons to make it move. And we all know what those buttons are...

Eat Less.

Move More.

Make Better Choices.

Going down.....?

The Dress.....

Okay - just a quickie before the day starts. My daughter took some pics of me in the dress. She hasn't quite mastered the digital camera yet so there's a whole lot more background than dress!

I didn't bother with the hair, jewelry or stockings...just needed to see if I could actually pull off wearing this thing!

What d'ya think? Should I keep it or keep looking?

A New Dress.....

Yesterday I went shopping for a dress. I have a wedding to go to Saturday and the little black number that I was SO hoping I'd fit into...well....I don't fit into it. Yet.

Anyway - it seems that all the summer digs are strapless, halter numbers. Not a good thing when you have flabby arms. Good thing is, nothing is super clingy this season so the old hips won't be leaving the room long after I do.

I tried on a LOT of dresses. It wasn't fun. Better than swimsuit shopping, I'll give you that. But still not a stroll in the park either. I wish dressing rooms had little digital cameras in them that would snap a shot of you from all angles then post the pics on a screen in the dressing room so you could see how you REALLY look. Because more often than not - an outfit will seem okay when I'm trying it on in the store and then when I actually see a picture of myself in it much later - I want to gag. Barf. Puke all over the place. Like at my daughters' wedding (yes the daughter part is plural...they had a double wedding last summer) I wore this dress that I thought was totally awesome. Then they got the pictures back. I looked like a giant blue snowdrift.

Anyway - I bought this little silky brown & cream polka dot thing. It seems to be forgiving in the waist area. It emphasizes my top half so there's a bit of a balancing act working there. It's a semi-halter style - meaning my back isn't bare (TG! rolls will be hidden) but it still leaves my shoulders bare and my upper arms hanging out there for all to see. I felt so good in the store. This morning when I woke up I bolted straight up in my bed (kind of like Kevin in Home Alone) and gasped "What was I thinking???!!!"

I'm going to give it a trial run today. With the stockings, the shoes, the jewelry....and see if I really have the guts to wear this. I'll take pic and maybe we can have a vote. Or at least a good laugh. I'll post it tomorrow. Today you'll have to settle for just the dress. (It looks frumpy on the hanger though...)

Right now I have to go out and get some rays on my back so I don't have white shoulder lines. Egads! Life was so much simpler when I was thin. I want to be there again. Really, really bad!

back to Reality....

Our trip to the mountains was great! This was our 20th annual trek up there for the family reunion and every year I marvel at how absolutely beautiful it is. My sister-in-law's cottage is on 6th lake in Inlet - a quaint little town that hasn't changed a bit in all of the years we've been traveling there. The cottage had major renovations over the winter and I swear - If someone blindfolded me and brought me in I wouldn't have known where I was. It no longer resembles a cottage. It's more like a resort! Absolutely breathtaking!

Unfortunately there were no hikes this year! And I was up for one for sure - at least the one around Bug Lake! It was a quiet weekend - different than most. Maybe we were all just acclimating ourselves to the new surroundings....we spent more time than usual inside in spite of the awesome weather we were blessed with. Still....it was relaxing and satisfying. Campfires and singing (lots of singing ~ a very musical family) catching up, relaxing with a book on the dock, and food. Always the food. I did okay for lunch and dinner. Breakfast was another story. There's a tradition up there - the first one up treks over to Eagle Bay and gets several bags of freshly baked cinnamon-sugar donuts. We stayed in a nearby motel so we always arrived shortly after the "big" breakfast of bacon, eggs, sausage, bagels and fresh fruit. But we always got there in time to reach into one of the still warm white paper bags that contained the donuts. One of those and a cup of coffee....it doesn't get any better than that! If the shop ever closes I don't know what we'll do!

I had a long chat with my sister-in-law from Oregon. (You know all the left over hippies live there....) and she's very health conscious. We talked about organic fruits and veggies and all of a sudden I was happy that we had planted such a big garden this year. We traded some yummy recipes and discussed the amazing property of anti-oxidants and the advantages of fish oil. I always come away from my conversations with her feeling ready to re-vamp my whole way of eating.

The trip to and from was pleasant too. The drive went by quickly and we were treated to a fantastic lightening storm on the way down. It was far enough away to not be threatening but a wonder to behold. We made a pit stop to eat each way. On the way there I was good - you know there are only McDonald's and Sbarro's on the NYS thruway (!) and I ordered a Southwest Salad. On the way home we stopped early in Inlet and I split chicken fingers and fries with my grandson. How bad was I! Which meant since he's only 2 1/2 - I ate most of it. I felt bloated all the way home.

But I'm back to my better eating again (my old breakfast stand-by of cheerios, blueberries, cinnamon and skim milk) feels good. And now that the veggies are kicking in in the garden, dinners are going well too. We eat most nights at the "other" house - which means we cook out back and have a campfire. I feel like this summer has been a perpetual camping trip! I'm sorry to see it waning! Then again....I have no job to go to in September - barring a miracle - so I guess it will last a little longer anyway *sigh*

Yeah...the job thing. I'm still bummed beyond belief. Feeling very betrayed by the district. But I'm pushing forward and trying not to obsess. And then there's Mr. "Imanass" at the cottage. Daughter and her hubby have been living there all summer and he's been harassing them beyond belief. We are seriously considering selling the place. Sure. That'll mean he won. But at this point I'm beyond his crazy head games. Life is too short to live next to an a-hole. I'm trying to muster up forgiveness in my heart but I just can't. He's SUCH A JERK!

Okay, Lora. Take a deep breath.

I'm gonna' go for a walk now. Before the day gets too hot. I need to cool off....

Off to the Mountains....

I'm packing up to head for the Mountains in less than an hour. It's hotter than blazes here (95 in the shade right now) so packing up the car has been a sweat fest to say the least. (of course I waited until TODAY to vacuum it out and do a thorough decluttering....) Ever notice how the car so easily become the stash place. Gross! I could've fed a small third world country with the food crumbs I found under the car seat! IBut I only found one fast food wrapper. That's a first!

Anyhoo - I'm hoping the brisk mountain air (oh please let it be cooler than here!) will freshen my spirits and put me in a better mood. I've mentally told off the Principal and the school board a gazillion times.... My daughter told me this morning "Mom, you always told us God has a better plan....." Yep. I did. So I'm taking some of my own medicine. But it's hard to swallow. It's so much easier to give advice than take it.

There's usually healthy eating when we go to the mountains. Every August my late husband's family treks there from all over the country (we've got contingents from California, Colorado, Ohio, Illinois, New Jersey and Oregon) for a family reunion. Late hubby's sister has a beautiful cottage there on Sixth Lake in Inlet, NY in the Adirondacks. Actually cottage is not exact the word I'd use to describe it. It's nicer than any house I've ever dreamed of living in. This side of the family is very health conscious. They eat lots of fruits and nuts and fresh veggies and make things from scratch. And they're active! For sure there will be a softball game, a hike up Bald Mountain and another around Bug Lake. I'll do the lake hike. They also have an annual swim around the island. I'll pass on that only because I'm not yet at the point where I'll don a swim suit in front of all of them. Maybe next summer....

Present hubby isn't going (he feels "funny" he says....) He does do other holidays with them, just not overnights. Actually our first Thanksgiving together (being married) we went to neither his family's or mine! It was my "turn" to eat with late hubby's and we went there! What a guy, eh?

So I'm hoping I come home with some sore muscles and a little bit lighter. In weight and in spirits. It's a 4 1/2 hour ride and we'll probably arrive around 10:00. Just in time for lots of overdue hugs, a cozy campfire and the night sounds you can find only in the mountains. Be back Monday.....y'all have a great weekend and squeeze out all the summer you can get. It's waning fast. At least in this hemisphere.

BTW ~ the pic is a view from Bald Mountain. I have climbed it before. Several times!

*Sigh*

I don't feel like writing today. I am feeling about as low down as a person can. I didn't get the job. (actually there were TWO openings and I didn't get either!) I have over 2 years in that district, glowing recommendations from the Principals and department head, and damn it - I'm a good teacher! But you know what? I saw the other two candidates. (There were 3 of us and I was the loser...) They were young and cute and skinny. They couldn't have been more than early 20's - fresh out of school. And I'm....old.

I'm not going to obsess about it all over my blog here. But it sure does smart when you know you are highly qualified but just not "young" enough. Or thin enough.

So you're probably thinking I ran home and raided the fridge. Nope. When I get depressed I lose my appetite. Unfortunately when the cloud lifts I'll find it back. I always do....

On a lighter note - or perhaps heavier note would be more appropriate.....I had a major moment yesterday that really made me think about my weight and what it's doing to me. We had set the old canvas tent up in the back yard to air it out before a trip we're taking to the mountains this weekend for a family reunion. It hasn't been set up in at least 6 or 7 years. Well, last night I took it down. By myself. Not a real feat. I've done it tons of times in the 25 years we've had it. Only this time it was different. When I bent over to fold it I couldn't. My fat was in the way. I felt like such a fool. Thank goodness no one was watching. All of a sudden I felt so encumbered by my weight that I wanted to die! I realized that in the past 6-7 years I've gained a heck of a lot of weight! I huffed and groaned and tottered around like a freaking whale trying to fold the damn thing.

So I'm at a real crossroads here. I was feeling so positive the past several months. Watching the scale move - however slight - making constructive changes in the way I eat and move. And now I'm feeling as fat as ever - I have no job prospect in the fall which means no income this winter (and hubby's business is such that he makes $ in the summer but winter is lean.) And we're building this new addition that all but equals a new house. Gheesh. I feel like crap. And my hormones are going bazooka on me. The inevitable "change" has begun (and I thought PMS was bad!)

I'm guessing (hoping) tomorrow I'll feel better. I've been crying most of the day since I got the phone call.... The guy that made the call actually had the audacity to say....."Gee, this is a hard call! We feel that there's been such a loyalty here between you and the district...I hope this doesn't feel like a slap in the face....." On no Sir. It feels more like a kick in the gut but thanks for asking. Jerk!

Okay. Gotta' go and lick my wounds some more. But I'm NOT going to use food as my salve. (I keep telling myself that God has a plan here and I need to trust Him.) I'm trying. Truly I am!