Less Of Me.....

Lora who?

2012-02-16T10:09:00.003-05:00

To say I've been busy lately is an understatement. Life has been moving along at break neck speed and I'm tyring to keep up withall the changes!

We are (I repeat ARE) finally in the new house! Moved in December 17th. Just in time for Christmas. At 4 am December 23rd, hubby was still installing the molding in the dining room. 10 minutes before the family arrived on Christmas Eve we were hanging the kitchen curtains. I felt like I was the star in an HGTV show - pounding to meet the deadline before the big reveal. But we did it! We were tired (read: exhausted) but happy and proud and relieved all at the same time. Everyone loved the house....the tree looked phenomenal (bigger than it did when it was growing out back in the yard...) Hubby had to chop the top off and then run out and buy an over-sized gold start to make it look even. The house was full of people and good food and laughter and love. As a house should be.

The next morning all the kids came back over for breakfast and I got to use my first ever dining room! The woodstove was bathing us in the kind of heat only a wood stove can give, cinnamon rolls were baking in my new stainless steel oven, and the boom box (okay - the stero didn't get hooked up in time) was supplying Christmas melodies. It was Norman Rockwell morning!

Two weeks later my youngest daughter and her hubby produced a beautiful 7lb 6 oz princess they named Shea. My first grandaughter and I am totally and indescribably in love with her! And come next June, middle daughter and her hubby will give us a grandson! Patrick (after my late husband). Can life get any better?

And to top all of that off - I have managed to shed 30 pounds! I said I would do it before I moved into the new house! And I did it! Still want to lose another 20...but in time. Right now I am reveling in all the newness of everything here. I wake up each morning and marvel at all I have been blessed with.

I will post pics of the house...and the baby....very soon. And I will try to post more regularly. if anyone is even still checking in here.

Happy 2012 to all my blogger friends! It's good to be back!

Groovy Musings!

2011-03-10T13:07:00.003-05:00

Before you wonder what decade that pic is from....it's last weekend. We were invited to a 60's theme party to celebrate my broher-in-law's 60th birthday. (Egads - Am I old enough to have a brother-in-law that old??)

It's almost Spring! At least that's what the calendar says. I live in Upstate New York so it's anybody's guess what season we're really in right now! Only here can it be blizzarding one day and finding daffodils poking out the next. Yesterday it was snowing. Today it's supposed to be in the 50's. Kind of like that new fitness craze called "muscle confusion" only here it's weather confusion.

That said I'll be heading off to Fort Myers (where the sun always shines) in 13 days. My 2 sisters, sister-in-law and a friend are accompanying me as we head for a little well needed R&R (sans the hubsters) for a 4 day vacation. While I'm still not at all happy about donning a bathing suit (or anything that will show all my winter-white skin) I am excited that my weight watchers experience is paying off handsomely. I joined on January 12 (8 weeks ago) and have tipped the scales at a negative 15 pounds so far! I'm finding the new Points Plus Program to be very do-able. I still have a long way to go to reach my goal but I've been aiming for 5 pound increments and finding that to be a very acheivable way to hit the marks.

The new house is actually getting somewhere. Hubby has been working hard and the end is truly in sight. I estimate we'll have a working kithen in about a week. I'm going to pick out the carpeting this weekend. Yay!

I haven't been attacking the gym latley - mostly due to my daughter's new work schedule which has me scooting right home after work to watch junior. Aside from the fact that I really need to get in there and tone these muscles - it's also killing me that I'm paying $30/month for something that I'm not using. I hate gym memberships. They muscled me into a 2 year contract and now I'm stuck. Unless I move or become incapacitated.

Note to self and others: if you decide to join a gym - find one that doesn't have a contract!! My daughter pays $10 a month for a "pay-as-you-go" membership. I should've shopped around...

Speaking of daughters - youngest told me yesterday that she & hubby have decided to start a family! I promised not to tell anyone but the blogosphere doesn't count. (does it?)

Ciao all and I'll try to be back sooner next time!

Well Look Who's Here!

2011-01-13T18:45:00.007-05:00

So Christmas came and went in our house (or should I say the OLD house) and I didn't even decorate. Well, almost. I gave in begrudgingly the week before Christmas and stuck a 2 foot fiber optic jobber in the front window. And lit a snowman candle that I got as a gift the week before.

You see, hubby promised me that the new house would be finished by this Christmas. When did he promise me this you say? Why, last year as I was taking down the decorations. The very same decorations that I swore I would not put up if we weren't in the new house LAST year!

It's not that I'm this nagging prima dona who throws a hissy fit if she doesn't get her own way. Truly I'm not. I'm actually quite patient. And for those of you who have following my blog for several years - you will recall that I have been waiting for quite some time!

So this year I stuck to my guns. When October rolled around (the month he said he'd start working on it again) and nothing happened....I began the subtle threats. When November arrived and he still had not lifted a hammer....I laid out the stakes. No Christmas in the new place...no Christmas here either. (Not really no Christmas) just no Christmas decorations.

You see - I have been living out of boxes for 2 years. My walls are bare because all the decor has been taken down and stored. My living room has no furniture because we gave it to my daughter because hubby said we would be moving soon. We had to go to my middle daughter's house Christmas morning because this house wasn't suitable to entertain in. It hasn't been in 2 years.

People are beginning to cite me for sainthood. They want to know why I'm not going crazy over all this. Well...ahem...I sort of am! It's not that one can't have Christmas without all the trappings. One can - and we did. Jesus is the reason and we managed to remember and embrace that fact. It was just so...so...frustrating!

Fortunately for all concerned (mostly him because I was ready to toss him out in a snow bank) he has finally (FINALLY) found his groove again and is working on the house. I am not making any claims as to when we will be in there. But at least he's in there doig something!

Other that that - life has been busy. Now that I'm working (it's been a whole year now!) I just don't find the time to blog like I used to. (But I think about it a lot.) And I'm not ready to hang up my keyboard just yet. (I guess there has been a lack of motivation in more places than just one in our household these days.)

So I joined Weight Watchers last night. They gave me this cute little blue calculator the size of a compact to track my points. I get 29 a day. I have one left for today. Not bad. I am cautiously optimistic this may be the ticket. I've proven to myself time and again that I need accountability.

Anyhoo....that's what I've been up to. I'll try to be more faithful! (oh and yes...I have been going to the gym. Now and then...)

Joy and Tragedy.....

2010-10-02T07:51:00.010-05:00

So where have I been? I don't know! The time has been flying by faster than can keep track of. Days slip into weeks.... Weeks into months... And now it's autumn already and I didn't even notice summer. Well, that's not totally accurate. Summer was awesome - the BEST weather I can remember in years! And I did manage to eek out a few extended stays at the lake. And I did manage to stay faithful to the gym and lost 11 pounds and a bunch of inches!

But mainly - this summer was focused on THE WEDDING. My oldest tied the knot on September 18th. So the past few months have been steeped in wedding plans. Now I am finally breathing a sigh of relief that it's all over and I can focus on....finishing the house in time for Christmas! (I know. I know!) To those of you who have been with my for the past several years - we have been trying to finish the new house in time for Christmas since 2007! But this year (you heard it here folks!) it WILL be done!

The thing is...I'm not all that consumed with it. Used to be, I was re-arranging the yet to be purchased furniture in my head....determining where to hang all the new pictures my kids have been giving me as gifts the past few years in anticipation of the big move...and nagging hubby to just (as the Nike commercial says) DO IT! But as of late...I'm not in such a hurry. Because life is happening all around me and moving into the new house is just another chapter. And to be honest....the pages have been turning much too quickly lately. The frailty of life has been knocking at my door and I right now - change is the last thing on my mind.

Five months ago my brother-in-law took his own life. It rocked us all to the core. And this past week - his brother's wife was stabbed to death - by her own son. The boy was in his early 20s and was schizophrenic. never any indications of violence...and he truly loved his mom. We can't understand it and will probably spend the rest of our lives trying to wrap our minds around it. After killing his mom - he stabbed himself several times in the neck. He is in the hospital as I write this. Poor Bob... In the span of 5 months he lost his brother, his wife and even his son - who, though he will recover from his wounds - will ultimately be locked away somewhere for a very long time... And Mark - his son. He found them. He's only 25. How does one that young recover from such a tragedy...save the grace of God.

So I've been thinking a lot lately. And realizing that awful things don't just happen to other people. And I'm feeling a lot more compassionate to the nameless faces I see in the news now. And realizing that everyday - in some way - someone is hurting. Makes me want to spend a lot more time on my knees. And a lot more time looking up. To the only One who truly has the answers.

Please pray for Bob and Mark....their very foundations have been shattered this past week. And pray for Kurt. He will live with what he did for the rest of his life. I can not judge. I will not judge. Only God can do that. I can only pray and continue to praise the One who holds all things together... in the midst of this terrible storm.

On a happier note (because in spite of the sadness - there have been some happy times....) I've posted some pics from the wedding.

hugs *

Lora

5 Weeks Later....

2010-07-30T10:18:00.003-05:00

So it's been 5 weeks since I joined the gym and I can proudly say I have been attending faithfully! Except for the week I spent at the lake (well...10 days there actually) I've gone at least 3x a week and sometimes 4. And the week at the lake I did a lot of walking and swimming (actually swam across the lake 3 times...with my noodle of course!) So I've been pretty active ~ more so than in a long time!

I've only managed to drop 5 pounds, but my shape is changing. Not dramatically - but enough to encourage me to keep at it! I have to drive right by the gym each afternoon when I leave work so it's hard to not go. Yesterday I drove right by and then turned around and went back. Good girl, Lora!

I plug in my earphones and watch Dr. Phil while I'm on the treadmill and then move on to the machines. There are people bigger than me and smaller than me so I don't feel all that self-conscious. Back in the day when you went to the gym it was a fashion parade. You know - the high cut leotards, tight, leg-warmers and headbands. (see pic!) Thanks goodness we've progressed to being more dedicated to our health than our outfits!

Yesterday I read a quote on Spark-People from a member that said "I am a work in progress...and if I want to progress - I have to work!" That's gonna' be my new mantra!

Last Saturday I went to the beach with my youngest daughter. It was so much fun! We brought some lunch and spread out our towels and soaked up the sunshine in between dips in the lake because it was so hot! Tuesday night I went out to dinner with my 2 sisters and sister-in-law. We found a nice restaurant overlooking the lake and ate outside. I just love summer! And last night I went yet once again to the lake with 6 of my old high school friends to a nice outdoor restaurant that overlooked the harbour. I grew up less than 10 minutes from Lake Ontario and yet never seem to get there enough. And now 3 times in one week! Yoohoo!

I can't believe it's almost August. Where has the summer gone? I ave 2 more trips to the cottage (this on a smaller lake - not one of the Great Lakes!) my class reunion and then my daughter's wedding. And then the night air will start getting a nip in it, the leaves will begin to turn color and I'll find myself wearing a sweater to work. I love fall too - but fall always comes with winter on it's heels...and we all know how I hate snow!

But until then - I'm going to enjoy the sunshine!

Happy Dad's Day and other ramblings...

2010-06-20T09:06:00.003-05:00

It's Father's Day and guess where I am? Sitting in my office at work.....killing time. I had to visit a church today on this side of town (1/2 hour from home) for a volunteer recruitment gig and had a big lapse between services so I came here.

It's quiet...and it's nice to get to visit with the volunteers that come here on weekends. I never really get to meet the folks who come during the hours I'm not here except on the phone - so this is nice. Except that I'm wearing a skirt and high heels and all I can think about is getting them off and jumping into my shorts and flip flops!

We're having the family over for a picnic this afternoon. Hubby is setting up the big blowup water slide we bought last year for the kids and the weather is supposed to cooperate!

So.....on Friday I drove past the gym that is down the street from where I work for the umpteenth time and decided this time that I would stop in and check out that special they have going for summer. An hour later I walked out with a 2 year contract and a promise from the 102 pound gal that talked me into it - that in 4-6 weeks she's have me seeing results.

Heaven knows I certainly have some motivating factors in my life to make me want to do this. Um...wait a minute. I think I've been saying that for several years now.... but really - I do! My Class reunion is coming up in August and I can't possibly skip it. It's being hosted at my house! We have the big yard - pavilion - outdoor bathroom and kitchen - so we can easily accommodate everyone.... So there's motivator #1. Then there's my daughter's wedding in September. When the other 2 got married 4 years ago (in a double wedding) I vowed I would lose weight. I thought I'd lost enough to at least look okay - but when the pictures came back - I looked like a giant blueberry. So the Sept. wedding is motivator #2. Moving on to #3 - this one is a ways off - but I'm hoping that it will keep me accountable for any weight I do manage to take off. My sisters and I are going to Florida again in March. To celebrate another milestone birthday like we did last fall.

So I'm hoping to keep me relationship with afore mentioned gym. I'm in it for 2 years - so I'd better! Besides - flashbacks from my traumatic shopping trip last week to buy a swimsuit should keep me going.

I swear....I'm getting to the point where I should be needing to take a Valium before that kind of a shopping trip. Not that I take Valium - but it sure would've helped! Anyway - found a suit that helped camouflage my lesser features (or maybe "greater" would be a more fitting desciptor?) forked over the money and left. That probably explains the reason my car turned into the parking lot of the gym last Friday.

I'll keep you posted.

Happy Father's Day ~ enjoy!

Saying Goodbye When You Don't Want To....

2010-05-25T06:48:00.004-05:00

Shortly after I wrote my last post one of those life altering events occurred in my life...the kind that causes you to mark time in a before and after mode. As I get older my life seems to get categorized into chunks of time. Like before and after the month I lost my parents. Or before and after my husband died. And now it's been divided even further. Into before and after my brother-in-law took his own life.

No one knew the pain and torment he was going through. Until it was too late. The saga began with his disappearance..a week of searching....and my sister finding him moments before he put a gun into his mouth and ended his torment.

And now we are all left with the all of the unanswerable questions that plague the survivors after a suicide. Our lives have been shaken to the core. We walk through our days in a fog as we try to manage our grief. So many emotions. Guilt... Sadness... Anger... Denial... My brother-in-law was my late husband's best friend. Way before my sister and I came into their lives.

This is one of those time where words aren't flowing as easily as they usually do. I just felt the need to explain my absence and ask for a few prayers. For my sister. For her three children.

Thanks...

Thinking of My Mother....

2010-04-11T07:21:00.005-05:00

Yesterday was a rather surreal day. It was one of those days where God was working behind the scenes but revealed enough of Himself to let me know He was there. I'll preface with a little history....

The year was 1976. I was a freshman in college and dirt poor. All college students are, right? Mother's Day was coming up and I wanted to give my mom something special but had no money. So I wrote her a poem. Hokey....yes. But it was from the heart. Really. I typed it up on my little manual typewriter (there were no word processors back then) on several half-sheets of onion skin typing paper and taped them all together to make a scroll. She loved it.

Flash forward to 1997. Mom has just died and my sisters and I are standing in her bedroom trying to absorb her lingering scent, touch her clothes, handle the pretty figurines on her dresser...anything to connect with her somehow while her essence is still in this room. In a few short hours we will go to her calling hours with my dad.

I open the top middle drawer on her bureau and there I find a bunch of letters and notes and cards all held together with a rubber band. Some letters from my dad, a note to the tooth fairy from my little sister, various cards from over the years.....and my little scrolled poem from that Mother's Day 21 years before. I read it through my tears and clutch it to my heart. The words I'd penned meant even more now. Now that I was a mother myself. Now that she was gone.

I stuff it quickly in my purse because we are late and head off to the funeral home. I think of putting the little scroll in with her in the casket but decide to keep it. Between viewings we head off to a restaurant with the aunts and uncles for dinner. It is there that I realize it is gone! I call the funeral home frantically and ask them to check for it. I go through the restaurant with a fine tooth comb. I search my car. It's nowhere and in the delicacy of my grief at that moment I feel utterly crushed. That night I drive back to the parking lot of the restaurant and search with a flash light. Nothing. It's gone. Forever.

There was reporter in our local paper at that time named Carol Ritter. She wrote a folksy column about everyday happenings and often specialized in helping her readers locate things. An old recipe, a certain antique...stuff like that. So I write to her and plead my case. Could she please ask her readers to watch out for my little scroll if the found it? And if someone had found it - could they please send it back to me? She didn't answer my letter so after a week or so I called and left a message. I received a call back on my answering machine the next day. Very curt and to the point. "I don't do last and found anymore." For several years after that, I couldn't look at her picture next to her column without being a little mad.

Flash forward another thirteen years. Last month I am at my organization's annual fundraising gala. Because I am one of the key staff members, hubby and I are seated at the table with the guest speakers. One of the speakers, who does the auction part of the evening is none other than- Carol Ritter! All of the memories come rushing back. Here I am sitting face to face with this woman and I want so bad to tell her about my little scroll. And how she could've helped but she didn't. But I don't. Because that was so long ago and I know she wouldn't remember anyway. Besides, I'd come to terms with the fact that the words I'd penned those many years ago were lost and it really wasn't her fault. So I'm cordial and I smile and make small talk. But the little scroll has once again found a way into the corners of my mind and I think of it...and mom.

So now it's yesterday. I am cleaning out some stuff in the basement in anticipation of our future move. I lug out my old hope chest that has not been opened in over 16 years - since the last move. It's all dusty and musty but I plod through it and spend way more time than I need to - handling all it's contents gently as I revisit the past. Old corsages from proms...love letters from the guy I almost married....pay stubs from my first job back in 1973 (I was making $1.65 an hour!)...lots of loose pictures....notes scratched on napkins......matchbooks....a notebook with magazine pictures taped to its pages of furniture that I wanted to decorate my house with when I married aforementioned boyfriend. Ghastly stuff in lime green and orange! (it was the 70's - what can I say?)

Then way back in the corner of the bottom drawer I find a wad of notebook paper all crumbled up. There are two sheets and one is torn in half. Something I must've meant to throw away at one time but decided not to and stuffed it into the hope chest. As I gently unroll the wad I see that it is the rough draft of the poem I'd written for mom 34 years ago! It was all there - every line! I thought I'd never see those words again! Reminiscent of the last time I came across that poem - I clutch the wad of paper to my heart and whisper a thank you to God.

The surreal part of it all....that after all these years I'd run into Carol Ritter again and think about the poem once more. That this would all happen so very close to Mother' Day....and that I would find my precious poem....on the eve of the anniversary of Mom's death. You see, she went to be with Jesus 13 years ago today. And I miss her so very much.

So here's the poem. A little hokey (like I mentioned) but I was only 18....

A Prayer for Mother's Day

Not a day goes by I do not pray

And thank the Lord above

For the mother that he's given me

Her thoughts, her words, her love.

I thank Him for the way she has

Of making each day brighter

Understanding all my cares and fears

So that my burdens might be lighter.

And I thank Him for the times we have

To sit and talk a while

Whether arguing or whispering

Through tears or through a smile.

And then I'll sit and think a bit

Of How she'll give and never take

How she'll do it in her children's names

and for her children's' sake.

Then I'll think of all the worries

And the problems she must bear

But there's always time enough for us

Time enough to care.

And she never seems too busy

Never seems too worn

To lend an ear or helping hand

Whenever I'm forlorn.

She'll just look at me and smile

And then through loving eyes

She'll answer all my questions

All the who's - the what's - the whys.

And I'll just sit and listen

When all at once I'll see

There's not a greater friend in all the world

As this woman here by me.

For there's no one I trust more than her

In who I can confide

And know that through the thick of it

She'll be ever at my side.

No one else could be so patient

No one else could be so true

No one else could ever understand

The way that mothers do.

So I'll repent for all the wasted times

In vain I always fought her

And will remember always God

She's my mother - I'm her daughter.

And though others may spend all their lives

Searching the whole world round

The mother that they're looking for

Has already been found.

And maybe when she read this

She'll cry and make a fuss

But that's just another of her special ways

Of saying she loves us.

And I can't think of a better time

Or a better way to say

How very much she means to me

Than on her special day.

So here's to a Happy Mother's Day

May God hold you in his palm

And may you never have to ask me

Just how much I love you, Mom!

Call Me Old-fashioned...."

2010-04-09T17:31:00.003-05:00

Is it just me or is anyone else a bit flabbergasted at the "graceful" return of Tiger Woods? Almost reminiscent of the Clinton debacle... where my innocent little girls learned what "oral sex" was. Gheesh!

I'm all for restoring a repentant sinner. I'm certainly not perfect and have made my share of mistakes. But it's a little disheartening to consider our society has reached the point where we are willing to "overlook" pretty blatant indiscretions and just get back to business as usual.

Consider these recent headlines: "

Tiger Woods gets best wishes from his jilted porn star Joselyn James"

"Tiger Woods lost his moral compass - not his swing!"

"Tiger Woods wife Elin not to attend Masters"

There was a time when a person's moral character would make or break them. That's the mantra I repeated to my daughters over and over as they were growing up. Especially when Bill and Monica were taking over the headlines.

I'm a little scared for our society.

The House That Love Built.....

2010-03-31T12:30:00.005-05:00

Lately I've had writer's cramp. Have ya' noticed? Used to be my blog posts would begin forming in my head no matter where was or what I was doing. Reminds me of my late brother-in-law...he wrote a column for a local newspaper and often times in the midst of an activity he'd start staring off in the distance and one of hi s kids would say..."I sense a future column in the works!"

The past few months though, for me, have been somewhat dry in the idea process. I guess with the new job and the house in its final stages - my mind has been (shall we say...) pre-occupied. We've been working on the house for so long now (we broke ground in April of 2007!) that some of the walls already need re-painting! I often walk through the rooms (none of which are completely finished yet) and try to imagine us living there. I can't tell you how many times I've stepped into the new shower - closed my eyes - and pretended it was all done and I was really in there for a shower. Is that weird? (C'mon I know you guys must do weird things like that too...right?)

I keep bringing over little things to make it home-like (as much as it can be in the midst of sawhorses and ladders and buckets of tools...) like this little red lamp that I put on an old table in the master bedroom. Or the lace curtains I hung up in the bathroom that has the aforementioned shower - but no toilet or sinks yet. There is a single wine goblet in one of the cupboards in the kitchen (still no counter tops mind you) and an old chair that we found on the side of the road last fall that I knew would be perfect in the guest room. I sit on that chair sometimes too (eyes closed of course) and pretend that the room is finished.

Sometimes, when I start feeling impatient and get a little grumpy because the house is taking so l-o-n-g - I have to remind myself how lucky I am to be able to be able to be "starting over" at this phase in my life with everything all new and different. I never really had a lot of new stuff. We always made do with other people's cast offs and were thankful that they were at least "new" to us. To be able to actually pick out things the way I want them - that reflect me and who I am and what I love has been a real treat. So if it's taking longer than I expected (and those of you who have been following me for some time know exactly how long that has been!)then I can wait a little more.

Underneath the drywall in the kitchen - written between the existing studs on the old backer wall is a note I scrawled in marker to inspire hubby & I as we worked.

It reads: Don't focus on the destination so much....that you forget to enjoy the journey.

Someday...many, many years from now - some young couple may be tearing apart the walls in a remodeling project and find the note. Perhaps they will wonder about us....and the house that love built...

Wnter Warmth....

2010-03-05T10:10:00.006-05:00

I'm sitting here at my desk - have finished my newsletter, returned all necessary phone calls, reviewed the residents' charts and had my obligatory cup of coffee. And decided to post on my blog....haven't been able to do that as regularly as I'd like.

The sun is shining right now and it almost feels like spring! The other day as I was walking to my car in the morning I actually heard birds chirping! Even though there is still a foot of snow in some places around here - I do believe that we are turning the page on a new season.

I love spring! It signifies the end of winter and is the prelude to summer. (I love summer even better!) When late hubby was still here, on the first real sunny day of spring - we would open the garage door and position our chase lounges so that we were blocked from the wind but sitting smack in the middle of the sunlight - turn the radio on and close our eyes and pretend we were sitting on some exotic beach somewhere.

Neither of us were fans of the snow and cold.

When the kids were younger we decorated our finished basement in a beach theme. Painted the walls a sand color - installed an aqua carpet and hung pictures of beaches, light houses and seashells all around. It was our escape from winter get-away. One time we set up the patio umbrella table down there, cranked up the kerosene heater so it felt warm and almost humid, and lit some coconut candles. I made a macaroni salad and hubby pulled the gas grill under an eave outside and cooked some hot dogs. With a jar of dill pickles and a bag of chips we had our own little picnic with the kids - smack dab in the middle of February.

Those were good times!

I miss that the girls are all grown up now. And I miss that I seem to be so busy these days that I don't give into the spontaneity that used to be such a big part of my life. So two weeks ago I decided to have snow day with my 5 year old grandson. We bundled up and went over to the new house where grandpa was working. First we had a snowball war. Then we followed deer tracks into the woods. We hiked down the path that leads to the swamp (and I got a soaker!) We built a snowman with a fat orange carrot for a nose and real charcoal chunks for his eyes and mouth. We gathered wood and made a big roaring campfire that we sat at as we munched on crackers and let our wet mittens dry on a branch nearby.

At one point the little guy looked up at me with his big round blue eyes and said "Gramma - this is the funnest thing ever!"

These are still good times....!

2010-02-27T08:03:00.005-05:00

February has flown by and I haven't had time to write here at all! The new job is keeping me busy as I lean the ropes and as always...we are s-t-i-l-l working on the house! I'm beginning to think we will never move in there! My house here is semi-boxed up and ready to go - there are whole rooms with barely any furniture - and I feel very displaced. I certainly long for the routine and normalcy that have been set aside these past few years (did I say YEARS?) Ummm...yes I did.

I came across some pictures last week that are earmarked for the photo album/journal that I hope to complete when the house is done - that will chronicle this "labor of love" - and the date in the corner of one batch was 2007! We have been working on this crazy house for 3 years! I can't tell you how many times I have walked through the empty rooms - first when they were just divided by 2x4's....then bare drywall....and now at least painted...and daydreamed of how it will be when we finally move in.

Of course I realize all the problems I have now will follow me. The house won't be a panacea for all that ails me. I keep reminding myself that "Unless the Lord builds the house - he that builds it labors in vain..." And so I am plodding on and trying to be grateful for today and content to live with a greater part of my life in boxes!

I've posted some pics of our progress....enjoy! (they aren't in order...obviously...)

And a side note to all the ANONYMOUS SPAMMERS who have been leaving comments on my blog - do not waste your time. I only post comments from my legitimate followers. This blog is not a forum forum for advertising your links to "male enhancement techniques" and all the other garbage I've been receiving. Don't waste your time posting. it takes more time for you to type than it does for me to hit "reject."

A New Year...A New Direction for my Life...

2010-01-16T09:44:00.005-05:00

Remember last year - how one of my New Year's resolutions was to NOT procrastinate? It's January 16th and my Christmas tree is still up. Enough said.

I haven't watered it in over 2 weeks because I kept thinking I was going to take it down "the next day" and why bother. It's at the point now where I walk by and just the gentle breeze from my passing body causes the needles to fall off. Reminiscent of that old Charlie brown Christmas special where all the needs fall of the tree with a tinkling sound.

The tree needs to come down. I am pathetic! Today is the day.

The new job is 2 weeks in and I am loving it! I didn't think anything would ever measure up to teaching but this is it. The people I work with are awesome and it is so low key there and peaceful. As peaceful as one can expect in a Hospice Home. While it can be sad to be in the midst of dying people and their grieving families - there is an element of satisfaction in knowing that you are there beside them to help then through this difficult time and makes things as comfortable as you can in the process.

I'd always been drawn to this kind of work....but kept it tucked in the corners of my mind because I figured I would be a better art teacher. The thing that hooked me on the Hospice philosophy (so many years ago) occurred one weekend in the spring of 1988. We got a call to rush to Ohio where my father-in-law lay dying. He was in a Hospice facility and I was awed by the gentleness and kindness of the people there. He died peacefully as we all stood around his bedside and encouraged him to "let go...that it was okay....that we were all here..." It was a strange experience for me. I had never seen someone die.

The next day as my emotions were still in overdrive, I got a call from my sister. She was in labor and wanted me to come over and keep her company. Several hours later I stood yet again at a bedside and was encouraging my sister (along with her hubby of course) "that it was okay...we were all here..." In the course of 48 hours I saw one human being leave this world and another enter it. The similarity between the two was striking. I was hooked. I bought Elizabeth Kubler Ross's book "Death and Dying" and tried to learn as much as I could about the hospice philosophy. I took a home health aide course and began caring for Hospice patients in their homes.

Then the real world enveloped me and I found myself caring for my own mom in a hospice setting....then a month later my dad....and a few years after that...my husband. I had now seen 4 people die and I figured that was enough for my lifetime. So I went back to school and got my teaching degree.

My sisters took a different course. One became a Hospice Nurse and the other, a Hospice Volunteer Coordinator. Then one day this past fall, sis called me up and said there was an opening for a Volunteer Coordinator at one of the local Hospice Homes in our area...and was I interested. Fast forward and here I am. The job fits like a glove. The administrative part is right up my alley - and the interaction with the families and the residents (we don't call them patients) is immensely rewarding.

I am struck by the words in the bible that say "He comforts us in our afflictions, so that we might comfort others..."

It's amazing how hindsight causes all the pieces in a puzzle to fit together. This is where I was meant to be.

Now you must excuse me now while I go tackle that tree!

The Week In-Between....

2009-12-29T12:39:00.004-05:00

Ever notice the week between Christmas and New Year's is kind of like the twighlight zone? It has no real identity. Rather like the lull before the storm. In our house, the tree is still up (albeit missing more than a few needles) there are gifts haphazardly strewn beneath its branches, and the kitchen counter holds several different saran-wrapped plates with goodies from the past festivities. Some half-eaten fudge from a neighbor ...2 stale sticky buns from the batch daughter & her hubby brought over Christmas morning....and a plate of mis-matched Christmas cookies consolidated from several different sources....

I really need to clean up the house (there are tree needles everywhere, stray bits of wrapping paper that never made it to the trash bag, and piles of new things that need to find a home...) but I am biding my time. The lull before the storm thing again. We'll go to my brother's on New Year's Eve and do the whole blow the horns, wear silly hats and throw streamers thing at midnight. We'll hug and cry and remember the people we lost this year (Aunt June & niece Betsy) and stay up way too late laughing and talking.

After that - then and only then - does the season officially end for me. At least the part with the parties and decorations...I really hope I can treasure the true spirit throughout the coming year. We'll hang out all New Year's day...napping and watching TV and munching on stale Christmas cookies. *sigh* All those months of prepping and it's over so quickly.

So for today, I'm just hanging out here - during this nameless week that's sandwiched in between two holidays and enjoying doing nothing. There's a nice fire in the wood stove that I've been stoking since 7 am, grandson is nestled on the couch watching "UP" (a great kid's movie by the way!) and I'm getting ready to brew a cup of java in my one-shot and share a cookie on the couch with my little guy. Does life get any better than this?

I guess for those of you that have to work this week - you probably can't relate. I never had to, so or me - this is normal. Being the stay-at-home mom for many years, then returning to work as the teacher...I always had the luxury of this week. But when the new career begins come January- it will be different. For the first time EVER - Lora will have to work during the "twilight" week. But that is then - and this is now.

My coffee awaits me.

Happy New Year friends!

Merry Christmas!

2009-12-23T13:06:00.005-05:00

Oh what a slacker I've been! So, so busy and no time to write.

The house (alas) is not finished for the holidays (we are s-o s-l-o-w) but we're making progress. I've downscaled on the decorations this year to make things less stressful since we're in transition mode here with much packed away and some rooms almost empty... It still looks like Christmas but on a less grander way (and way less stressful too!)

I have retired my teaching cap and accepted a job as a Volunteer Coordinator at one of our local Hospice Homes. The hours are great - the pay is great - and I know that the rewards will be even greater. I begin on January 4th and can't wait to start this new chapter in my life.

The kids will all be together for the holidays (yay!). Youngest daughter & her hubby will be in late tonight from Massachusetts. Then the festivities can officially begin!

My shopping is done. The presents are wrapped. The food is bought and ready to be prepared. Today is supposed to be a cleaning day ( my poor house here so sorely needs it) and tonight I plan to put my favorite 1940's Christmas CD on (A very American Christmas), lite the tree along with some candles, pour myself a glass of wine and revel in the joy this season brings.

Stress? Yes. Family tensions? Yes. Rude shoppers? Double yes. But in the midst of all the turmoil God gently reminds me that the true reason for the season super cedes anything that may be stressing me out.

The year I lost both parents in a month, I vividly remember passing a manger scene in front ofa church near our local supermarket. I'd been shopping and dreading the fact that this holiday me, my siblings and our children would be facing our first Christmas without mom and dad. I suddenly had this strong sense that God was speaking to me as I focused on the baby in the manger through teary eyes. He was saying "Don't you see? This is what Christmas is really all about. This is where it all started...I came and conquered death! So celebrate this Christmas Lora! It's because of Christmas that you'll see your mom and dad once again!"

I've kept that very special moment with me these past 12 years. it has helped me put things in perspective when the icing doesn't stick to the cookies...when the lady with 30 items is in front of me in the "10 items or less" line and I am in a hurry to get to the post office before it closes...when I am wrapping gifts and I run out of tape and all the stores are closed because it's after midnight and I have to get the next morning at 6 am for work...when my mother-in-law wakes me from a sound sleep the following night (when I'm trying to catch up from the night before) to tell me she doesn't think I bought enough rolls for the Christmas dinner - when I had vowed I would not have to go to one more store after I got the tape on my lunch break the day before....

All those things that want to trip me up and make me curse the season...they can't. I may grumble a bit. And vent to hubby. But I still can smile and rejoice. For unto us a Savior has been born. And I will see mom and dad and late hubby again.

Merry Christmas to all!

love,

Lora

The Holiday Season is About to Begin!

2009-11-25T09:21:00.004-05:00

Tomorrow we trek out to late hubby's (late brother's) farm for Thanksgiving. Does that make sense? There is nothing like Thanksgiving on the farm...I swear I feel like I've stepped into a Norman Rockwell painting when I walk through the door. A big old fashioned cooking stove sits proudly in the kitchen (there was a time that hot cider would be warming over the coals but now it just serves as a shelf for our beverages.) The dining room boasts a big old cello in the corner and an upright piano along the west wall. Being a musical family, both get played spontaneously and folks will gather round whoever happens to be making the music and then the singing starts.

Even though this isn't the family I grew up with (I get to have Thanksgiving with them next year) and even though hubby is no longer with us - I still feel at home there. It's warm and cozy and full of love. Family from several states gather to share a meal on this special day and I am thankful to be a part of this family. The neat part is - even present hubby likes it there! Our very first Thanksgiving as husband and wife - was spent at the farm! Not with his family..not with mine....but at the farm!

In the meantime we are cranking down hard trying to get the house finished! I've resigned myself tot he fact it won't be perfect. There's a section we will close off because it will still be "under construction" and full of junk! But as long as I have a working kitchen, a carpet in the living room and my family with me - it will be home! Christmas shopping is almost done. At least 3/4 done anyway. And it's all wrapped! That last week before Christmas will be spent moving furniture, stocking cupboards and decorating. No time to be running to the mall.

I'm also going to attempt my first "black friday" expedition. Middle daughter raved last year about all the deals. I'm not camping out a 5 am....there's nothing in particular I'm after. Just want to see what the deals are and maybe finish up the last of the shopping.

I hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving! If you eat too much - just hop back on the wagon Friday!

Cheers!

Is it November Already?

2009-11-22T08:24:00.005-05:00

November here has been pleasant as far as the weather goes. No snow. Mild temps (sparing a few frosty mornings that required the obligatory scraping of my windshield...) I still have to trek down to the lake to empty out the last few things in the fridge, purge the waterlines and sweep up any remaining crumbs that might invite vermin to move in and set up housekeeping while we're away for the season. Then I can settle into winter.

The new house is in the final stages. We need a crew from HGTV to come in do their magic so we can be in by Christmas. You know those episodes where they revamp a house in the span of a half hour show? Seriously - we have SO much to do in the next 30 some odd days! Thankfully I've put a major bite in my Christmas shopping. Middle Daughter and her hubby are going to come over and help set up furniture and decorate for the holiday. Unfortunately that won't be until the final hour (maybe even December 23rd....) but I'm confident they can successfully transform the place into one of those warm fuzzy hallmark settings. Of course the cabinets aren't installed yet, we still need a hot water heater, the flooring isn't in, the trim work and doors aren't installed.... YIKES!!!

Remember last year how I obsessed about the new carpet in the living room of the old house in time for the holidays? Things always work out. As long as my family is all together - that's what matters.

Weight-wise I was doing quite well. But then I kind of got in an over confident phase and a few pounds have crept back on. In the nick of time my niece decided to hold a family weight loss challenge so I'm back on track. Oldest daughter is getting married next September so we have a goal once again. The biggest thing this time though is the health issues. My blood pressure and cholesterol are not good. It's no longer a matter of vanity. I want to be here for my future grandkids. And there's that pressure knowing that if something should happen to me...the girls would be parent-less. Sure they have a wonderful step-dad that loves them. But it's not the same. Their real dad has been gone for 7 years now. They aren't ready to see both of our names on that gravestone just yet. One has been hard enough...

I know I haven't posted much. Or visited your blogs much either. Every free minute has been subbing at school or working on the house. Oh for the day it's done and we can relax! But the proverbial train really never does arrive at the station until the end does it? I need to enjoy the ride. Take in the scenery. Savor the journey - bumps and all.

Happy Thanksgiving!

ps...The pic above is from our girl's trip last month to Florida. It was awesome!

Woo Hoo - Still Here...

2009-10-19T05:21:00.004-05:00

Wasn't it me who promised I'd never "fall off the ends of the earth" and stop posting without letting you all know.... yes. That was me. Sorry. I've just been so busy - so stressed - and so not on a schedule that the blog has taken a back seat. But I'm still here!

The new house is coming along and by golly I DO think we will be in there for Christmas! Most of the rooms are painted, the kitchen cabinets have been ordered, the lighting has all been purchased and we have even hung the blinds in our bedroom. It's going to be a mad rush to get the flooring in, order counter tops and install the appliances (not to mention hang the doors, install the trim and the ten million other little things that will make this house our home) but we're making progress and I do see the light at the end of the proverbial tunnel!

This past week I got my official diploma in the mail. I now hold a Masters Degree. No job to show for it...but at least now when I fill out those silly surveys that ask about your education I can check the next box down. (big deal..)

Tomorrow I leave for Florida with my 2 sisters and sister-in-law to visit my niece in Pensacola and celebrate my sister's 50th birthday. We decided we needed a "girl's" trip and since we haven't done a get away like this since 2003 - it was time. I managed to lose 9 pounds and seem to be holding at that. It's a small dent. But enough to keep me motivated. We're bringing our sneakers so we can walk every morning while we're there. I can't wait! We had a non-existent summer here this year (it actually didn't arrive until until mid August and then ended abruptly) so I'm looking forward to a spell of warm weather. We'll be gone till Sunday and I plan to leave all my stress at home and just enjoy life while I'm there!

I also promise to try to write more. And visit you all more. And post some pics too!

Oh - and about the min-reunion last month. It was a blast! The old boyfriend was there and as I sat between him and my best friend since second grade (that lives too far away!) it felt like we were back in high school! There were 19 of us and as I looked around the circle as we sat around the campfire - I swear I didn't even notice the wrinkles or graying temples or extra chins that each of us sported in one way or another. It was just the same bunch of friends from so many years ago and it felt so good! The pic is of me and two wonderful friends!

Have a happy week!

2009-09-18T07:25:00.002-05:00

I have been busy. I think about writing here but get side-tracked daily!

There were family reunions, trips to the lake and funerals. After we said good bye to my dear aunt June, a close friend at the lake committed suicide. Seems he was prescribed the drug Lyrica for nerve pain in his legs and he was one of the unlucky people that succumbed to the "suicide side effect." After 2 weeks on it he began to have crying spells. After 4 weeks he leaned over a shot gun and wasn't found until the next day.

Suicide hurts so much. There's so much guilt. Why didn't we see it. What could we have done...

In between the roller coaster of emotions and over-scheduled days, I managed to get a lot of painting done in the new house. We WILL be in there for Christmas this year. We WILL! I have threatened dear hubby on this :-)

I've also gotten control of the pie hole and have managed to lose 8 pounds. It's a start. I got a kick in the rear end from my Dr. at my physical last month. Seems my blood pressure is not as low as he's like it (I've never had a problem with this before) but I've read enough from Dr. Oz about how this is the ONE number you don't want to mess around with. With the history of heart disease in my family I'm not taking any chances.

So I've reduced my salt intake... I never was an over-salter, but now that I'm reading labels I'm finding that it's hidden everywhere. Especially in so-called "diet" foods! Yesterday I was about to have a cup of instant soup. Only 45 calories. But when I looked at the label it had aver 2000 grams of sodium. Yikes! I opted for some tuna instead.

I've also been filling up on lots of fresh fruit and veggies. And avoiding the dreaded Golden Arches (except for a Southwest Salad now and then). Now I need to step up on the exercise. Hopefully those numbers will be down when I see him again next month.

Tomorrow night I'm hosting an outdoor party at the new house for about 25 former classmates from my high school days. A mini-reunion of sorts. An old flame will be there. (an old flame that actually asked me to marry him way back when.) Last time I saw him he reminded me of how I remember his dad. I wonder if I'll remind him of my mom. Last time he saw her she was about 45 years old. I'm now 52. That's kind of scary!

I'll take some pics of the house this weekend and post them next week. Cactus keeps asking me to do this so I guess I should! (that's weird - I just tried to create a link to her blog and I can't...hmmm.)

Anyhoo friends - I'm still here. I'll try to be more consistent. Things seem to be slowing down. Hope you're all well and happy :-)

How I Spent My Summer Vacation...(or why I haven't been blogging!")

2009-08-11T06:16:00.004-05:00

This summer is flying by and I have nothing to really show for it. Except a few extra pounds. You'd think when you're so busy you often don't even have time to pee in the morning that you'd not have time to eat. Not me. I'm at my all time high and I want to scream!

It's been a very busy few months but not so busy that I didn't pack on an extra 5 pounds. Doesn't sound like much - but when the 5 pounds is going in the wrong direction it's discouraging. I'm not going to say I don't know why. Because I do. I'm mindlessly snacking.

Hello...my name is Lora and I'm a snackaholic. There. I said it.

ARGHH!

Anyway, I'm determined to turn this around. My sisters and I are going to Florida in October to celebrate a 50th birthday for one of them and I refuse to go weighing what I do. I've been so lax lately. Eating whatever I please...not exercising....it's gotta' stop!

Enough on the fat soapbox. Here's my essay on "How I spent my summer vacation" by Lora.

I've managed to squeeze another trip to lake in. I tried to get the order of protection against Mr. Imanass but because no charges were filed in the last altercation it couldn't be done. *sigh* But he did lay low this past weekend and didn't bother me at all.

I camped with my kids in the Adirondack mountains 2 weeks ago and we survived. No bears - just rain. But hasn't it been doing that all summer? Gheesh!

I'm still volleying back and forth with my advisers on my thesis. I want it done already! And I'm still searching for a full time job. Though I desperately want to teach art - I'm willing to do just about anything now to have a steady paycheck and some kind of health insurance benefits. I hate the home health aide job. Can't stand living away from home 2 days every week! It throws off my entire rhythm.

The new house is coming along slowly. Very slowly. Hubby has been so busy with his seasonal job that there hasn't been much time to do anything else. We finally have a front lawn. The rain washed away the seed three times!! Most of the drywall is primed. Other than that - it's still un-livable.

We have a massive garden this summer (I don't know what my husband was thinking - like we don't have enough to do right now) but at least we'll be eating lots of fresh veggies from here on in. And the berry bushes have been bountiful with all the rain. I have 12 quarts of blackberries in the freezer and will have that many blueberries after today's picking. The garlic and onions are picked and hung in bunches to store in the fruit cellar for winter. We're still waiting on the tomatoes but the snap peas are doing great and so is the corn! The beans on the other hand are being ravaged by Japanese beetles. Any suggestions on how to handle those pesky things without resorting to pesticides? We're also waiting on the beets, carrots, swiss chard and a bunch of other stuff I don't recognize, but we did pick our first cucumbers yesteray and a big zucchini.

And lastly we laid my dear Aunt June to rest 2 weeks ago. She was my mom's sister and I adored her. Last Christmas she was diagnosed with fronto-tempera lobe dementia. It doesn't effect the mind though - just the body. With in a few months she could barely talk and by May she was in a wheel chair. It happened so fast and it was sad to watch. After the ceremony by the graveside my siblings and I walked across the street to "visit" with our parents and my late hubby. They are all buried together in a mausoleum. We decided that we are the official "grown ups" now. Whether we want to be or not. We took some roses from the spray on Aunt June's casket and wedged them into the crevices around the around the face stone by mom and dad and Pat. No one cried. Just a few arms around the shoulders....

So that's my summer so far.

I'm sorry I've been so AWOL lately. It seems my "to-do" list is always a mile long and blogging gets put on the back burner. This weekend we're hosting our annual family picnic at the new place - the yard is hospitable - just not the house. And we have an outdoor kitchen and bathroom so it's do-able. Of course it will rain....this has been the summer of rain here in upstate New York. But we'll manage.

Always do!

Back to Reality....

2009-07-13T15:14:00.004-05:00

Oh my...I've been way for a while! Tweaking the thesis, working on the new house and then away for 10 days at the lake. Oh complete blissfulness!

We were finally there long enough to settle into somewhat of a routine. Morning coffee on the dock...leisurely strolls around the lake after dinner....campfires in the evening with Benny Goodman crooning endlessly from the boom box (yeah, we're rustic there - no fancy stereo system, a TV that only plays videos, no A/C or laundry - but we do have an array of cellphones when we're all there that we actually have created a shelf for now!)

All of my daughters were there - the hubbies were gone to work during the week so we had some extra nice bonding time. My sister was across the lake (a short sprint across on the boat) with her 2 daughters and my youngest sister drove in for a night, so we definitely had an excess of estrogen at times. All good!

I received a complimentary bottle of green tea supplements from a fellow blogger (see side link under "Diet and Weightloss" ) the day I left for the lake so I decided to give them a shot and see what happens. I've read good stuff about green tea so I'll let you know!

The only flaw in the whole vacation was Mr. Imanass. (He's my jerky neighbor - the deranged one that is always harassing me.) Last night as I was leaving to go home with my 4 year old grandson (everyone else had gone - it was just the 2 of us) I walked to the top of the stairs and there he was in all his looniness - drunker than skunk with a pitchfork in his hand. Reminded me of that Grant Wood Portrait - Gothic America. Anyhoo - as I'm backing out the idiot whacks my car with the pitchfork! I jumped out (shaking like a leaf) and used some of the words I try not to say very much on him. Then I went back to my cottage and called the police. He hightailed it inside his cottage and turned all the lights out. We're on a small lake and word travels fast so it wasn't long before a few neighbors showed up. When the cops finally came (it was almost an hour...) note to self - if I'm ever in a real crisis - don't call the Bath Police! we had a small crowd and Mr. Imanass was nowhere in sight.

Well it seems that because there wasn't any damage to my car they couldn't charge him with criminal mischief. And because he never raised the pitchfork towards me (just my car) he couldn't be charged with attempted assault. My car was assaulted - what the heck??! But that's how it is down there. We actually have him on video tape throwing my lawn ornaments into the lake but he was never charged. There's lame D.A. down there that doesn't like to deal with "lake stuff". But the officer last night was nice enough and said he go down and try to scare some sense into the guy. In the meantime he told me to get an order of protection so the creep would maybe finally leave me alone.

Who knows what his issue is. He's not very popular on the lake (remember small lake - big mouths...) I think when first hubby died he kind of like to think of himself of my "guardian". He was always friendly before that (still creepy and perverted - but nice enough). Then he started referring to me and my 3 daughters as his little "Harem." Enter hubby number 2 and all hell breaks loose. The "harem" was busted up and Mr. Imanass started getting jerky about property lines and other petty issues. Anything to start a fight. Ah but I'll leave it at that or I could go on forever!

Yet even he could not wreck the peaceful bliss I experienced the past 10 days with my family at our little cottage, nestled in the hemlocks, perched on the edge of a small lake where the bass are big and gentle summer breeze rustles the curtains as the sun sets and sparkle time starts - casting glinting diamonds of light across the ceiling. How I wish I lived there all the time! Even in spite of Mr. Imanass.

Hope you all had a delightful 4th of July - picnicking with family and friends, watching the fireworks, puttering in the garden....

I'll be catching up on blogs this week. No computer at the lake so I've been out of the loop.

Ciao!

Dr. Phil Called.....

2009-06-12T11:45:00.003-05:00

I really am still here. Just up to my elbows and other nether parts in primer and plaster dust. We SO want to be in the new place before summer is over. Hubby is up to his own body parts in grease working 12 hour days at his mechanic job (and since said machines are of the lawn care nature) this is the B-U-S-Y season!

My diet (or lack thereof) is in the hole. I'll be wrapping a big towel around my rear end anytime I get the nerve up to take a dip in the lake. I've been so sore and achey lately that exercise seems daunting. When the weather changes (especially the humidity) these old joints remind me that I'm not a spring chicken anymore. Not that I'm ready to join the old hen party yet - but somewhere in between.

A few weeks ago one of the Producers from the Dr. Phil Show called (in response to a letter I'd written) and asked if I would be interested in partaking in a weight loss segment. Hello?! Like - YES! So I sent in the obligatory full length pics and answered all the questions they had. And then was told that it (meaning the segment) was on the table for now and maybe they would be contacting me in the future. *sigh* (I'm not holding my breath). But too be able to say one was on Oprah AND Dr. Phil! Wouldn't that make a fine addendum to my resume! Oh well. My biggest "alas" was because I thought just maybe the accountability factor would spur me into thinness.

Guess I'm back to doing it on my own.

My sisters and I are going to Florida in October for a few days so I have that in front of me. Perhaps it will be incentive enough.

I'm still job hunting fiercely and coming up short. Last night I went to a cocktail gala that celebrated accomplishments in the PR field. My middle daughter was receiving what's called the "Rising Star in Journalism" award so hubby and I went as her guests. The place was filled with youngsters! As in - almost every business person there was younger than 30. There were a few oldsters (maybe 10?) but everyone else was looked squeaky clean - barely out of college! It's a young persons world out there right now. Explains why someone my age is having a hard time breaking into the professional scene.... I actually have been omitting my Masters Degree on my resume as of late as I apply outside of my chosen field so as not to appear "over qualified". It doesn't make sense.

Right now I have to pack a lunch (healthy of course...) for hubby and I before I head over to the new place to prime some more walls. The downstairs is done. Only 3 more bedrooms. a bathroom, stairway, hall and walk in closet to do. ARGHH! (It must count for some sort of exercise though, right?)

Coming Home After a Long Weekend!

2009-05-26T08:12:00.003-05:00

Oh My. Where have I been? Just so busy with the new house (the drywall is done and we've been priming which is a tedious job as the walls are still white after all that painting!) I'm still away 2 night s a week at the aide job and then there's the cottage! Been there the past two weekends and what a needed respite!

Last weekend we opened it for the season. Dusted the cobwebs -opened all the windows to let out the musty smell (7 months will do that) and checked for signs of mice, Nada! I socked the fridge and cupboards with staples and we got all the outdoor furniture out. The weather was great and it wasn't so hard to go home knowing we'd return the following weekend.

We got home last night and it was so-o hard to leave! My 2 older daughters were there for the holiday weekend along with one hubby and one boyfriend (who confided in me that he would like to ask my daughter to marry him!) Youngest daughter and her hubby couldn't make it - they had to attend an anniversary party in Long Island. We missed them!

I don't realize how much I miss walking around the lake until I get there each year. I never tire of it. The old dirt road hugs the lake and grants us a view of the water almost the entire round except the little jaunt that takes us through a well worn trail in the woods loops through the old abandoned Camp Fire Kids Camp.

Little grandson went swimming with my son-in-aw and they swore the water was warm - yet both were shivering when they got out and scrambled for their towels! My daughter got w hooked on the Twilight Books and brought the second one down for me to read so we spent many hours on the dock with our noses in the books.

I love the lake so much! Time stands still and I swear I can almost hear the laughter of past generations echo across the lake at night. The stars spill across the sky and campfires dot the shoreline. Nothing is sweeter...

I definitely have to get on the stick and watch my eating though. While my shorts weren't tight - they certainly weren't loose. I need to get my walking regime going full throttle and maybe even try the running gig again this summer. Ah summer! It's officially here and it feels so good to hear myself say that.

Hope you all had a glorious Memorial Day Weekend!

Farewell Sweet Betsy....

2009-05-02T07:08:00.005-05:00

Yesterday afternoon my late hubby's sister and her husband arrived here from Colorado. They came to town for a class reunion. When the plane touched down my sister-in-law turned on her cell phone to see a voice mail alert. The new message had been sent many hours ago. It was from her son-in-law. Their daughter Betsy, had died in her sleep.

Betsy was only 35 years old. She had been fighting breast cancer since she was 24 when a Doctor mis-diagnosed a lump in her breast. Told her it was only a cyst. She believed him until a year later there were more lumps and it was too late.

Betsy refused to accept this prognosis and decided to live her life. She continued on with school and became a Physician's assistant. Although her fiancee at the time of the diagnosis called off the engagement (he couldn't deal with the cancer and his dad was part of the oncology group that misdiagnosed her in the first place...but we won't even go there....) she went on to meet a wonderful guy named Jeff. Four years ago they flew to Hawaii with his family and hers and were married on the beach on New Years Eve.

Betsy continued to swim (she was an avid swimmer) and starred in a Nike commercial doing just that! She was featured on a television show a while ago about cancer survivors and Haley Berry read her story. She was so positive and so smiley and we all believed she would beat this. She never asked "Why me?" She just lived her life and wouldn't even consider the alternative. But last night the alternative came. And her poor parents had to learn the news as the de-boarded a plane in Rochester New York. Thousands of miles away.

Besty's wish was to donate her body to cancer research. She hated the disease. I hate it too. It took both of my grandmothers. It took my mom. It took two of my uncles and it took my late husband. The next time you have the opportunity to donate to the American Cancer Society...please do so. For Betsy. And all the other wonderful people that have been taken from us too soon.

Saturday....

2009-04-11T15:44:00.004-05:00

The rough draft of the thesis has been submitted. I'll find it in a few days how much I have to revise. I'm praying not much - but having never been through this before I haven't a clue what to expect. I definitely feel as if a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. At least for now.

Youngest daughter arrived in town from Massachusetts with her hubby last night and we all got together here and colored eggs. Then we sat around the table and ate Easter cookies as we sipped coffee and enjoyed the impromptu prelude to tomorrow's festivities.

The in-laws are coming over after church for brunch and hubby's mom will be armed with her traditional 1,000 pounds of cream puffs. Okay - maybe not 1,000 pounds - but it sure seems like it when I'm looking at them the whole next week and fighting the urge to devour them all in one sitting.

After that we'll head over to my cousin's and visit with family that we don't get to see as often as we should. These same cousins that I've shared every holiday with since - well - ever! And even though we're all older now....with laughlines etched on our faces and silver peppering our temples....when we're together on holidays such as this - we're all kids again! Reliving the memories of chocolate bunnies and rainbow eggs....jellybeans and fancy clothes that we're warned to keep clean -at least until we get to Grandma's house! I can't wait!

Bridgette (my cousin's little girl that so many of you have been praying for) will be there and we have much to celebrate! The chemo is doing it's job and in spite of the fact that she was diagnosed stage 4 - the Doctors are very optimistic for a recovery!!

Right now I'm in the throes of heavy duty house cleaning and just took a break while the kitchen floor dries. During the thesis "event" the poor house was sorely neglected. Hubby and I have only been married 5 years. The in-laws still think I'm a neat freak. Can't tarnish the image. Ha!

Right now my heart is a tad heavy as today is the anniversary of my mom's death. But tomorrow I shall rejoice because I know that Christ's resurrection assures me that I will see her (and my dad - and my first hubby) again someday on the other side of eternity!!!

Happy Easter to you all! May the Lord shine His countenance upon you tomorrow and always!

(and Honi - may your Passover celebration be blessed as well!)

Looking Back.....

2009-04-06T14:04:00.005-05:00

I'm up to my ears in "thesis work" - almost done - turning in the rough draft Wednesday (yippee - yeah!) So I'm whimping out and posting a re-run. Actually - it's not a re-run any of you guys have seen...it's something I wrote for my final project in school 7 years ago. I was 45 years old at the time in a class of all 20 something year-olds. We had to create a work of art that reflected us personally in some way and write an essay to be read while the piece was "unveiled."

Mine was an old door frame with 12 window panes on it. I created a box 5 inches deep and laid the frame over the top. Where each pane was - I created a box. Wish I had a picture. The box got dismantled several years ago because the contents was too precious to leave it laying around in the garage.

Anyhoo - here's my essay. I figured it might give you a little more glimpse of who I am than what you normally see here.

This project has been difficult for me to do. Not because of technical or creative concerns - but because of where I happen to be in my life right now. Most of you, though your projects reflected an essence of looking back - have also had a strong emphasis on where and who you are now. You are all at a point in your lives where looking ahead is far more enjoyable than looking back. There is an eagerness and anticipation that makes life exciting for you all and I have enjoyed being a part of that - even if only as an observer.

My life is more than half over. I am at the 'wonderful' stage where that proverbial mid-life crisis has reared its ugly head - my hormones are in full swing - and my nest is about to become emptier as my middle daughter leaves for college this fall. Tomorrow I will graduate and it will be hard to switch gears. I've always been a stay-at-home mom and it will be hard to give up that role even though my daughters are almost adults themselves.

I have avoided looking back on my life lately because it has been a painful reminder of how fleeting and fragile time can be. Though the memories have been joyful and sweet - they have served to intensify that fact that nothing we have in this life we live is a 'given.'

My piece is a shadow box collection of memories. Each frame holds a memory from a particular era in my life. I have purposely not put them in chronological order because memories don't occur that way. I have transposed the words to some of my favorite songs onto each pane of glass because I believe music can be such a powerful tool in rekindling thoughts and feelings that we have tucked away in the corners of our mind. Throughout the piece I have strewn daisy petals as a reminder of the powerful influence my mother was and continues to be in my life. Though she has been gone from this world for 5 years now - she is still with me everyday. Daisies were her favorite flower.

The Scripture cards scattered throughout were found in my great grandmother's bible and are a reminder not only of my own faith - but of the prayers of others that have surrounded me though out my life and have brought me to where I am today. The bible I found them in was given to me by my dad, a week before he died and so they also represent him. He went to be with my mother 5 years ago today - a mere 3 weeks after she left us.

I have spent many hours sifting through old photographs, tenderly handling the memories and letting them surround me with their presence. It has not been easy. Looking back has served to remind me that I am also moving forward. This is something I am not eager to do. I wish with all of my heart that time could stand still. My husband is dying with cancer and my future is so uncertain. Though I know that the Lord will bring me through this trial as he has so many others - I am still afraid. I wish that I could step into this box I have made and linger for as long as it takes to give me the strength to move ahead.

I am hoping that my project will do more than just fulfill the requirement for this course. I want it to be a reminder to you all - of the beauty and frailty of life. Don't be in such a rush to move forward. live today - and love today - and make the most of today. Tomorrow will come soon enough.

Three months after I wote that - My dear hubby went to be with the Lord. (the pic is me & him the day after I wrote my essay.) Since that time two daughters have married (double wedding - same day!) and I have a grandson. I have remarried and am getting ready to move into a new house. I am also going to be graduating yet again this month when I receive my master's Degree. I can't believe how much has happened in such a short span of time.

My mantra is and always has been (to any of you who have been with me for a long time) to take time to stop and smell the flowers.

Happy Spring!

What Animal Are You?

2009-03-25T16:30:00.004-05:00

The M&Ms are gone. I'm wearing them on my hips. This was one big bag, people!

So I decided that I definitely needed to do some de-stressing. The new job was killing me. And I wasn't feeling all that happy about the direction it was taking. I was hired as an Executive Assistant. Part time - stuff I could do at home. Then somehow my title changed to District Sales Manager and I was expected to cold call colleges and see if I might help them in the area of international recruitment. Before the end of the second week my title was changed yet again to Marketing Director of something or other. And we all know with each new title comes new work. So I made a clean break and I feel like a large weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I'm not ready for the corporate world. Just let me be an art teacher.....

The only real stress now is the thesis. And that's not M&M worthy. Unless someone brings a big bag into my house again. That would be a bad idea....for both of us.

So I went for my first walk of the season the other day. It was wonderful! The air was warm...the birds were singing and I swear I even spotted a few buds on some trees. My daffodils have poked their little heads up out of the earth and spring is officially here in Upstate New York! And aren't I aching everywhere! Wasn't it just 7 months ago that I was actually running?? And now I've gotten so out of shape over the winter that a measly 2 mile walk has left me sore all over!

It seems lately that everything hurts! Am I that out of shape? Or am I that old? Truthfully, when I bend down to get something up off the floor these days I check around to make sure there isn't something else I can do while I'm down there. Getting back up (or out of bed for that matter) has become quite the chore.

I remember several years ago I was taking a dance class... (don't laugh! It wasn't my choice - it was a required class for my graduate studies - Interdisciplinary Arts for Children). Anyway - the instructor assigns each of us an animal and we had to do an interpretive dance (in front of the whole class) that was inspired by our animal. Okay now picture this. At the time I am about 48 years old. I have this cast on my arm because I fell on the first day of school where I was teaching that year. (I know...call me Grace) All the rest of the class is in their early twenties. They are assigned butterflies and bees and swans and eagles.... I am assigned my animal and it is - a manatee. A MANATEE! All I kept repeating to myself as I danced my 'manatee dance' was "and I'm paying HOW MUCH for this class???"

Okay. There is a point here, really. Fact is - lately I feel like I AM a manatee! Big. Fat. Lolling around with my rolls hanging out for all the world to see. Except that as I recall when I visited Sea World last - they feed them lettuce. Not Peanut M&Ms. *sigh* And as mortified as I was back in that graduate class - I'm feeling just as awful right now. Because summer is just around the corner and swimsuit season is about ready to rear its ugly head and I swear that I am not going to spend the whole season doing a re-enactment of my manatee interpretation!!!

(It was bad enough the first time.)

SO I guess that means I suck it up and get out here and walk through the pain. And pass on the M&Ms. And make really wise food choices.

This summer....I want to be a dolphin.

My Drug of Choice....

2009-03-13T12:55:00.004-05:00

Yes...I'm still here. Balancing the 3 jobs, writing the paper, counting the days till spring and eating like crap.

It seems that when I'm under stress I throw caution to the wind and eat myself silly. It's the crunch factor. Some people bite their nails. Some people crack their knuckles. Some people grind their jaws.

I don't grind my jaws - but I do move them up and down with something inevitably stuck between them. When I'm stressed....don't give me cake. Don't give me ice cream. I need something crunchy that I can chew on to make me feel better. Like peanut m&ms.

Dang those peanut m&ms! Last weekend my sisters, sister in law, daughters and nieces came over for a Girl's night. Everyone brought a snack. ARGHH! And didn't someone bring a big -we're talking GINORMOUS (that's a word now!) bag of peanut m&ms. And didn't they NOT take it back home with them. And haven't they been calling my name all week long and aren't I almost through the bag?

Gheesh.

I feel like a manatee.

I've slipped into the what does it matter syndrome. You know, where you're tempted to eat something and you weigh the cost and decide what does it matter? Not the whole weight loss thing in general, but the part that figures what does a few hundred calories matter anyway.

But darn if they don't! I started thinking yesterday about all the things I shove into my mouth that I think don't really matter and then looked at my butt and decided that YES.. They DO matter.

Sometimes I think we stick our heads in the sand and convince ourselves that cutting out a bit here and there isn't going to make a dent. It's do or die. As in deprive ourselves of something big and we've hit pay dirt. Pass up on the handful of m&ms and it's no big deal. As in might as well eat them because I certainly won't lose any more even if I don't...

But then I looked at my butt again and realized that it IS a big deal. (In my case...a very big deal.)

I could sit here now and pontificate about how I've had this great revelation and that from henceforth things will be different. But I'm pretty sure I've done that before. This is no great epiphany here for me.

I just figured it would be better to pound away at the keyboard and not the bag of m&ms in the next room calling my name.

Thank You My Wonderful Blog Buddies!

2009-03-04T07:24:00.004-05:00

Thank you, thank you, thank you! All of your warm thoughts and promises to pray were so touching (some even from people I've never "met" yet) meant more to me than you could ever know!

Bridgette is hanging in there. She's a strong girl and has a positive attitude. Even though her prognosis is very serious, we're hoping for the best. Thankfully the chemo has not made her as sick as they thought it would (yet) so we're counting that as a blessing.

I had the dreaded colonoscopy Monday. Wasn't able to eat for 35 hours and actually learned that I can live (gasp) without food and not go berserk. The prep part was not so much fun. The stuff I had to drink was the worst and by the end of the 2 hours (I had to drink 8 oz every 15 minutes) I was gagging it down.

I got to the Doctor's at 2:30 and she was "behind" schedule (pardon the pun) so I sat there apprehensively until 4:45 waiting for my turn. When I was finally admitted they started an IV and assured me that I would be in la-la land though out the whole procedure. They said most people fall asleep but for those that don't - there is an amnesiac effect from the drug that causes them not to remember a thing. Yeah right.

I was awake the whole time and pretty much remember everything. I watched my colon on a TV screen and though I wasn't all nervous...there were two times that I yelled out "Ouch". I think they looked at my height (I'm only 5'4") and not my weight when they determined the amount of drug they'd give me.

I'm not trying to scare anyone from having the procedure. I wouldn't be afraid to do it again...but I sure wish I'd slept through out it like they said I would! Thankfully everything was fine and I don't need another one for a long time! (I was really worried because my younger sister had a malignant polyp removed 2 years ago and my even younger sister had several pre-cancerous ones removed also.) I didn't have any. Guess I got the good colon. (Both sisters are fine by the way...)

But if you're at that age where you should have colonoscopy - do it. Colon cancer is a silent killer and so very preventable! (I'd rather have a colonoscopy than go to the dentist if that makes you feel better....and I haven't had a cavity in 24 years...)

Youngest daughter is coming in from Massachusetts Thursday and we're having a "girls night" here Friday with my sisters, daughters and nieces. I tried to find something for hubby to do that night but couldn't so he'll be here too. Should be interesting.

Right now I need to get the house cleaned (and pray hubby keeps it that way while I'm gone from today till Friday at my overnight job.)

Thanks again - to ALL of you for your kind comments regarding Bridget. You guys are the best!

Prayers, please.....

2009-02-26T12:31:00.004-05:00

Sometimes we can become so involved with the busyness of "living" that we fail to recognize the frailty of life. Until it smacks us in the face and we are left blindsided.

Last Saturday was one of those times.

My cousin brought her 10 year old daughter to the Dr. because of a nagging cough. After she'd made the appointment her daughter mentioned that "there was this lump on her neck..." By the end of that very same day, Bridgette was hospitalized in the pediatric ICU with a tentative diagnosis of Hodgkin's Lymphoma. Stage IV.

My cousin looked at me with tears in her eyes and asked "How can a person wake up one morning and everything is business as usual - and by the time the day is done, their whole world has been rocked to the core?"

I didn't have an answer. Hugs were the best I could do.

Further testing has shown that there are tumors in her lung, pancreas and ovaries. She starts chemo today. I've been down this road. Too many times. It sucks. (sorry - that's the only word that seems to fit.) Four times I've stood at the bedside of someone I loved and watched them pass from this world to the next. Three of those times were preceded by the roller coaster ride of cancer.

All I could think of when I got the news was.... Strap your self in....it's time for another ride.

There is room for guarded optimism here. One must always cling to hope. But I'm scared. For Bridgette who is much too young to have to fight a battle that even the strongest of adults fear. I'm scared for her parents, Tracey and Mike. This is their firstborn. Their little girl. They are in anguish.

But I cleave the knowledge that we serve a loving God who will see them through this trial. Whatever the outcome, He will be there. There will be a lot of times along this journey where there will be only one set of footprints. But it will be a long journey. And their lives will never, ever be the same again.

Please pray for Bridgette...and Tracey...and Mike.

If you would like to follow her story - go to the Caring Bridge website.

And hug somebody you love today.

A Bit of a Whiner Today....

2009-02-23T08:21:00.006-05:00

As of Friday I am now juggling a third job. I was hired as an Executive Assistant to the president of a new company that places foreign students in American colleges. It's only 10 hours a week so far but may involve some travel. I'm also doing my health aide job which is another 48 hours and then substitute teaching when they call. Why? Bills, baby. Bills. And get this....our house and cottage are both paid for. Our cars are paid for. I have no credit card debt. It's the darn health insurance, property taxes and college tuition that have me floundering! And then those bills you can't avoid. The ones that heat your house, light it up, allow you to converse on the phone, and blog.....

I just can't imagine how people are managing that do have outside debt. Especially those that are getting laid off from their jobs....

This sure isn't what I pictured for my "golden years".

As a stay at home mom for 21 years, being back in the work force has been a stretch for me as it is. For so long I was used to tending my nest - planning good meals for my family....keeping my house neat and organized....being on top of all the little things like sending birthday cards out on time, shopping for my groceries when the stores were empty (ever try to shop on a weekend?)

Now everything seems to be done in fast forward with no time for fussing.

And then there's that darn thesis that will be my nemesis for the next 10 weeks. Will there be any breathing room? I sense of period of immense stress.

But I have determined that this too shall pass and by May I'll be breathing much easier. Maybe even living in our new house.

So I have to be careful not to mindlessly chew away my stress. Hubby came home Friday with so many fresh veggies that we could barely fit them all in the fridge. And we have to eat them all while they're still fresh. This will be a good thing.

This afternoon I have to go for a "colonoscopy consultation". Why in the world do I need a consultation? I know what they're gonna' do. Just do it for goodness sakes.

I'm not looking forward to it but I'm 51 and it's time. Middle daughter just wrote an article for the hospital she works for (she's the editor and PR person there.) It was all about colon cancer being a silent killer....and the importance of screening. She sent it to me and made me promise to go. So I am.

Anybody out here been there, done that? It's not at the top of my list of favorite things I want to do....

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner?

2009-02-18T07:43:00.005-05:00

Oldest daughter came over Monday. She was sick and I guess no matter how old they get, there's something about being at mom's house that makes things a little better. So she's laying on the couch sound asleep and I'm typing - fixated on the computer, putting the final touches on my thesis proposal.

After a little while I hear rummaging around in the kitchen and assume that her appetite must be back. This goes on for sometime when I hear her voice (from the couch) asking "Is that you, Mom?"

"Noooo...you mean it isn't you, Rachel?"

"Ummm....no."

I jump up and run to the kitchen just in time to see a squirrel nose diving at my sliding glass doors - trying to get - OUT! Of course we both do the obligatory girl scream and hop on the couch. (As if that will afford us any protection lest the little rodent decides to attack us.) I grab my cellphone and call hubby.

"There's a SQUIRREL in the HOUSE!"

"What?"

"A SQUIRREL! In the HOUSE!"

"Let him out."

Gheesh. Men are so daft sometimes. Like I'm going to walk over to this critter and just open the door and say "Here...let me get that for you." He runs into the living room and disappears. I grab a large stick and wait. Not that I plan on whacking the thing. Just for protection. You know...in case he attacks. I saw the movie "Christmas Vacation"...

Hubby tells me to phone him back when the squirrel is outside. So daughter and I sneak over to the door and slide it open about 8 inches. Mind you it's 27 degrees outside. Then we sit on the couch so that we can see into the kitchen and wait. With the stick. Just in case.

After about a half an hour he runs toward the door. He pauses, twitches his tail a bit and then runs out. We slam the door behind him.

Never a dull moment over here! The only way I can figure that he got in was the evening before when I was lighting a fire in the wood stove and the draft backed up and started letting smoke into the house. I opened the door for about 10 minutes to clear the smoke out. Yes, we have a screen door on the slider, but it was on the other side and I figured it's winter....there's no bugs or anything. Wasn't thinking squirrels!

That means the night before when all the kids were here for dinner....so was the squirrel. And all night while we were sleeping unaware upstairs - he was in here. Ewww!

Anyway - that was my drama for the week.

Thirty-one days till Spring!

Happy Valentine's Day....

2009-02-14T08:06:00.004-05:00

Last night I walked into the house after being gone on my two-night "away" job. Sometimes hubby keeps the house nice and neat while I'm gone. More often than not, it's in a bit of disarray. I was braced for the worst.

Since I knew we would be babysitting dear little grandson this evening (Valentine's Day) I knew hubby and I would not be going out. I was a little sad. All day as I was caring for my patient in her home, her TV had been droning in the background. And every talk show was capitalizing on Valentine's Day. My dear hubby is not *sigh* a hopeless romantic. While he can be sweet and tender and caring - he's not the best at recognizing the few special days each year that I would like just a tad of some sort of romantic overture (like on our anniversary...or Valentine's day.)

So as I was saying - I was prepared to walk into a less than tidy house, drop my suitcase and start fixing dinner. instead I opened the door to find a trail of rose petals leading through the kitchen. I followed the trail and it led to a beautiful vase filled with nine roses. The trail kept going. So I followed it up the stairs and into our bedroom. There on the bed was another smaller vase with the remaining three roses.

I was floored! This man who comes home from work every day with overalls on, a dirty Carhart jacket and greasy hands (I'm married to a mechanic) had bought me a dozen roses and took the time to make it fun for me to find than and had made the bed while I was gone! (Did I mention the house was clean too?) What a guy!

So I called him and said I thought maybe our house had been broken into...because there were flower petals all over the place. We both laughed and he said he'd be home soon, and that we'd be going out to dinner.

I'm reveling in all of this. Because it doesn't happen that often!

If only men knew how little it takes to please a woman. At least in the romance department.

I'm still smiling.....

So is he.

Another "AHA" Moment in the Teacher's Lounge...

2009-02-10T17:38:00.005-05:00

So I'm sitting there eating my lunch in the teacher's lounge today...mindlessly leafing through a magazine. I had my turkey sandwich, skim milk and apple before me feeling quite smug. Then I decided on a whim that the cream of broccoli soup they were serving sure looked good - so I popped into the cafeteria line and got a small cup. Somehow I justified this in my mind. Don't ask me how - but at the time it seemed to make sense.

Back to the magazine. Just as I'm finishing the last bit of my lunch and daintily brushing the crumbs off my lap, I turn the page and see an article about making good lunch choices. And smack dab in the middle of the page is a picture of two lunches. Both are 340 calories. One is a half of a turkey sandwich, a bowl of tomato soup, some grapes and an Oreo cookie. The other is a bowl of cream of broccoli soup. Nothing else.

I closed the magazine, let out a big sigh and cursed the cream of broccoli soup under my breath. If I'd only THINK about what I eat before I eat it and learn to make better choices. Eating to stay healthy - and lose weight - doesn't have to mean deprivation. On the contrary - wise choices leave us a whole lot more to eat.

I found this great article on Spark People. It contrasts several different 300 calorie meals. What an eye opener it was for me! I know it will be for many of you too. For me...I like to eat. Always have. Always will. The thought of nibbling on cottage cheese and celery for the rest of my life is an impossible notion. But after looking at these 300 calorie meals - that I'd been "giving up" for my crap food - I have a different attitude.

Check it out. You'll be amazed!

Icy Fun.....

2009-02-07T15:03:00.004-05:00

I haven't been here lately....It's not that I have writer's block. Quite the opposite as a matter of fact. I've been pounding away on my crummy thesis. The last hoop I have to jump through before I'm awarded that elusive Master's Degree I've been working on like...forever!

Actually it's not even the thesis itself that has kept me so busy. It's writing the darn proposal (which is about 10 pages in and of itself.) I'm writing about art advocacy. You know...why the arts are important and should not be the first thing layed on the proverbial chopping block when budget cuts are made. Timely subject...in this rough economic landscape we're living in right now. It was the only thing I could think of that I'm even subtly passionate about.

Once the proposal is submitted and I get the okay to proceed - I have to pound out about another 80-100 pages by the end of April. I SO do not want to do this. But if I want to graduate and get permanent certification in New York state....I must.

Okay. Enough of that gibberish.

Last night I put my bathing suit on.

Winter white

Cellulite

In a bathing suit

T'was oh so tight.

It wasn't a pretty picture. I went to my sister-in-law's for a pj party. There were 5 of us gals. We kicked the men out and then sat around the kitchen table and ate and laughed and ate some more. Then we went out side in the 13 degree temperature and hung out in the hot tub. The water was steamy and delicious but the air was frigid! My hair had mini icicles forming on the wet ends.

At one point two of us decided to be daring and hopped out into the snow. We were going to make snow angels. But it was so darn cold and we sunk in the snow up to our knees. We made a quick U-turn right back into the hot tub. Funny thing - at the time I wasn't even thinking about what I looked like. Blubbery thighs and all against the snowy back drop.

I thought about it this morning though. And decided that I don't want to get too comfortable in this body. You see...I gained a lot of weight fairly quickly when I met hubby 7 years ago. Like about 30 pounds. And up until recently, I've always viewed it as temporary. As in - not who I really am. But like I said - I'm starting to feel like I belong in this chubby little fat-suit. And that's not such a good thing. Because then I get complacent. And complacency does me no good.

I guess it's time to get serious.

Again.

A Few Random Thoughts....

2009-02-01T15:43:00.006-05:00

I've been thinking lately. About all the wonderful people I've "met" through blogging. We've got kind of a network going here!

There are blogs I visit faithfully and others that I'll visit because they left a comment on mine. Often they become regular reads too. Some I visit because I see their blog name in someone's side bar and it piques my curiosity. Or I'll read a snippet of their most recent post in that same sidebar and I have to read more!

For whatever reason - I feel like I know a lot of you. And I've started to value you as friends. Does that seem strange? In this techno-savvy cyber age we live in...we can form a relationship with someone we've never met face to face - and probably never will. You guys have given me great advice when I've asked (and even when I haven't!) You've cheered me in my successes and encouraged me in my failures. Some of you have even prayed for me. Thank you.

I've tried to return the favor whenever I can.

Which brings me to my most recent thoughts. I'll back up first though. Most of you "know" Pattie. If not- go visit her blog! Pattie went AWOL on us for about a month. Which is fine. Life happens and we get sidetracked sometimes. But a lot of us were worried. Why did she stop so abruptly? Did something happen? As in something bad?

I tend to be a worrier so my thoughts were heading in scary directions. And I got to thinking....what if something really bad happened to one of us. No one in blogland would ever know! I suppose for some the anonymity of blogging is a welcome thing. It allows us to open up our lives in candid ways that are for the most part - quite cathartic. But I recall reading once in an article about blogging (when the phenomenon was still quite new) the author said that there is a great unrest in blogdom when someone abandons a blog. I didn't understand at the time...but I do now.

I'm NOT getting down on Pattie for not posting for a month! Honest! It's just that I started worrying and I wasn't prepared for that! I didn't think I could actually worry about someone I'd never met.

So here's what I'm gonna do. If I ever decide to hang up my keyboard and retire from blogland, I'll let you know! I write the obligatory "good bye" post. In the meantime, I may be MIA sometimes for a week or two as I pound away at this thesis of mine - but I promise I'll not go away for good with out a goodbye. Which I have no intention of doing anytime soon!

And if I ever just disappear with no warning - send me an e-mail. I promise to reply...and if I don't....well....then I guess you can worry.

Well - there's my philosophical 2 cents on a cold Sunday afternoon.

On my Fridge...

2009-01-24T09:08:00.004-05:00

I've been down for the count, folks. Sick, sick, sick! And I had my flu shot this fall. Go figure. Only good thing was I didn't feel like eating much. One can always find the perks, right?

I've attached my inspirational collage. It's not very big...just large enough to hang on the side of my fridge and make me think twice before opening it up and foraging for something I don't need. I really have to undo the holiday damage in a big way. Hubby came home the other day from the market with lots of fruit and veggies and whole grain items. What a breath of fresh air after the holiday appetizer run that lasts in our family the whole 12 days of Christmas and then some. My body has been craving stuff that's good for me lately. I think it's finally staging a revolt and telling me ~ no more crap!

I saw the movie "Grand Torino" yesterday. Clint Eastwood (a very old Clint Eastwood) was in it and it was pretty good. I wasn't sure if I'd enjoy it at first - seemed kind of like it was going to be a "guy-flick" but it turned out to be very enjoyable. The language is raw though. That's the only thing that bothered me. But no nudity or sex. Can you imagine? Hollywood turned out a movie without those two elements. And it's getting rave reviews. Hopefully they'll take note.

Have a happy weekend. Sty well. Eat well.

Cold in - Cold out....

2009-01-19T12:22:00.003-05:00

Youngest daughter and hubby were back in town this weekend (from Massachusetts). He had a hockey game here in town so we spent another whirlwind weekend of activity. That probably explains why I'm sick today. Nasty cold and wicked cough. I'm just not getting the rest I need. The holidays have taken a toll on me. I know...the holidays seem so long ago....but my tree is still up! Don't worry. It's coming down today. It just went up so late that I needed to enjoy it a wee bit more.

So Saturday my daughters and I had a film fest and watched a bunch of old videos. I couldn't believe how thin I was! And not all that long ago. What happened?

It certainly motivated me to step things up a bit. I made my little inspirational collage and it's hanging on the fridge. (Just can't find the camera to take a pic of it - but I will!) Hopefully it will keep me focused as we begin this long stretch of winter here where pretty much nothing is happening. For years we always went to Myrtle Beach and camped just to get a does of sunshine and warmth in the winter, but after my first hubby passed away I sold the Motor Home and it hasn't happened since. I miss those trips. A lot.

At least the sun is shining today (in spite of the frigid reading on the thermometer.) Maybe I'll go sit in front of the big window in the living room and read a book while I nurse this cold. it's not the same as a sandy beach...but we do what we can, right?

Biggest Loser Made Me Cry!

2009-01-14T07:49:00.003-05:00

Did you see The Biggest loser last night? I cried three separate times during the show! Everyone is so concerned for one another in that group. Not like last season when there was so much bitterness and nitpicking. Maybe it's because these people are so severely overweight. They understand one another and feel each other's pain. I hope it lasts through out the season. I still think it stinks (even though I can understand the reasoning somewhat) that nine people were sent home the first week. If I was one of them I'd feel pretty lousy - and cheated. I guess we'll have to see how things pan out and if the producers knew what they were doing.

I'll tell you though - when it came down to Jerry and Daniel at the end I was a mess! Jerry was so noble though....saying he was at peace with the decision. He knew what it would be. Daniel so needs to be there. I'll be rooting for him all season!

On the home front here - it's zero degrees as I type this. Brrr! My youngest daughter is driving in tomorrow alone from Massachusetts and I've warned her to dress warm and stow a blanket in the car. Just in case. Her hubby's team is paying hockey in our town this weekend (he'll be coming here on the team bus) and we'll all be going to the game.

I've been doing good with my eating....staying on track all day. It's in the evenings that my resolve seems to crumble. Exercise isn't happening - and there's no excuse for that. I sure wish I could afford a personal trainer that would kick me in the butt each day and motivate me. It's that old procrastination thing that gets me every time.

Though I have done better with that in some areas. Just not the exercise one.

Well...I'm going to go get a fire going in the old woodstove. It's pretty cold in here right now and the blanket around my legs and coffee cup to warm my hands isn't cutting it anymore.

Happy hump day to all!

Staying Warm...Keeping motivated.....

2009-01-10T09:52:00.004-05:00

Wow - back to work after a two week hiatus and already I'm feeling behind again. My house was so neat and organized....life moved at a somewhat slower pace - except those few days of non-stop Christmas (which I thoroughly enjoyed!) Then I go back to my care taking job which takes me away for 2 nights and bingo! The messy fairy comes back to roost (I think "her" name is hubby) and I'm not feeling so much like June Cleaver anymore.

It's been really cold here! Last night it was 2 degrees when we went to bed. Hubby kept snuggling up to me saying "Come on...have a hot flash!" Where are they when you need them? I'm not going to complain though - I heard that Alaska has had a two week run with minus 60 degrees! Can you imagine???? Sixty degrees below zero??? How do their cars even run when it's that cold? BRRRRRRRRRR!

Anyway - last night we went to my sister's for a going away party for her son-in-law. He leaves today for Officer Training School. He's joining the Navy as a Flight Navigator. His folks are from Nova Scotia and are pacifists. Totally against anything Military. Which has made it hard for him to do this without their blessing. But we gave him lots of hugs and encouragement last night and told him how proud we were. Not that it isn't scary - sending a loved one off to join the Military when we're at war.... But we're proud of him and plan to keep him surrounded with lots of prayers.

On the diet front.....I'm needing fiercely here to take back some control! Last night my sister-in-law commented that I looked like I lost weight. I shared with her the merits of dressing in all black....that actually I'd gained a few pounds over the holidays. Then we both lamented for 45 minutes over the pretzel bowl about how badly we want to make a change this year. As we shoveled pretzels into our mouths of course.

Watching the premier of Biggest Loser last week gave me a little mojo. I'm anxious to see how the people they sent home - do on their own. In last week's episode....at the very first weigh in - they sent almost half of the people home with the challenge that if their partners do well - they can return. At first I was ticked. How could they send them home the very first week! But then the rationale set it and it made sense. The producers want to show people that this CAN be done at home - on your own. If course I already know that....reading so many success stories of some of you fellow bloggers. Still - it will be interesting to watch.

One of the little motivators I'm working on right now (that I did many years ago and it help me shed a lot of unwanted pounds) is creating a visual reminder of my goals. (being an art teacher...I work and learn best visually.) So I'm cutting out pictures that inspire me and putting them all together in a collage. Have you ever leafed through a magazine and come across a picture of a model in a really cute outfit and something goes off in your mind that says "I want to wear that! And have it fit me like that!" And then you vow to lose some weight! But then the picture fades from your memory and you soon become complacent and forget all about it. Well - I'm putting together some really motivating pictures (realistic here - no starving waifs) and plan on keeping the collage in prominent place so I can always be reminded of my goals. I'll throw in some healthy food choice pictures and maybe even a few of me that I'd rather burn (just for incentive).

I'll post a pic of it when it's completed. I think having a visual motivator might be what I need to keep me focused.

Stay warm except you Sharron (I know it's already hot in Australia!) You stay cool!

Ciao!

Reflecting on the Season Past....

2009-01-05T08:34:00.003-05:00

It's Monday...the first "real" work day after the two-week holiday hiatus and I'm feeling bummed. I know I have to take the tree and the decorations down this week *sigh* and I always hate doing that. Admittedly, it will be much easier this year since I simplified in anticipation of the move. I only lugged half the stuff out (but that's still a lot in Lora's world.) But it's not the elbow grease involved that has me bothered. I just hate un-decorating. The house always seems so magical during the holidays. The lights, the candles, the bright red and greens....and of course - the tree!

I just love turning the lights down in the evening and basking in the glow of the tree and the wood stove. I play Christmas music straight through till New Year's Eve (when hubby puts his foot down and say no more!) I light all the candles and just sit there. Alone with my thoughts and memories.

This was absolutely our last Christmas in this house. As excited as I am to be in the new place - there are so many memories of Christmas past that I want to hold onto and savor and embed in my mind so that I never forget. Time has a way of fading certain memories. I don't like that.

When we moved into this house the girls were all still in grade school. They were 8, 10 and 12. First hubby was still alive and we were in our 30's. I had to hide presents. Now I just display them under the tree as they are wrapped. On Christmas morning they came bounding down the stairs instead of through the front door. The video camera is no longer perched on a tri-pod capturing every nuance.

Things change. Time marches on. Christmas was still magical here. Just different. And different doesn't always deserve the bad rap it gets. But I still hate taking the decorations down. I hate saying goodbye to the season that brings so much joy and laughter. I hate turning the page to another long dreary winter. I tend to spend January through April counting the days till spring. That seems pretty dumb. Life still happens in those months, right?

I'm going to try to purposefully enjoy winter this year. I think of the client I have (the one I take care of every Wed-Fri) that has cancer. This was her last Christmas. This is her last winter. None of us can read the future - but to those given a glimpse (such as my client) life seems all the more fragile and worth enjoying, right?

I want to squeeze the life out of every day! Enjoy it all! Even the snow!

A Magical Winter Night....

2009-01-02T11:21:00.006-05:00

Last night I had one of those "in the moment" kind of experiences. The kind where all of a sudden you get lost in your surroundings and become an observer of your life and the things around you. Almost as if you're viewing things from someone else's eyes.

It was evening and hubby decided to let our 4 year grandson take a few spins around the back yard on the mini snowmobile we'd purchased for him earlier this summer when the sun was hot and snowmobiles were cheap! After bundling the little guy up so that he'd survive a week in the tundra (instead on just an hour or two outside) I decided on a whim to join them.

Anyone who knows me - knows that I hate the snow and cold. With a passion. But I decided that I just might enjoy watching the delight on his little face more than the warmth of the wood stove inside so I bundled myself up too.

It was magical out there. No breeze, just the stillness of the night air. The moon fell across the mantle of snow in a way that made it look like tiny diamonds had been scattered across the surface. I was mesmerized. I'd seen this before...but not in such a very long time.

I started looking around and that's when it happened. Suddenly the 20 foot arborvitaes that border the side yard became a picture from a Christmas card. The fluffy white snow clung in bunches to the limbs and reminded me of the trees in the little Christmas Village we set up each year.

Looking toward the house I could see the brightly lit kitchen window and the candles flickering within. (I light many candles throughout the Christmas season and well into the new year.) I spied a corner of the fridge with the little construction paper Christmas tree hanging lopsided on it that little grandson made for us and it seemed surreal. I could smell the aroma burnt pine spiraling up from the chimney. Was this my house? My life?

If I was someone else looking in - I think I'd want this life. I think I'd be envious! It was one of those moments where all of a sudden you see what you really have and appreciate it.

I want to have many more of those moments in the year to come! I think I can. All I have to do is focus on what I already have...be grateful...stop taking things for granted. Too often our eyes become blind to the beauty of our own lives. We see the same things day in and day out and then we end up not seeing them at all.

This new year I want to try to pause and see my life. Experience it. Revel in it!

I wish that for all of you too!

Welcome 2009!

2009-01-01T09:40:00.004-05:00

Well, it's here. 2009. We ushered it in last night, very low key. Oldest daughter was at a party. Youngest is back in Massachusetts. Middle daughter went to a movie with her hubby and managed to make it here at 11:57. We poured 4 quick glasses of champagne in the tall fancy glasses that used to be my mom's and gathered round the TV to watch the ball drop. I can't stand champagne. I never make it through the glass.

A few minutes after midnight, sis and her crew filed in. We toasted again and after fielding phone calls from my other 2 siblings and the daughter in Massachusetts, we gathered in the living room for cheesecake and talk. It was nice. Quiet - but nice.

At my brother's house there were hats and streamers and blowing horns. A lot different than here. Part of me wished I was there. The other part is thankful this morning because I actually woke up feeling alert and refreshed. I'm sure they were up till the sun came up!

I'm scanning the horizons of this new year for possibilities. I think this will be a big year of change for me. I'm hoping that in spite of the tough economy, I land a solid job. I'm hoping it's teaching....but trusting God that whatever He provides will be what's best for me.

We will move into the new house this year. (How long have I been saying that?) But things are finally getting done over there and come spring - I will no longer live here - my home for the past 15 years.

I will turn 52 mid year. Holy cow!

I could sit here all morning, sipping my hazelnut coffee and muse about the possibilities. But I said I wasn't going to procrastinate this year! While hubbie's at work (yes, the man works incessantly....he's self-employed and this is snow season and people want their snow blowers - New Year's Day or not) I'm going to start working on my graduate thesis.

I don't mind the research part so much, or the writing part. But I can't think of a topic and that has me going in circles! I have to come up with some sort of a hypothesis regarding education and the arts, do some research and prove my point. Any suggestions out there?

Seriously - I'm stumped! I'll take any and all suggestions. Please?

Happy New Year blog buddies! May 2009 bring you all the best life has to offer!

It's New Year's Eve!

2008-12-31T08:20:00.003-05:00

This morning I woke up to a thick blanket of snow covering the ground. It surprised me because we had a spell of warmish weather here over Christmas that melted just about everything. I expected to see green again today. The snow caught me off guard.

I guess it's fitting. This being New Year's Eve and all. The snow for some reason seems symbolic to me. Like it's covering up all the failures of the past year and making way for the new one ahead.

Why is it that January first is the day we always mark for "starting fresh"? The day we decide to change something we don't like about ourselves, or do something that will improve something in our lives. We may decide to lose weight (big one here.....notice all the TV ads lately?)...or exercise more....or keep a neater house.....or read our bibles more....or stop smoking....the list goes on an on.

So why is it we do it now? Does hanging up a new calendar make it somehow easier or more time worthy? Or is it because we know that everyone around is also trying to "do better" this year too? The accountability factor perhaps? Or has it just been easier to tell ourselves these past few weeks (months) that we'll start fresh then - instead of now.

I really don't know. I guess for me, New Year's Eve always brings a time of reflection. I think about the changes in my life in the past 12 months. What I've accomplished. What I haven't. Who got married.....who got divorced. Who moved away....who came back home. Who

is no longer with us....

I'm a sap for nostalgia and I always get a little weepy as the big ball descends from it's perch in Times Square. Like I'm saying goodbye to a bit of my past. Not just turning another page in the proverbial book of life - but beginning a new chapter.

So what's going to be different for Lora this year? Sure....I want to lose weight. I want to exercise more. I want to keep a neater house. I want to read my bible more. But will I? Where does want meet will? For me - I've done what I always do. From Thanksgiving through Christmas I eat with abandon. I neglect all the things I said I'd do last year. I fall severely into the "I'll start January 1st" mode. From December 25th until the 31st I begin to think about my resolutions for the latest chapter in my life and always come up with several very nobles ones. I plot out my strategies and usually sail through the better part of January doing okay. And then - like most of us - I start to fall into the ruts of those old patterns that are carved so deeply into my psyche and all my noble intentions fall to the wayside.

Sound familiar?

So I've been thinking really hard all week. Why does this happen? Why can't I do this? And I've come to realize the paralyzing factor in my life. The ONE thing I really need to change that will hopefully make all the others fall into place.

PROCRASTINATION.

And it's more than just the weight loss. It's my whole way of thinking. The way I've always lived my life. I put off unpleasant tasks. I've always told myself I work better under pressure but that's a cop out. It's the pressure due to the lack of time that makes me productive. But in the process I stress out and do less of a job than I probably would have.

In Lora's world, the bills are sailing through the postal system ON their due date - never before. Groceries are bought when something important runs out. Like coffee. Or toilet paper. Important papers for grad school are pounded away on the keyboard the night before they are due. I decide what I'm wearing to work while I'm in the shower. Laundry is done when I run out of underwear.

All of this causes stress. For me and those around me.

So why do I procrastinate? In my feeble mind do I think the problem or chore will somehow magically go away? What is more pressing that I can't do what needs to be done now instead of some other time? I wish I knew.

But there is one thing I do know. That if I continue to procrastinate - my life will continue to be stressful. I will continue to pay bills late....run out of coffee and toilet paper...agonize over papers that are due for weeks (instead of just doing them and being done with it)...scramble in the morning for something to wear and do laundry at midnight so I don't have to "go commando" in the morning.

So I only have one resolution for 2009. To stop procrastinating. Perhaps then, the rest of my life will fall into place. If I can teach myself how to "do instead of say," I may just succeed at some of the things I hope to accomplish in this new year.

How about all of you? What do you have planned for 2009? It's a brand new year! There's fresh snow on the ground (at least here) and the ball will drop from Times Square at midnight.

Whether we're ready or not. I'm ready! Are you?

Merry Christmas!

2008-12-26T09:12:00.004-05:00

Usually my Christmas cards are something I begin shopping for early in the year (sometimes even in August!) I always want them to say just the right thing This year, although I looked high and low, nothing seemed to say just exactly what I was looking for.

It probably seems silly, to get so hung up over the message on a card, but Christmas is the one time of year when mentioning the name of Christ is acceptable. Oh, I know there are still those who would say that we should keep all the "Jesus" stuff out of Christmas - that it gets int he way of the holiday spirit (what ever that is.) but I like to take the opportunity at Christmas to dwell on all the "Jesus" stuff, because to me - that's what Christmas is.

Our society has secularized the season to such an extent that the babe in the manger is nothing more that that - a babe in a manger. We forget that He is the King of Kings, the Prince of Peace, God himself. We tend to get so wrapped up in the preparations for the holiday (the gifts. the decorations, the baking, the parties...) that the whole awesomeness of Christmas slips right past us. We forget that the story is true, that it all really did happen some 2000 years ago.

It is more than just a magical night with a bright star, a few shepherds and a bunch of angels. God left the splendor of heaven to dwell in the body of a human being, with all of the frailties and imperfections, in order to redeem mankind. Hundreds of Old Testament prophecies were fulfilled through His birth. The long awaited savior, the Messiah had arrived at last! How sad that as many rejected him then, many still do today.

It is my heartfelt prayer for all of my friends and loved ones, that this Christmas, Jesus is your central theme. Christianity is more than the church you go to, or the traditions you've been brought up with. It goes beyond your deeds or actions, because belonging to Christ is something we could never earn. If that were so, He came in vain.

Being a child of the King, is a gift...one that was given to us in the form of a babe in a manger, opened up to us in the miracles and teachings of a man in whom all the fullness of Deity dwelled, and culminated in in the opening of Heaven's gates through the death and resurrection of our Lord. But like any gift - it must first be received. I pray this Christmas that you take the gift as your own and that in the busyness of this holiday season, you take some time to reflect with genuine wonder and thanksgiving - the reason for the season.

Merry Christmas ~ Lora

See post below...

2008-12-16T16:42:00.007-05:00

The Stockings were hung by the chimney with care....

2008-12-16T15:49:00.010-05:00

Christmas arrives in 8 days. Whether I'm ready or not. And I'm not.

I have my shopping about 80% done. The Christmas letters have been printed and folded. They just need to be stuffed and stamped. There is still no furniture in the living room We plan on lugging the old couch that is stored at the new house over here and pulling up some old end tables from the basement to create a makeshift living space for Christmas morning when the kids come over to open presents.

The tree is up. But not much else. I still have several bins stacked in the near empty living room but I'm not sure how much will make its way to the rest of the house. I'm simplifying this year and it feels so very strange. Usually I have this little ritual where I turn on some Christmas music, pour myself a glass of wine and hum my way through the decorating process. It always begins with the tree and turns into a day long ordeal. It's so much fun. Especially when it's all over and I light the tree, burn some candles and bask in the glow of Christmas.

About two hours into the decorating process, I get the stockings out - three large stockings that I carefully made for each of my girls when they were very little and I had time to linger in my sewing room. Back in the day when I used to sew three matching outfits for them each Christmas and Easter....in the throws of young motherhood when our engery is boundless and is only equalled by our dreams.

This part is always bittersweet because inside one of the stockings, tucked deep inside the toe, are two little note cards with handwritten messages - one from me to my mom and the other to my late husband. Each was written as a tribute of sorts. The one to my mom - the Christmas just before she died and the other to my husband - my first Christmas without him. They were written only for my eyes. Before I hang the stockings I take them out, read them, cry, pour myself a second glass of wine and resume decorating. I guess it makes me feel as if in some small way - each is still somehow a part of the Christmas at hand.

I don't know if I'll get everything up this year. I'm working over 60 hours this week. And there are loose ends to be tied up at the new house. And cookies to be baked. And presents to be wrapped. And parties to attend. And stockings to be hung....

Two Weeks Under....

2008-12-09T10:33:00.003-05:00

In the midst of all the hustle and bustle over here (translated S-T-R-E-S-S) I managed to read a book last week! I probably wouldn't have bothered at this busy holiday time (who has time to read a book right before Christmas??) But I was asked to review it and decided why not?

Turns out it was really great book - a mystery which is always right up mY alley - and a great de-stresser to boot! It has been some time since I picked up a real "Page-turner" - you know - a book that you can't just put down in spite of all the other things in life that are vying for you immediate attention.... Not since I read "The Shack" anyway.

The book (you're dying to know, right?) was called Two Weeks Under and was written by Rivka Tadjer. One of the reasons I agreed to do the review (in the midst of all the other millions of things on my plate) was because the storyline caught my eye. Being in the perpetual state of trying to lose weight that I am - the premise of this book - which is about losing weight by undergoing a two week, medically induced coma - was enough to pique my interest. Now doesn't that sound like an easy way to jump start the old diet!

But the story is more than juSt about the weight loss gimmick. Seems that a number of middle aged women that have tried this new "diet" are committing suicide. Hmmmm.... I won't go any further than that lest I spill the beans. Suffice to say the book is great and I couldn't put it down!

If I could say anything negative it might be the sprinkling of foul language. I guess in some circles of women - dropping the F-bomb is normal. Not in mine....so it bothered me a bit. Other than that the book was terrific! It kept my interest (which is hard to do these days) and was not predictable in the sense where you figure it all out way before the characters do.

On an aside - the sub plot of the book - deals with body image - and the main character makes some startling realizations about herself and who she is - weight or no weight. Something we all might need to take to heart.

I recommend this one, guys!

Remembering My Brother-In-Law....

2008-12-08T08:08:00.003-05:00

A few weeks ago I was contacted by a fellow blogger regarding my late brother-in-law. Actually she was the person that was instrumental in getting me to start blogging. I was googling my bother-in-law's name (he was a writer - had published a book and wrote a syndicated column for the Buffalo News here in New York.) During my search I came across his name in one of her blog entries. Seems she was an avid fan of his and was lamenting that there were no copies left of his book to be found anywhere.

I commented on her blog and we fast became friends. I faithfully read her blog and after about 6 months, decided to start one of my own. Her blog has nothing to do with weight loss but it's packed with nuggets of spiritual truth and wisdom and find it truly delightful!

Fast forward to a few weeks ago. Seems a writer for the Buffalo News was also googling my late brother-in-law's name and stumbled upon her blog. He contacted her wondering if she knew any of his relatives that he could speak with regarding a column he was putting together as a tribute. She forwarded him to me and we've been chatting back and forth via phone and e-mail these past few weeks.

Yesterday the column was printed and he sent me a link (as I don't live in Buffalo where the paper is published.) I've included this link if you'd like to read it!

In the column, "Ed" is my late husband. His real name was Pat, but his brother always used middle names to protect our privacy. The quote by "Laurie" is mine.

It was so special to see a tribute to my brother-in-law. He died almost exactly one year after my own husband's passing. I miss them both so much. How special...the written word that lives on long after we do.

Enjoy!

Early Morning Rambles...

2008-12-03T05:52:00.003-05:00

The festivities went well here. I managed to entertain 18 people in a living room with no furniture. We set up two tables in there for eating (on the new rug!) where we pretty much hung out all evening - talking while the kiddies played in the family room (which does have furniture.)

Thank goodness for that Oxy cleaner stuff because my little niece (bless her heart) left a trail of cranberry sauce on the new (off white ) rug under her seat!

Last night we went to Lowe's and bought all the lighting for the new house. We also picked out the faux stone that will surround the entry way out side. So many decisions. It's fun - and it's not. The spending the money part anyway....

My eating has been horrible with a capital H. My 12 challenges have gone to the wayside and while I have only gained a pound...I know that there will be a delayed reaction coming on. I just have no real schedule these days. We eat at odd hours - often on the run and my desire to snack incessantly has been out of control. Part of me wants to just check it all and start fresh in the new year - but that's what I do every year and frankly - and it never works.

How is everyone else doing at this volatile time of year when food is everywhere and stress is abundant? Any survival tips?

I've got to get in shower...it's 6 am and I have to teach today and then be off to my overnight job at 5. This weekend I have three (yes, count 'em....three) plays to see for a graduate course I'm taking that have to be reviewed by next Thursday in the way of 4 page papers. Arghh!

Halleluiah!

2008-11-26T22:42:00.005-05:00

I have carpet!!

I arrived home around 9:00 this morning from my job and immediately started helping hubby rip out the old carpeting (which embodied the living room, stairs and upper hallway.)

The installer showed up at 11 AM and had everything done by 2:30. It looks wonderful! And now I can entertain the in-laws and not be embarrassed by the state of the old rug. It was gross people - with a capital G!

Youngest daughter and hubby arrived around dinner time from Massachusetts. Let the holiday begin!

I hope that all of you have a wonderful Thanksgiving!

We'll all eat too much tomorrow...as long as it doesn't stat us on a month long roll, we'll be okay. Right??

Happy Thanksgiving Week!

2008-11-24T06:30:00.003-05:00

It's 6:30 AM and I have a few free minutes to myself to sip some coffee and browse blogs. That's not a regular occurrence for me anymore these days. I worked my overnight job Wed-Fri last week...came home for the weekend and will leave in an hour to go back to the job until Wednesday. Then I come home and help hubby tear out all the carpet because the new rug is supposedly being installed that afternoon. We shall see.

In any event - after that I do some speed cleaning & cooking. I sense a bit of stress welling up in the already full pool (I was going to call it a "stress" pool - but that sounded too much like "cess" pool....)

Youngest daughter will arrive home from Massachusetts Wednesday also and I'm really looking forward to that! We haven't had her here for a Thanksgiving in years! And when we host the second dinner here at our house on Friday we have another major milestone. Hubby's brother and his wife (who are Jehovah's Witnesses and celebrate NO holidays) have agreed to come for dinner. As long as we don't call it Thanksgiving. Even though we're having turkey....and all the family will be there and of course...and we will be giving thanks...as long as we don't recognize the celebration with a name - they will come.

They have NEVER attended any holiday, birthday or other special occasion with the family since they were married 25 years ago. Enter Lora 5 years ago. Who's persistent. Who just kept inviting them hoping (knowing) that eventually they'd give in. I'm the rebel. I send them Christmas cards every year. And I've invited the whole crew over for dinner before in mid December when my Christmas tree is up and the house is all decorated. I even went so far as to put on some holiday music but hubby squashed that. Said I was pushing it.

Anyway - we love these guys and want to spend time with them. So now we are! Hubby's mom is thrilled beyond words.

One last note before I end and finish packing for my overnight....Saturday hubby & I went to see a movie. First one in years! I think the last one was "Chronicles of Narnia." This one was called "Fire Proof" and it was excellent! Hubby cried more than I did. (He's sappy like that - which is one of the reasons I fell in love with him.) Anyway - if you're looking for a wholesome movie that embodies strong values - this is a must see.

If I don't check in before Thursday - y'all have a great Thanksgiving!

Working on my Attitude....

2008-11-17T08:37:00.004-05:00

Gosh...I can remember when I'd trek off to the library just to make sure I blogged each day and if I missed a day I felt so...unconnected. Lately I've been so busy that it's just not on my priority list. I have seen that happen in blogland. Blogs come and go.....sometimes get resurrected and then slowly fade away into cyber space.

I'm not ready to do that yet. Even though my sporadic posts may seem to indicate otherwise. It's just that my life at this point is hectic to say the least. And I'm trying very hard to just let go and relax and not worry about what doesn't matter. Like hosting Thanksgiving here for the In-law's with most of my furniture gone. And serving dinner in our empty living room (that has been serving as "workshop central" as we've been remodeling here to get our house ready to sell.) Which means the rug that will hopefully be replaced before next Thursday (but probably won't) is spattered with paint, ground in sawdust and dirt! And the good dishes are in storage. And I have one couch and one love seat in the already small family room to take care of 15 people while we wait for dinner.

And then then there's Christmas. The house could and should've been done by then. But alas I'm married to a procrastinator that hems and haws before each decision. I keep saying "Get the drywall man on the books so when we're ready he is too!" But has hubby done that? Nooooo. He keeps putting off the essentials for things that are not on top of the priority list. Now we're ready and the drywall guy isn't.

I keep telling him "We HAVE to order those kitchen cabinets so they'll be here in time." But he wants to keep looking just in case there's a better deal. I'm all for better deals but we've been looking since June!

Okay. I'm not truly complaining here. I've got much to be thankful for and I'm going to focus on that. If the inevitable happens and we have to do Christmas here - there will just be a little tree with minimal decorations. Most of my stuff is packed and ready to move so it won't be the magical wonderland that I always try so hard to create each year. (Got that from my mom!)

It'll be different. But who knows. Maybe it will be the Christmas we always remember. That Christmas the year of the great move! Or maybe not.

But I've somewhat readjusted my attitude and keep repeating the mantra my late husband always clung to. Accept or change - but don't complain. I'm trying to keep my focus on God and what the season truly means. I'm praying for grace daily to accept my circumstances and still have a grateful heart. As we've been collecting to fill Thanksgiving baskets to give to the poor in our area - I'm remembering how having a dirty rug or few decorations is the least of their worries. And should be the least of mine too.

Lest I sound too Saintly - believe me - I struggle. Keeping one's eyes off of one's self isn't always easy. We weren't wired that way. So I'm looking to the Master Electrician to do some re-routing in this heart of mine. So this holiday season...I can see the true light.

Monday Musings.....

2008-11-10T07:11:00.005-05:00

I'm still on a screwy schedule and it's getting screwier. Now I alternate my overnight days and every other week I go Monday to Wednesday and then Wednesday to Monday. On the off days I try to sub in our district and then the rest of the time I play catch up on housework, laundry and working on the new house.

The ETA of being in there by Christmas is looking bleaker. The plumber (FINALLY) comes today. The electrician will hopefully get there this week to make some last minute changes. Then.....drum roll please...the drywall goes up! I can't wait to have some real walls so it starts looking like a house instead of a skeleton!

As much fun as I always thought it would be - there are so many decisions to make! Last night we stood in the future master bathroom and argued over the vanity size. I wanted the counter area to be big - as in I'd have my own turf - hubby would have his. He didn't get it. So we pretended to each be at our respective sinks - and I set my imaginary make up bag down....then my imaginary curling iron....then my imaginary blow drier....and he quickly realized that I'd be infringing on his territory. Not that men have all that much stuff, mind you. It was just a matter of his side vs my side. In any case, he finally understood and this morning I found sketches of the final plan and I have my extra long vanity area.

I'm getting excited as things get closer to being finished. Sometimes it feels like a dream because for the first time in my adult life I'll finally have something new - and done the way I want it to be - not the way someone else thought it should be. I have to pinch myself regularly. I'm so thankful!

Now it looks like we'll be hosting Thanksgiving here (at the old house) for hubby's family. My sister will do the big dinner for our side Thursday - and we'll host dinner for the in-laws that Friday. I'll be working that Mon-Wed so this will be tricky. Trickier yet is the living room is empty (as in no furniture) and we've been using that area as a "work station" as we fix up this place,so the old rug is covered with paint and sawdust. I'm going to try to get a new carpet in before turkey day. Hmmmm...I sense a bit of stress coming on.

Okay - gotta run to get to my job on time. I've been reading blogs just not time to comment right now. but trust me - I'm keeping tabs on you all!

Election Day Musings.....

2008-11-04T16:49:00.003-05:00

I feel so out of the loop these days. So much to do to get the new house ready for the holidays! I seriously think we may not make it. Which will be okay....as youngest daughter reminded me "Mom, Christmas is wherever the family is - even if it's in a house that's half empty." You see, because we're anticipating this move to transition sometime in December, things are slowly getting packed up and stored away, given away or thrown away. And my house is a tad empty.

My goal is to move into the new place with as little clutter as possible. Living these past few months with much of my stuff already in boxes, I've learned to enjoy the simplicity. For so long I held onto items that had sentimental value to me...things that belonged to my mom, or that the kids made when little...or sometimes just ugly junk that I couldn't even remember its source - but I hung onto because it had been around so long I figured it would just be wrong to get rid of. How lame is that?

So slowly I'm parting with things and realizing that they are just that - things. That old chipped and cracked ceramic cherub that used to grace mom's bookshelf looks out of place at my house. It always has. No matter where I put it. But I always sigh as I dust around it and tell myself..."but it was mom's....I've got to keep it." But (again as one of my wise daughter's reminded me) it's not my mom. And to toss it isn't tossing away mom. So it's leaving.

There are a few wonderful things I'll never part with. But for the most part I'm doing a pretty good purge over here. Craig's list has been great for selling things that might still be useful or wanted by someone else. And I've found that if I set things nicely out by the curb, they usually disappear within a short time. And if not - then the trash man takes them away and soon.

Anyway - that's been my life thus far. Working odd hours - long hours - de-cluttering this place and trying to make the new place habitable.

On an aside - if you live in the U.S. I hope you got out and exercised your right to vote today. A lot is riding on this election. I voted with my conscience. Weighed the moral issues at stake and pulled the lever. I hope you all do the same!

Still Here.

2008-10-28T04:33:00.004-05:00

Still on this busy schedule and not finding the time to blog, or comment. This week I'm working 64 hours. The laundry is mounting dangerously.... Hubby is trying to pitch in but he's working long hours too.

Needless to say I'm not exercising or eating very well. And we're entering the dreaded holiday zone (dreaded as far as eating and weight gain go!) Time to get a re-charge and get back on track.

If I haven't commented on your blogs please don't think I've abandoned you! I get on the computer for snippets of time and try to catch up when I can. I'm still here! I'm able to read blogs while at school during my free periods...but not comment. There's a block on that now.

Hope you all are hanging in there too!

ARGHH!

2008-10-21T09:58:00.003-05:00

Lately I just haven't had the time to spend on the computer like I used to. I seem to have so much on my plate these days. (Not a real good metaphor, eh?) But honestly! I'm working 2 jobs (one which takes me overnight two nights) the other per-diem subbing so I never know what each day will bring. I lead a women's Bible study, teach Sunday School, am taking a graduate course and trying to put together a proposal for my thesis (a separate course next semester but one I need to prepare for now, as my thesis will be due next Spring.)

Did I mention we're still working on the new house which still *sigh* only has studs for walls at this point and absolutely MUST be done by Christmas! I refuse to host the holidays here as I have no furniture at present in my living room (gave it to my daughter when she moved out because I knew we wouldn't need it in the new place) and all my decorations are packed away for moving.

Can anyone say STRESS???

I'm trying to keep things in perspective. Prioritize and all that. And I have been saying no to some things. Like when our Pastor asked all of our small group leaders to spearhead a missions project in November. Nope. Nada. No can do.

On top of everything I'm supposed to be winning the weight loss war. I feel more like hoisting the white flag at this point. Sticking to my challenges has proven to be just that - a real challenge. Because friends - I'm stress eater. And believe you me (!) when I opened our stock report this month and saw how much of our retirement investments were wiped out - I ran straight for the Oreos.

Christmas is coming. Bills are due. Money is short.

Sorry - I had to vent. If I didn't I was headed straight for the Oreos again.

Farewell Summer.....

2008-10-17T14:39:00.004-05:00

Last night I slept in my own bed for only the 2nd time in 10 days. In a few minutes I leave yet again to spend another night away. Tonight I'll be at the lake with my oldest daughter. But it's not exactly a pleasure trip. We're battening down the hatches for winter. You know....water off, antifreeze in drains, fridge emptied, can goods brought home, boats away, outdoor furniture stored.... I'm getting tired (and sad) just thinking about it.

Wasn't it just a short time ago that we were doing all of the above in reverse? I remember vividly standing on the end of the dock - looking across the lake and thinking how the WHOLE summer loomed ahead of us! That was 5 months ago *sigh*

There was a day when we spent more time at the lake than not during the average summer. First hubby was a teacher and I was a stay at home mom. We were truly blessed. I'm so glad we bought the place when we did - he had 4 wonderful summers there before he died.

Fast forward to hubby number two. He's self employed and the summers are his busiest times. Add building a house onto that and what do you have left? Four...maybe five quick trips to the lake if we're lucky. Although we did splurge and spend a whole week in July (!)

Next summer (God willing) will be better. The house will be done. Our lives (again...God willing) will be less hectic. I plan on spending much more time there. Even if I have to drag him. Or go alone (which I've been known to do.)

But for right now - I'm heading down to say goodbye. As always, just before I leave I'll pop my head back in the door (Mary Tyler Moore style...which means nothing if you never saw the last episode...) and whisper goodbye to the memories we made - this summer 0f 2008. I'll walk around the lakefront real quick and take in the view. And then I'll walk to the end of the dock and toss the obligatory rock into the lake that always heralds the end of the season. My middle daughter started this tradition years ago. Recently we started finding a pretty little rock and letting it rest on the railing of the deck all summer in order to "absorb" the memories. That's the one that will find its niche in the bottom of Lake Demmon tomorrow. With all the others. (I know - we're a really hoplessly, sappy, sentimental lot.)

Hopefully Sunday, I'll have time to catch up on blogs. Until then - enjoy the weekend!

I'm Still Here....

2008-10-14T06:52:00.004-05:00

I'm still here. Just getting used to this wacky schedule...being gone 2 nights out of the week with no computer and then a jaunt to the lake for the holiday weekend.

I've been pretty lax on my challenges. Being at this house every Wednesday through Friday has messed me up. All meals are included in the deal... but it's been strange. The woman I'm caring for eats weird things (and I'm told to "help myself"). Which is awkward....rummaging through some one's fridge or cupboards looking for something to eat. So when she goes out (as she often does...friends will pick her up and take her places) I usually make a run over to the local supermarket (which is a very bad thing for me to do) because they have a literal smorgasbord of buffet items all cooked and ready to take out as you please. And I crack every time. Not to mention the downtime there. I literally spend hours in "my room" with nothing but a TV and over 1300 channels to surf. So I tend to grab unhealthy snacks from home and nosh through out the day.

I know I have to make some major changes or I'll put on this weight I've taken off. Bringing my own meals....healthier snacks....filling my water bottle regularly.

And this weekend at the lake - my sister threw her back out so there was very little walking. And there was good food. We tend to throw caution to the wind when we're at the lake. Not good. I haven't even stepped on the scale since last Thursday and I feel bloated.

Things have just been so darn disorganized around here. I hate living between two places (well...actually 4 if you count 'em all!) This house, the new house, the cottage and my job. I feel so disoriented! I need routine!!

And now I may need to go to my "job" today instead of Wednesday to cover for the other live-in aide who's sick. And I haven't even unpacked all the way from the lake. ARGGH!

Okay. 'Nuff moaning.

Enjoy the picture of the lake we took this weekend, Fall is beautiful there!

My Latest Read....

2008-09-30T09:52:00.003-05:00

Of course we stayed at the lake an extra night. Seems we always do. Me being unemployed and hubby being self-employed has its perks I guess.

I had fun with my sister & her family. It was so neat to look across the lake and know they were only a 10 minute walk or a 3 minute boat ride away!

Today I'm going to use my blog for plug. Not because anyone asked me to - just because I want to! A book review actually....

I just finished reading "The Shack" by William Young. It's a work of fiction in the sense that the story never really happened. But it's true in the sense that it's based on truth. If you read it, you'll know what I mean.

The first few chapters are slow. I put the book down several times before I finally picked it up and got past chapter four - where things pick up. After that I couldn't finish it fast enough! Very few times have I read something that has moved me as deeply or opened my eyes so - as this book has. My view of God has not changed. But it has been enhanced. I can understand the depth of His love so much better now. I can see the difference between religion and relationship much more clearly.

There is much controversy swirling around this book. The legalists are having a hey day. But I believe they are lifting 'catch phrases' from the text and making inferences that I frankly don't believe exist. But hey. Who am I? Just my opinion, that's all. In any event - I strongly would urge you guys to take a look at it. It's available in paperback. (Carried at the local public libraries too - but heavily on back order due to its popularity at the present time.)

I'd love to dialogue here about the book if you've read it. Or plan to. It's awesome!

Going To The Lake To See My Sis!

2008-09-26T16:07:00.004-05:00

I've been scurrying around all day trying to get packed for a trip to the lake. This will be the first time we've been there that my sister is there in her new cottage! They closed on it last week and have been there since Tuesday. The lake is pretty quiet (read: dead) during the week so they have been itching for us to get there since...well...Tuesday!

I'm so excited! We've pretty much planned to eat most of our meals together - the hubby's and son-in-laws have plans for an early morning fishing date tomorrow (barring no rain) and I'm sure my sister & I (and our daughters - we each have one coming with a hubby) will take lots of walks and spend hours chatting the day away on their wonderful big deck!

We've talked to one another more on the phone these past 2 weeks than we have in the past 5 years. (used to call each other every day - way back when). So this has been nice. Our relationship has been resurrected by way of a small lake in the southern tier of New York. Cool beans!

About the pic - from left to right (youngest sis, lake sis, me , sister-in-law) I'm the oldest...can ya' tell?

On another note - today I went o Wendy's. ARGHHH! I ordered a #1 combo. DOUBLE ARGHH! I couldn't help myself. It was lunch time and I caved.

So much for my confession. I'm back on the FF wagon. No more relapses.

Have a great weekend!

More Zucchini Recipes....

2008-09-24T12:34:00.002-05:00

I got a call just now that the woman I "house sit" with went into the hospital with an infection so I'm not needed this week. I hope she's okay. And on a selfish note - I'm really needing that $300 I won't be getting this week. Have faith Lora...have faith.

So hubby brought home yet more zucchini last night. I decided that maybe I would try my hand at some zucchini soup. I've had pumpkin soup before (it's to die for - honest!) so I figured maybe the zucchini version would be good too.

I found two recipes on the internet that caught my eye. One because it was easy and the other because it was touted as being the most awesome zucchini soup ever.

Don't believe everything you read.

I decided to try both as - as both recipes were different and well...I couldn't not try the most awesome zucchini soup ever. The first batch (the easy one) really was easy and it was wonderful! I will definitely make this one again. I made enough to freeze 6 pints of it. (Hubby and I both ate bowl as soon as it was done...to see if we liked it. And we did!

The second batch - which called for chicken stock and laughing cow cheese was bland and yucky. We tried to doctor it up with some dehydrated onions, salt and some asiago cheese. That helped some but it was still nowhere comparable to the first batch which I'm posting below:

One very large zucchini

(the kind that hide in the garden and you don't spot them until they're about the size of a small child.) Well....not that big but you get my drift.

2 large onions

1 stick butter

2 teaspoons dried basil

2 cans cream of chicken soup

2 cans water

Chop the zucchini into cubes and dice the onions

Simmer in a covered pot with the butter until tender. (stir occasionally)

Blend 1 can soup & 1 can water in blender.

Add some of the zucchini mixture and some of the basil

Blend and pour into large container.

This part you do in cycles until all of the zucchini & onions are mixed with the soup & basil.... depending on the size of your blender.

When all is mixed together - pack into freezer containers and freeze.

I'm not sure about the calorie count - the stick of butter and the cream of chicken soup is divided up into 12 servings so I don't' think it's that high.

Anyhoo -it's really tasty and I'm looking forward to curling up with a bowl for lunch one day this winter!

My personal challenges are coming along...okay. I'm struggling the fruit & veggie thing. Getting lots of veggies with my evening meal (thanks to the abundant harvest in our garden this fall) but not so good on the fruit. I need to get to the market and stock up. Water - check. Fast food - check (except one slip up last week). I think I may have mentioned that before. Moving more - need to remind myself! Small plate - sometimes. Definitely smaller portions. Cleaning (or not cleaning) my plate - that's where I'm bombing. I finish the last bite and then rememberI was supposed to leave some!

I'm still plugging away though.

And last night - Biggest Loser! Great show as usual! It was hard to see the gray team go. They seem to have the deck stacked against them with the way ALL of their family overeats. I know they've managed to do well so far at home - I hope they can keep it up.

And the yellow team - what were they smoking? $10,000 is a lot of money - but no way would I have ever jeopardized my position above the yellow line! I'm glad the old guy is still in though. I want to see him get healthy.

Let me know if you try the soup or pie (yesterday) and what you think!

A Simply Wonderful Sunday Night...

2008-09-22T15:01:00.004-05:00

Last night was a perfect night. Not because anything special happened. It was in fact - quite ordinary. I was just sitting on the couch watching my husband play with our grandson. Mega Blocks were scattered across the floor. The room was awash in a an amber glow from the single lamp that was lit on the old table that sits in the corner. It was early evening and we had just finished dinner.

I can't really describe the emotions that had enveloped me except to say that I was at perfect peace. It didn't matter that I still don't have a teaching job. It didn't matter that a stack of bills were resting on the kitchen counter that didn't care if I had a job or not. Nothing really mattered except the moment.

Have you ever had one of those times that defy all human explanation? Where in the midst of the storm, God's love surrounds you and get a taste of that peace that surpasses all understanding? It's awesome. To be in the center of God's will and be content.

Perhaps I've finally learned to let go of my wants and embrace that part of the Lord's prayer that says Thy will be done. At least for now I have. Imperfect woman that I am....I have to remind myself repeatedly.

Dinner. Now that was awesome too!

I've been trying to be very creative with the abundant supply of zucchini that our garden is readily supplying us with. (I told hubby not to plant so much!) We've given lots away - but still - each evening I find another couple of the green monsters on my kitchen counter begging me to do something with them. The freezer holds many bags of shredded zucchini to use in future loaves of zucchini bread (when the ones already made and frozen are exhausted.)

We've grilled 'em, baked 'em, fried 'em.....and frankly...I'm zucchini'd out!

Until I came across this recipe in one of my healthy cook books (Eat Well -Live Well). It's called zucchini pie and it is incredible! Even hubby (my meat man) who balked all the way to the table - asked for seconds and raved about it! It's definitely something I'll make again. And again!

If you want to try it - here's the recipe:

Preheat oven to 375 degrees.

4 c. zucchini, thinly sliced

1 c. onions, coarsely chopped

2 tsp. olive oil

1/2 tsp. salt

1/4 tsp. garlic powder (I used 2 tsp fresh minced garlic)

1/2 tsp. dried oregano

2 TBS. fresh chopped parsley or 1 TBS. dried

1/2 tsp. black pepper

1/2 tsp. dried basil (I used 3 TBS. fresh, chopped)

2 tomatoes, chopped (I used 1 can of diced tomatoes)

2 eggs, well beaten (or 1/2 c. egg substitute)

2 1/2 c, part skim mozzarella, shredded

Saute zucchini & onion in oil until tender (10 min.)

Stir in dry ingredients and continue cooking 1 minute.

remove from heat.

Add tomatoes.

In separate bowl, blend eggs & cheese.

Coat pie pan with non-stick spray.

Pour mixture into pie plate.

Stir into vegetable mixture.

Bake 20 minutes or until knife cones out clean.

Let stand 10 minutes.

Serve in wedges.

For those doing WW (or similar) - 1 serving is 2 proteins, 1 complex carb, 1 simple carb & 2 fats.

It's awesome guys - truly awesome!

There's No place Like Home!

2008-09-19T16:24:00.006-05:00

Well that wasn't so bad! I was really nervous about going into someone's home I'd never met before and living there for 2 whole days - eating. sleeping, showering there...it seemed weird. But the woman and her husband were very nice. She has end stage cancer - still gets around with a walker (the cancer is in her spine now) but needs help getting dressed and preparing meals. There was a lot of down time that I spent in "my room" with a TV that had over 1000 channels. Too many choices!

Cool thing though - my bathroom (yes - I got my own) had one of those doctor's scales - you know, the real accurate ones with the sliding weights. And I weighed in at 186. Whoo hoo!

Right now I need to spend some time with my hubby. It feels good to be home! But surprisingly enough - I'm not hesitant to return next Wednesday.

More tomorrow!

Biggest Loser Thoughts....

2008-09-17T13:07:00.004-05:00

I'm off in just a bit to my "new" job. A tad nervous but feeling calmer with all the nice thoughts of encouragement sent my way. Thanks guys!

I'm not sure if there is a computer there for me to use during my down time. if not - I'll check in Friday evening and let you know how it went.

Who watched The Biggest loser last night? I'm hooked already! And amazed (or maybe stunned) is a better word - at the losses the first week. Is that possible?? I'm thinking these folks pigged out tremendously just before the first weigh in so maybe a lot of it wasn't true weight. In the weeks to come we'll see what transpires.

I'm also eager to see how the guy with the major health concerns makes out. I wish ALL of the contestants could stay the whole time. I felt so bad for the couple that were voted off last night - but happy to see they kept with it lost more weight! Especially the woman - she looked awesome!

Well...gotta finish packing and get going soon.

Take care all and do share your thoughts about last night's show!

One more thing....

2008-09-16T16:27:00.004-05:00

Two posts in one day ~ No, I'm not bored, just remembered that The Biggest Loser premiers tonight with the "Biggest Loser Families"! I received an e-mail from NBC inviting me to watch some previews and they were great! They also informed me that they're starting an interactive website called

The network has also started a an interactive website called Biggest Loser League. I've checked it out a little bit but plan to peruse more after tonight's show (when my mojo is in overdrive.) Let me know what you think of it.

Okay - that's all!

This and That....

2008-09-16T06:55:00.003-05:00

Can you believe that here in upstate NY we got some of the aftermath of Hurricane Ike? Sunday night we got strong winds up to 60 mph that knocked out power to 60,000 people. We were among them. Our power was only down for about 25 hours and aside from lighting candles and making coffee the old fashioned way - we were fine. I kept thinking of those in Texas and counting my blessings.

Earlier Sunday my sister, niece & I went for a walk at one of our local parks. There is a really nice boardwalk that goes for quite a way over the Genesee River and ends up at the mouth of the river where it flows into lake Ontario. It was HOT! Almost 90 degrees (unusual for this time of year) but we still enjoyed ourselves. We did a little over 3 miles. We're hoping the next time to follow the trail in the other direction where we can see the water falls. The pic above is of part of the board walk that is about a mile long.

I've also decided that in light of no teaching jobs on the horizon I need to do something so that we can tackle this ginormous property tax bill looming over us this fall. New York has some of the highest property tax rates in the nation. What's that slogan song....I love New york...not always!

Anyhoo - my sister owns a company (she's an RN) that places live in companions with people that are elderly or ill. She has set me up with a 60 something year old woman that has cancer and needs help with daily activities. She says the woman is a lot like our mom and that I will really like her. I am going to split her care with another health aide and go to her home from Wednesday to Friday. To say I'm nervous would be an understatement. It's going to be very awkward living in a stranger's house - even if it's only 2 days a week. The woman is married so her husband will be there too. Strange. So I'll be sharing my meals with this family, sleeping a their house, showering there....it's going to be awkward.

I guess I'll get used to it. It's certainly not what I had in mind for a job right now - but beggars can't be choosers.... Hopefully I'll pick up some per-diem sub jobs on my off time. I'm not sure if there will be computer access there (which would be crummy because sis says there is a lot of "down" time where I'll just be in "my room" until she needs me.) I'm going to the library today to get a bunch of books to tide me over and I suppose I'll be watching a lot of TV. I'm too old for new adventures! Years ago this wouldn't have phased me. But I'm doing what I gotta' do and trusting God has a plan. I have this gut feeling that I'm meant to be there for whatever reason.

On the personal challenge front - I've been slacking a little. I broke down Saturday and had a Big Mac. No fries or anything. I just had this craving and I figured since it had been well over 6 weeks since I went to the Golden Arches - that I would indulge. I did do some walking last week three times as well as my "parking farther" etc thing. But I have been remiss on my portion sizes (neglecting the small plate) so I need to work on that.

This week's challenge is to eat a healthy breakfast. All studies indicate that breakfast is the most important meal of the day and I must confess that I often either skip it or opt for something that is sweet. I have such a major sweet tooth in the morning! A slice of zucchini bread with my coffee is heavenly. But not a wise decision when it's done daily. So I'm going to concentrate on this area. Opt for some whole grains, fruit and protein.

I'm also making a chart for myself that will serve to remind me of my weekly challenges. They are becoming greater in number and this peri-menopausal mind is like a sieve these days.

I hope the rest of you are biding well - sticking to whatever it is you've decided to stick to and making progress!

Prayers for Texas....

2008-09-13T11:45:00.003-05:00

Last night I woke up several times during the night to turn on the TV and see how Texas was doing. I felt guilty all warm and safe in my bed with my window open and a soft end-of-summer breeze drifting in while I knew that down south, thousands and thousands of people were not resting so peacefully. Many were evacuated to shelters where they stayed wondering about the fate of their homes while others were hunkered down where they were - riding it out with no electricity, while the winds and waters whipped around them. And then there were others stranded on roof tops, or oil freighters, or worse.

I prayed for the safety of people I didn't know. It seems surreal. The way we are all connected to one another when tragedy strikes - even though we may be on different sides of the country. Perhaps it's because Hurricane Ike decided to strike right on the heels of the anniversary of 9/11 that the kinship resonated so deeply with me. We are all connected in one way or another - if by nothing else - our humanity.

As John Donne so eloquently penned... "No man is an island, entire of itself...any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind; and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee."

I've tried in vain this morning to check up on fellow bloggers who live in Texas. Silly right? No power...and as if they'd be sitting in front of their computers anyway.

Let's collectively offer a prayer for those who have been touched by this disaster. May God draw near to them and keep them safe. My He instill in them hope...and faith that He will be with them in the days to come. And may He let each of us know what we can do to help.

(I'd say a donation to the Red Cross would be a great way to begin.....please pass that last thought on!)

What We Learn While In The Trenches...

2008-09-11T14:36:00.006-05:00

I've been lying low because frankly...I've been feeling a little low. I got passed over (yet once again) for the younger job candidate. In spite of the fact I've taught as a long term sub on 4 different occasions in this particular district. In spite of the fact that I have raving reviews from key people in each school I taught in. In spite of the fact that the previous art department head phoned my interviewers minutes before my interview to plug me.

They still chose the young one - fresh out of college.

I'm feeling better now though and actually have recovered more quickly from this disappointment than in the past. Probably because I've been trusting God a lot more - that in spite of the roadblocks - He has a plan that I can't yet see. Still - being human - the old ego has taken a bit of a brushing.

As I see it - it's their loss (does that sound prideful?) I don't mean it to be! It's just that sometimes people overlook very good qualities in a person because they're too distracted with the packaging instead of the contents. Ring a bell?

I wonder how many overweight people are brushed aside in life because they're...well....overweight! It's not fair. And it's certainly not right. If only we could all learn to look past the bias of color... or status... or age... or weight - we'd meet and learn to love some pretty darn nice people.

That's my sermon for today.

Still unemployed. Still wondering how I'm going to pay the bills. Still trusting God has a plan.

Fried Pumpkin Blossoms and other good things about September!

2008-09-08T13:55:00.004-05:00

I just got in from a nice walk. Hard to tell that summer is waning except for the tell-tale goldenrod that has taken over the roadside. Whenever I take a walk on a sunny summer day I'm taken back to my childhood days. I lived outside all summer and came in only when necessary! Hardly ever wore shoes (still don't if flip-flops don't count...)

I live in a rural area so there are stretches that encompass only woods, fields or crops. It's been dry since that big stretch of rain we had a few weeks back. The earth is cracked and the fields are parched. It's the first time we've had to water the gardens in a long while. All that rain did a number on the vegetables. Too much of a good thing I guess.

We only got one pumpkin and it died before it got to the size of grapefruit. Still...there are plenty of blossoms that at this point will never turn to anything before the first frost so I picked a bunch the other day and made some fried pumpkin blossoms. Before you gasp - they are only 54 calories per blossom in spite of the name. And two blossoms are just the right amount!

They're so easy.....!

I gently tear the blossom in two to make two flat halves, then dip them in a beaten egg, coat with crushed saltine crackers that have been seasoned with salt and pepper and then saute in a oil with a little butter. I know...you're thinking...fried in oil and butter?? But these are delicacies that can only be indulged in this time of the year and as I said - the calorie count isn't all that high because you're only eating a small amount.

They were good fellow bloggers. Extremely good!

Gotta' go paint the trim in the kitchen - we're trying hard to get this place ready to sell soon. The goal is to have Thanksgiving in the new house. That will be a real feat!

Oh ~ the interview went well. At least from my perspective. We'll know how it went from theirs if they call and offer me the job.

Waist or Waste?

2008-09-06T08:19:00.005-05:00

I have been deliberating all week - what my next challenge will be - or better stated -what new change will I incorporate into my life?

I've done well so far - except the exercise part. I need major mojo there. Otherwise things are sailing smoothly. So yesterday (as I finally found some time to peruse some of my favorite blogs) I got my answer to next week's challenge. Thank you JC for your inspiration! I'll recap what she wrote that turned on the light bulb for me....

When we have the option to leave some food on our plate (that we're not really hungry full anymore) or eat it- we often choose the latter for fear we might be wasting it. She notes that we're wasting it either way. because if we're not hungry for it anymore - then it's not going to be used by our bodies anyway (!) it's just going to be stored as fat. (aka wasted). Good point.

She also notes that most of us have been brought up with the "clean your plate" mentality and we need to switch gears. From now on it must be don't clean your plate!

This makes all the sense in the world to me. I've watched skinny people eat. And they never clean their plates. Often I've looked wistfully at their castoffs and wanted to scream "You're not going to eat that!" They push the last remnants around almost as if what's left repulses them. And in truth...it probably does. They're full. They dont' need what's left - they don't want what's left! They aren't worried about wasting anything. Maybe they've realized too, that they're wasting it either way. Or maybe they are just so in tune with their bodies that they know when they're full and stop. Either way - I doubt they even think about it. It's second nature to them. Which is what my own personal challenges are all about. Incorporating habits into my life that stick and become a part of who I am. That become...second nature.

And so...for next week's challenge I am going to become a member of the "Don't clean your Plate Club." I realize at first this will be hard. But if I can get over that mentality about the starving kids in China (or where ever it was my parents always told me) then I can teach myself to toss out what I'm not truly hungry for and not feel guilty. I'd rather the trash man gets it than my hips.

I've also decided that since the exercise part is coming along slowly - I need to rewrite this challenge - lest in my all or nothing mode I give up. So for now that challenge has been revamped to incorporate movement whenever I can. This translates to:

park farther way

take the stairs

lift weights during commercials or run in place

You get the drift. The important thing here is to stick with changes I can live with. Eventually I'll get the routine exercise thing going again. Maybe when I have a job again I can join the YMCA or take some evening exercise classes at our local schools.

Speaking of which - not sure I mentioned that the interview I had last Wednesday flopped. The one Monday is different. Say a prayer for me on this one.

Ciao and happy weekend!

T.G.I.F.

2008-09-05T13:03:00.004-05:00

It's Friday already! And so far it's been a good day. I got called for an interview next Monday in the district I do most of my subbing in. It's part time job - teaching art to elementary kids. We're talking very part time. If I got it - I could do per-diem subbing on the days I'm not working - or get a part time job somewhere else. No health insurance coverage (which stinks as hubby is self employed and we pay out of our pocket now... $733/month for two people which will increase to $1685 in March when COBRA runs out.) I'm sorry folks...something's wrong with the health care system here in the U.S. That equates to over $20,000 per year just to have health coverage. What's left over to live on?

Don't get me going!

Okay - so I said this was a good day so far - and it is! I have the interview (better than nothin' right?) and my sister & her hubby got the cottage on our lake! The owners threw just about everything but the kitchen sink (oh wait - the kitchen sink is included too!) into the deal! We're talking ALL the furniture which was purchased brand spanking new 6 years ago...all the deck furniture (which is that top of the line stuff that looks like a living room out doors)...the motor boat, the canoe, a paddle boat, a stainless gas grill...and too much more stuff to mention!

My sister is SO lucky and I am so happy she'll be on our lake! (the pic is looking at her new digs from the road. Directly across the lake to the right of the boat....and behind the tree...is our place. We can shout across the lake to each other....ride over in the boat in 2 minutes or walk in about 15. Way cool!)

Here's a little background....our husband's were best friends before we met either of them. Sis & I lived in the apartment across the street from them back in the day. History played itself out and we ended up marrying them. We did everything together as couples and when we bought our place (back in 1999) our dream was that they would buy a place too.

But life has a way of interrupting our best laid plans. Sis & her husband ended up getting a divorce. Long messy story...it put a real strain on the relationship since our hubs were best buds. She moved on, met a nice guy and married him. Still, things were never the same.

Second part of the saga... shortly after we bought our cottage, hubby found out he had cancer. 2 1/2 years later - he was gone and I was left with a place on the lake - alone. Not the dream I'd intended.

Eventually I remarried and sis & I ever so slowly started putting our relationship back together again. Seriously - it wasn't until this past weekend that she came to the lake - that things finally felt like they used to. And totally unplanned - totally by a fluke (or perhaps the hand of God) she sees this cottage for sale (that didn't even have a for sale sign....hubby happened upon it on the Internet that day while looking for boats) and the next thing you know - she drags her husband down and they call the realtor and bingo - it's theirs!

So now the dream can continue!

Another reason this is good day (besides being Friday and all) is because the weather is great - warm - sunny - breezy - summery! And nothing puts me in a better mood than a day like that!

On the challenge front - things are good. I'm not doing that well on the exercise part - but I'm sticking to the rest pretty well and holding steady at the 7 pound loss. Haven't graced the drive though (or doors) of a FF place and don't even miss it! Drinking the water and missing that when I don't. Lots of veggies with the garden finally ready to harvest! Small plate....some of the time - but getting used to smaller portions. I haven't even really been too conscious of what I eat...aside from just eating less and getting more fruits & veggies. Yet still...I'm losing. Slowly. But I'm losing.

My challenges in the weeks to come will focus more on the foods.

Hope y'all have great plans for this wonderful weekend!

Who Will Get The Prize?

2008-09-03T17:08:00.003-05:00

Allrighty! I did this fair and square. Assigned a number to each person who commented and then tossed the numbers n a hat. (well...actually it was a bowl.) Then I had my daughter pick one.

And the winner is...drum roll please.....Patti from attitude is everything!

So Patti, if you'll e-mail your address to me at this address: lorellen@rochester.rr.com, your stopwatch will be on the way! I'll also include the Couch 2 5k program basics.

Thanks guys, not only for commenting to let me know you're there (we all like that, right?) but also for the kind words , encouragement and prayers you sent my way this week.

Back Home Finally!

2008-09-03T07:53:00.003-05:00

As usual, we decided to spend an extra day at the lake. I returned home late last night. I'll be going over the comments from last week - put the names in a hat and pick the winner of the stop watch later today!

Our weekend was fabulous! My sister came a day early with her son and it was the perfect way for him to be with family and spend some quiet time before leaving for Teen Challenge on Monday. I have great confidence that this will be exactly what he needs.

My niece & her hubby were traveling back from a trip to Nova Scotia and also decided to drop by and spend a few nights. We had a full house all weekend (13 of us in a tiny cottage) but it was wonderful and I was sorry to see it end!

While there - my sis happened to spot a cottage that was for sale across the lake (our lake is small - so across the lake means we could shout to one another from our docks). She brought her hubby back - and they put a purchase offer in on it last night! I am so excited that she could actually have a cottage on our lake! That was the dream late hubby & I had years ago when we bought the place.

I must confess that I was not too good at following my challenge while away. I did do the exercise part (knew I would there!) but not so good at the water part. I forgot my case of bottled water and don't care for the taste of the well water there. I drank a lot of crystal light...not sure if that counts.... I didn't use a smaller plate - but I think I did okay on my portion sizes. Not much fruit though. But lots of veggies. Sounds not so bad, right? But there were tons of baked goods and I helped myself more frequently than I should have. Yet still, surprisingly I didn't gain anything. I'm down 7 pounds since I started so I guess I'm actually doing something right.

I didn't start a new challenge for this week because I was at the lake and frankly didn't give it much thought. I think I'll spend the rest of this week getting back on track with he water and fruit and begin a new challenge next Sunday.

One tidbit of encouragement that made my weekend (!) Two people asked if I was losing weight. Both said my butt looked smaller. Yeah! My shorts are feeling looser than they have all summer. 7 pounds isn't a whole lot - but hearing those comments has made me feel more committed than ever now!

Hope you all had a great weekend - stop back to find out who the winner is later too!

Success!

2008-08-28T07:44:00.004-05:00

Thank you for the virtual hugs and very real prayers that went out regarding my nephew. The intervention was a total success! When we all arrived my nephew was adamant about not going to Teen Challenge. He was insistent that he could beat this on his own (c'mon...beat heroin on your own??) We sat down outside on my sister's patio and awkwardly wondered what we should do or how we should begin. The pizza she had ordered arrived and we all grabbed a piece nervously not knowing what to do.

Finally my sister spoke up and told her son that all of of us there loved him, and had some thoughts we wanted to share. One by one we read the letters we'd prepared. It was highly, yet very inwardly emotional. Tears slipped silently down cheeks, sometimes the reader would have to pause to regain composure. My nephew sat stonefaced as we each shared our thoughts. Every letter was excellent and each built upon the next in a way that only could've been orchestrated by God.

When we finished my nephew cleared his throat and then spoke. He told us that we were all right. He did need help outside from himself and that yes, he would go to Teen Challenge because in the deepest part of his heart - he knows it is the only way.

It was a good evening. To see my family all gathered around - willing to drop whatever it was they had planned that evening - to come together for one of our own was incredible. The love and compassion in the air could not be ignored as it enveloped us last night in a circle of unity.

My sister, her husband and my nephew are going to join us at the lake this weekend. It will be bittersweet as we spend time with her son because after Monday we will not see him for some time. He is frightened. My sister is nervous. But I know that this is the best thing. We all know that God has big plans for my nephew. I am confident of this.

Again...thank you for your prayers.

This afternoon I'm heading for the lake with grandbaby. My daughter and her hubby are traveling in from Massachusetts tonight and I want to be there to welcome them. The other two daughters & their significant others will meet us there Friday. Hubby will arrive Saturday. I'm looking forward to a wonderful, final weekend of summer and family.

The exercise will come easy there. I never tire of walking around the lake. I'll have to work on the portion control but I think I can do it.

I'll be checking the comments from all week including today when I return on Monday. Good luck to all and have a great Labor Day Weekend!

Random thoughts on the Big Hole.

2008-08-27T13:50:00.004-05:00

Job interview over.

Perfunctory thank you note is mailed.

Now the waiting game.

Tum de dum dum (can you hear my fingers drumming?) At least they aren't rifling through the cupboard looking for something to eat.

Tonight is the intervention. I've written my letter and said a whole lot of prayers. The rest is up to my nephew. And God, I'm hoping he chooses to go for help. It hurts to see my sister go through this. Thank you for the kind thoughts....it seems no one is immune to the ravages of drug addiction these days. Everyone is trying to fill up that big void in their lives with something. If not drugs...then alcohol, pornography, shopping, food. Gasp! Did I say food?

Face it. When we feel empty inside - the most logical thing to do is to try to fill ourselves up. With anything! I've been tying to re-wire those synapses in my brain to crave new things and abolish old habits. In the process I've dusted off my bible and invited God to fill up some of that emptiness. You know what? It's making a difference. In more areas than just the food. (confession here - Lora struggles in several areas.) But things are changing. And it's a good feeling. The less in control I am - the more control I have over trouble spots in my life. Does that makes sense to any of you or am I just rambling today?

Now if we can convince that dear nephew of mine to look elsewhere to fill the void (as in up) it will have been a good day.

I'm off for a walk right now. Summer's flying by and I want to eek every glorious moment left that I can! I'll check in tomorrow before I head for the lake. (Don't forget to leave those comments so your name gets in the hat!) And even though winter is coming - Cto5k works great on a treadmill too!

A Good Day!

2008-08-26T14:21:00.004-05:00

Today has been a productive day! I was able to glean a good bunch of peaches from an old peach tree that is growing wild in the hedge row. They're small, but sweet. It was nice to be out in the morning sun and as I ambled through the edge of the woods I spied a clearing where the kids used to have a "camp site" when they were little. The big old round sand stones are still pretty much in a circle where they left them so many years ago. I never let them make a real fire (!) but kids are pretty good at pretending. I paused for a few minutes to bask in the sunshine that was peeking through the trees and remember wistfully...how fast they grow up.

The thistles are starting to pop up and I made a mental note to go out and grab some this fall. I don't know what for....every year I think I'm going to do something with them...but I never do. Maybe paint them gold and make a miniature Christmas tree or something. Perhaps Martha Stewart will have some ideas. (Another mental note ~ pick up a Martha Stewart magazine.)

I also came across a lone apple tree left over from the remnant of an orchard that used to belong to the old farm next door. They actually look pretty big right now, smooth and no worm holes (yet) so I made another mental note to pick some when they ripen a little more.

Hubby brought some big zucchinis home from the garden at the other house last night so I spent the better part of the afternoon making zucchini bread. I'll bring a loaf to the lake this weekend and freeze the rest to savor on a winter afternoon with a cup of coffee if someone should come to call.

I'm getting ready to head out for a walk after I finish this post. (Part of that daily exercise I've incorporated into this week's challenge.) Speaking of which - is going quite well! The water has become almost habit and I actually crave it now. I don't think about fast food anymore. With the garden coming into production phase - there's no lacking of fresh veggies. And the fruit is so tasty this time of year that I'm craving that too. The exercise is going to be the hardest thing for me. Because if I miss a day I tend to want to throw in the towel as a day becomes two...then three... I need to work on that all or nothing mentality. I've lost the 7 pounds that I regained over the past few months and my shorts are fitting better than they have all summer.

On the family front....a few more details since this is pretty much an anonymous blog anyway.... my sister just found out that her son is using heroin. He's 20 and has had some rough times these past few years. He did a stint in rehab for pot and alcohol but relapsed. This time the family is staging an intervention tomorrow evening. She has things all lined up for him to go to a place called "Teen Challenge" which will (Lord willing) help him get on the right track and pull his life together.

Please keep us all in prayer. That we say the right things and that he receives what we're saying with love and understanding.

I have a job interview tomorrow for another *sigh* long term sub position. I need the money...but would much rather have something permanent that I can count on in the winter months when hubby's business slows down to almost a halt. And who knows if I'll even get this job?? (more prayers please?)

Okay - I need to get my loaves out of the oven and my exercise underway! A good day to all and thanks for the warm thoughts.

Ooh! And don't forget about the give away!

2008-08-25T12:49:00.002-05:00

Okay blog buddies ~ here's the deal with my give-away!

I will be monitoring comments this week. At Midnight next Monday (EST in the US) I will record all the names of those who commented and put them in a hat. I'll draw one name and that lucky person will get a stop watch as well as a printout on the Couch to 5 K program.

If you aren't interested in revving yourself up to run 5 kilometers (3.11 miles) the stop watch also comes in real handy to time yourself doing little 60 second sprints sporadically during your walking regime.

I'll be away starting Thursday until next Monday - so feel free to comment on any posts between today and Thursday. We're heading off to the lake and as you know....no computer down there....

I know this is a short post today.....we are having pretty serious crisis in my sister's family and I have much on my plate right now trying to help. Please keep us all in prayer - especially my sister and nephew who will be coming to the lake with us.

Summer Blog Party!

2008-08-24T08:36:00.003-05:00

It's my turn to get in the fun with our Summer Blog Party!

I will be giving away a stop watch (same as the one I use) that comes in real handy when following the Couch to 5k program.

I have been away all weekend but will post more details tonight or tomorrow! (I'm off to church right now and then over to the other house to clean up after our family reunion.)

Be sure to check in tomorrow and I'll let you know how you can win!

Rambling Thoughts.....

2008-08-20T12:18:00.003-05:00

The fruits & veggies are going down (as in...I'm eating them!) I'm actually enjoying the fresh fruit which seems to be satisfying my sweet tooth. The water is second nature now. Of course I know that I'll always have to keep at it because it's the easiest habit to let go by the wayside. The smaller plate....sometimes I still forget to actually use it - but I have been consciously putting less on the plate and keeping it filled with veggies is helping too. As for the fast food - not been a problem. I think it was almost more out of boredom than anything else that kept me going there.

Next week's challenge for myself picks up where I left off a month ago. My exercise. For those of you who know me - I started the Couch 2 5K program and got myself to running 21 minutes without stopping. Not bad for a grandma. But the heat set in and I got lazy. No other excuse. Just plain lazy. So starting next week I'm hitting the road again. I'll have more details on that later.

Next week I'm also jumping in the Summer Blog Party with my own give away! More details on that to follow too!

Speaking of summer....has anyone in this hemisphere noticed the subtle changes that August brings? I mean - it's still officially summer here for two more months - but already I've noticed that it's getting darker sooner and the night air has that familiar nip that means fall is on its heels. I always hate to see summer end. I was born in the wrong climate. I was meant to live near an ocean....with palm trees. Alas, I live in upstate New York near Lake Ontario which translates to the dreaded lake effect snow. It seems like just yesterday I was sitting on the dock at the lake in anticipation of the whole summer looming ahead. And now....Labor Day weekend is almost here and summer is about to wind down.

Okay...and why am I lamenting about all this now? Not sure. It's just something I always seem to do this time of year. Sorry (!)

Back from the Lake :-(

2008-08-18T15:25:00.004-05:00

A new week (albeit a bit late - as I've just arrived home from the lake).

The bad news... I was a little lax in keeping with my challenges. I didn't use the smaller plate (mainly because with 6 of us there and mealtimes being somewhat hectic I just plain forgot.) Did I drink all the required water? Not sure. I didn't have my Brita Bottle with me to keep track. But I did try to down a glass everytime I passed the sink - and I downed a fair share of bottled water as well. I know I drank way more than I normally would have.

The fruit & veggie thing - actually that worked out well because we went into town on Saturday and bought some zucchini, mushrooms, broccoli, tomatoes & cucumbers to grill for dinner that evening. And I wasn't even remembering my the new challenge I'd given myself! And then Sunday one of our lake neighbors came by with some fresh melon and peaches for us!

The good news? I'm down another pound. And without really trying it seems!

Today I ate some mellon with my lunch. Tonight I'n bringing some corn on the cob, fresh sugar snap peas (to eat raw) and the rest of the grilled veggies we didn't finish at the lake to go with whatever meat hubby decides to grill over to the new house. We're going to have a campfire and eek out what's left of the nice summer nights now that the rain has subsided for a few days.

I'll admit it's getting tricky to juggle all these new challenges - but honestly - the water has become almost habit and I actually crave it now (they say that your sense of thirst is heightened as your body gets used to more water) and I'm finding this to be true. And the fast food thing - don't miss it. I truly don't!

Seeing my weight drop - almost effortlessly - as I incorporate these few changes into my lifestyle is very encouraging!

I know some of you have jumped on the bandwagon and are doing this along with me. This is great! Please keep commenting with your own progress reports....your challenges my differ from mine (we all have our weak spots) but the end result is the same. We're conquering our bad habits, incorporating new ones and changing the way we live. Bit by bit. Day by day. Pound by pound. How cool is that?!

Off to the Lake!

2008-08-15T15:43:00.004-05:00

With this week winding down and Lora here claiming victory over her self made challenges - I'm heading off to the lake!

The water issue will be easy there. And yes, we have small plates at the cottage. Fast food? None down there. Hubby's going with me so we'll be taking the expressway all the way and no fast food places on that route anyway!

And now - a confession of sorts - though I don't really consider this a relapse....I stopped at McDonald's today. But I didn't order anything bad! I had to go to the rental property we have to do some last minute tidying before the tenants (aka college kids) arrive tomorrow and realized that I was missing lunch and my tummy was rumbling. So I got a Southwest grilled Chicken Salad. It's been a while since I had one and I felt strong enough to resist the urge to order a Big Mac & Fries. And you know what? When I got to the drive up widow I didn't even want anything else - except the salad.

When I arrive home Sunday (or Monday if we decide to stay an extra day) I'll have started my challenge for week four. Which is.....drum roll please....

Make sure I eat at least 4-5 servings of fruit and/or vegetables every day.

That's a biggie for me because I happen to be a carbohydrate loving gal - and if truth be told - I don't eat a whole lot of fruit. I'm hoping this will move me towards a healthier - cleaner way of eating. I can certainly use the fiber and the extra nutrition found in fruits and veggies.

Have I mentioned that I'm feeling much less bloated these days? I think it's ll the extra water I've been drinking - which is slowly become second nature to me. Which has been my whole intent here..... little changes - over time - that become a way of life.

Y'all have a great weekend!

Hanging in there!

2008-08-13T10:28:00.004-05:00

I know I've used this pic before - but it bears repeating.

The small plate has been used for every meal and it truly makes a difference. I've gotten some great suggestions from some of you with methods to use when the small plate is not available (ie. when I'm somewhere besides home.)

~ create an imaginary border around the plate and only eat what's inside it

~ don't let any of my food touch

~ move my food to a salad or bread plate and box the rest to take home

Good thinking guys! Thanks! It's amazing how the power of suggestion can actually control what we eat and how full we think we are. I've been satisfied with what's on my little plate and done quite well. And of course all that water has been helping too. I've found that downing a glass before I eat helps make the tummy feel fuller too.

The water has still been my biggest struggle. Only because I'm forgetful. But I'm getting better!

The fast food hasn't been an issue at all. I don't even notice the Golden Arches now when I'm driving by. Grand baby never misses them though. He'll ask...."Gramma do we have any money?" And I'll say "No. Sorry babe." To which he responds "Okay. No McDonalds today....maybe tomorrow." Gotta love three year olds!

I hope that any of you who are following along with this are finding as much success as I am. For me - I'm finding that by looking at these small changes as permanent changes my whole mindset has somehow altered itself. I'm not denying myself - I'm choosing to do things differently.

And that has made the difference.

Challenge #3.....

2008-08-10T06:53:00.004-05:00

Well, I've managed to get through the second week my personal challenges and I must say - I thought drinking the required amount of water would be the easiest of all challenges. After all - that one required putting something in my mouth - not the other way around. But it's going to be a struggle until it becomes second nature. I did manage to do pretty well most days. And I've avoided all ff joints for 2 weeks now. That actually was easier to do than I thought. And I don't even miss it.

Which brings me to week three. My personal challenge for this week is to use a smaller plate at every meal. I was doing that for a while and it worked pretty well. The problem was...my smaller plate was too small (I don't have an in-between size in my set of dishes so I was using a saucer!) Now that was small! I had to crowd my food onto it just to get anything at all which was difficult to say the least. So I got myself a medium size plate (it measures 8 1/2 inches across) vs the normal 10 1/2 inches across... Which might not seem like a big difference - but you math geniuses out there would beg to differ, right?

Sparing you the details, the area of my smaller plate is approximately 60 square inches. The larger plate has an area of 86 square inches. That's 26 less square inches of space to put food. And if I can incorporate this one little change into my life permanently - I know it will make a difference over time. And I'm banking on the fact that once I've done this enough times - I'll automatically know what amount of food I should be eating so that when I'm at a place where only larger plates are available - I'll still be able to keep my food intake at the smaller level.

I know all of this seems too easy. Like little bitty baby steps - but it's really working for me so far. Just having to concentrate on one new thing each week is keeping me from feeling overwhelmed.

I'm sure it'll get a bit more complicated as each new week brings a new challenge - but I also realize that with each new week - it's one more week that I'll have been doing the previous challenges which have to get easier with time, right? RIGHT!

So here I am on the cusp of week three.

No fast food

64 oz. of water ever day

eat all meals on my smaller plate

Yep. I can do this.

TGIF!

2008-08-08T09:36:00.004-05:00

How am I doing on this week's challenge - drinking all that water? Actually - pretty good! I have been filling my 32 oz. Brita Bottle twice daily and sipping though out the day. I was going to try to set my computer to remind me (as suggested by Cammy) but alas - being the technologically challenged ace that I am - couldn't figure out how.

I have found that drinking a tall glass with my meals helps. But I still need to make sure I get in my milk (which I usually did with dinner ) now I'm saving it for bedtime. Got to have that calcium at my age...

I still have not succumbed to the fast food beast either. Taking this step by step is working for me so far. The few pounds that had crept back on this summer have left again. Good riddance!

It's raining cats & dogs outside right now (and yes...the tent is still set up) but at least it's standing! My sisters & I are going to try to squeeze in a camping trip in early September (in a camper). That'll be a challenge. When the four of us get together (sister in law included in that count) we tend to eat as much as we talk. Hopefully by then I'll have enough good habits going that it won't be as difficult as I'm imagining. I've got a month to instill some more good habits.

I've not much else to say today...would rather see what the rest of you are up to.

TGIF and have a great weekend :-)

2008-08-06T07:30:00.003-05:00

Has anyone else been plagued with all the rain this summer? It seems to have rained more than I can ever remember! It clears up fast and gets hot (humid!) again quickly - but still! Enough already!

Our last night in the mountains it began raining as soon as we got in our tent and continued until about 11:00 AM (which meant I had to take the tent down in the rain and set it back up again when I got home so it could dry out.) Setting it up the second time went much smoother without the aid of a 3 year old...

Well -I decided to leave it up all day Monday to give it a good airing. And then yesterday I thought.... "better take that tent down Lora...it could rain..." And no sooner had the thought crossed my mind and the thunder rumbled and it poured. I mean POURED!

So this morning I look out the window and the sun is shining (yay) but the tent had collapsed in the night! (I guess maybe I should've let grandbaby help me set it up the second time too!)

So now I must set the darn thing up yet a third time and let it air out. Gheesh!

On a more positive note - I got all my water in yesterday!

Water Anyone?

2008-08-05T07:45:00.004-05:00

You know....I almost felt like I was taking the easy road by making my week 2 challenge be to drink 64 oz. of water a day. Giving up fast food seemed like a feat. Just drinking water isn't all that hard.

Or is it?

It's day three of this challenge and I still haven't managed to do it! When I was working the bottle sat on my desk as a constant reminder. But being home I just get side tracked. So I guess I'm not feeling like such a slacker anymore by deciding to incorporate this new habit into my lifestyle. Because it's something I'm truly going to have to work on until it becomes ingrained. It's not as easy s I thought it would be.

Here are few more reasons to make this a habit in your lifestyle as well. Drinking a good amount of water could lower your risks of a heart attack. A six-year study published in the May 1, 2002 American Journal of Epidemiology found that those who drink more than 5 glasses of water a day were 41% less likely to die from a heart attack during the study period than those who drank less than two glasses.

Drinking a healthy amount of water has also been found to reduce the risk of colon cancer by 45%. And it can also reduce the risk of bladder cancer by 50% and potentially reduce the risk of breast cancer.

And get this - for those of us women who feel a little "fuzzy in the head" (you know...we get scatterbrained and forget things at times?) well....not getting enough water could be the culprit.

So I'm trying to figure out a way to make sure I get my 8 glasses. Mizfit wears 8 bangle bracelets on one wrist and moves them one by one to the other wrist for each glass of water she drinks. I've heard others set their watch to beep 8 times though out the day as a reminder.

I'm going to have to come up with a strategy that work for me. Any suggestions?

Back Home....

2008-08-04T06:50:00.004-05:00

I'm back and I survived the camping trip. No bear encounters (though a few were sighted by neighboring campers and I heard one walking through the site while huddled in the "safety" of my tent). I also managed to make it straight through with no stopping for fast food! I brought a tuna sandwich and grandbaby & I ate our lunch when we arrived at the campground.

The only thing that was a challenge was trying to set up a 21 year old canvas tent with poles with a 3 year year old "helping". He & I were the first to arrive (his mommy had to work and wouldn't be arriving till after midnight so he rode shotgun with me.)

Late hubby & I bought the aforementioned tent when we were newlyweds. (Dome tents hadn't been "invented" yet....) Over the years we progressed to a pop-up camper, a motor home and then a cottage. So this past weekend's trip was reverting full-circle. I hadn't set that tent up in years and it was hard to remember which pole went where and what to do first. And of course my helpful little grandson was re-arranging everything as fast as I could lay things out and when I said "hold this for gramma and don't let go!" - of course he let go. The people camping in the site across the street sat in their lawn chairs and watched me flounder for over an hour. I'm glad they were amused.

After it was finally set up, my daughter & her hubby from Massachusetts rolled in. She has been a camper since birth and was delighted to be finally camping again. Her hubby on the other hand had never camped a day in his life and looked at the tent with hesitation. My other daughter and her hubby arrived later and set up their tent next to ours and we all managed to survive the weekend. In spite of the hard ground. In spite of the rain. I spite of the fact no one remembered matches to light the stove the next morning for our coffee. (I did not resort to borrowing any from the lawn chair people who had watched the show the previous day. I walked a few sites down where no one knew how inept I was at setting up tents!)

My sister-in-law's place was a few miles down the road and we spent most of the time there with all of the family that had come in for the reunion. We had representatives from Oregon, California, Colorado, Illinois, Ohio, New Hampshire, Virginia and various part of new York State. All from one set of siblings and their offspring. It was fun and the weekend flew by too fast as always. And of course...this being late hubby's family - there were memories and tears as stories were told, photos were passed around and old cassette tapes played of he and his brothers singing...

Moving on ~ week 2 has begun in my 12 week challenge and this week as I continue to boycott fast food - I am drinking 64 oz. of water daily. And as I promised....some interesting water facts!

There are many forms of metabolism going on in your body right now, but the one everyone is talking about it the metabolism of fat. This is actually something that the liver does when it converts stored fat to energy. The liver has other functions, but this is one of its main jobs.
Unfortunately, another of the liver's duties is to pick up the slack for the kidneys, which need plenty of water to work properly. If the kidneys are water-deprived, the liver has to do their work along with its own, lowering its total productivity. It then can't metabolize fat as quickly or efficiently as it could when the kidneys were pulling their own weight. If you allow this to happen, not only are you being unfair to your liver, but you're also setting yourself up to store fat!

When you give your body all the water it needs, it will get rid of what it doesn't need. It gets rid of the water it was holding onto in your ankles and your hips and thighs, maybe even around your belly. You are excreting much more than you realize. Your body figures it doesn't need to save these stores anymore; it's trusting that the water will keep coming, and if it does, eventually, the flushing (of both the body and the potty) will cease, allowing the human to return to a normal life. It's true. This is called the "breakthrough point." (Why Drinking Water Really

is the Key to Weight Loss by Maia Appleby)

I have a Brita Water bottle that I used to fill up twice daily when I was working and sip through out the day. But I've gotten lax and neglected it sorely these past few months. So this week's challenge for myself is to make sure I fill that thing up 2 times every day and drink it though out the 24 hour period. That'll equal 64 ounces and is what's required to keep the body running efficiently. (I've actually read that you should drink an extra 8 ounces for each 25 pounds you're overweight..... but for now I'm sticking to my 64 ounces.)

So now I have two things I'm working on. The fast food ban and the water. Ten more to go till a healthier me!

Hope you all had a great weekend and meet your own challenges this week!

Sailing through Week One....

2008-07-30T11:28:00.005-05:00

I'm doing very well with my moratorium on fast food. Seeing that I am in the car daily and have to pass several ff joints every time I drive somewhere - I'm quite proud. Especially since it hasn't been much of an issue. When there is only one thing you're focusing on, it's not all that difficult.

I'm hoping as I slowly add new habits each week (or abandon old ones) that it stays this manageable. I honestly don't know why I never tried this strategy before. Maybe because I'm such a "gotta have the results now" kind of person and this seemed too slow. But looking back over my efforts the past 17 months - I certainly haven't been breaking any records for speed in the weight loss arena! So if what I was doing wasn't working (and clearly it wasn't) then what I'm doing now makes sense.

I've talked about healthy lifestyle changes so much that I've sounded like a broken record. It's always been "I need to do this" or "I should do that". But the needs and shoulds have been coupled with so many other needs and shoulds that it's been overwhelming. Because if I mess up on one - I inevitably throw in the towel on all the others. So this one thing at a time - one week at a time thing makes perfect sense. At least for me.

I'm not even worried about the drive to the mountains this weekend. I'm going to pack myself a sandwich and some fruit and when I feel like I need a pit stop - I'll scope out a place with picnic tables or a grassy lawn to throw a blanket on and eat there. It'll be just me and my 3 1/2 year old grandson in the car. The rest of the crew can't get there till much later that evening and I'm anxious to set up camp while it's still daylight (you know...the whole bear thing and all...)

I think if the kids were riding with me it might be harder to resist the ease of a fast food pit stop. So this will work out just fine.

Sunday I start Week Two. Which will focus on water. I've done quite well with the whole water intake thing for the most part, but the past month I've gotten lax. I'm going to make sure that my Brita Water bottle gets filled up and emptied twice everyday. I've been reading some interesting facts on water consumption lately (most I knew but some were surprising) that I'll share next week.

Hope you're all enjoying the "hump" day!

Road Trips, Bears and No Fast Food!

2008-07-28T07:12:00.003-05:00

I'm home from the lake *sigh* and itching already to get back there. Summers are just not long enough here.

I managed to tackle my challenge and NOT stop for fast food at any time during the weekend. Which was a feat since I spent 6 hours in the car through out the weekend.

I'm feeling good about this new method I'm incorporating. It seems manageable. I'm going to make Sundays my day for adding each new step to this plan (since I started on a Thursday...and that's a weird day to begin anything.)

So that means the rest of this week my main focus is still steering clear of the Golden Arches or anything remotely similar. And again...I reiterate.....that doesn't mean after this week I can return. It just means that this week - that's the demon I'm tackling.

I pretty much have my 12 steps planned out. Looking at them all together (as a list) looks very similar to most of my past diet plans. Except before - I'd try to tackle everything all at once. Which always set me up for failure. Doing one thing at a time seems much more plausible. On the way to the lake I just kept telling myself this is the only thing you have to worry about, Lora. And it was easier. Go figure.

I have another road trip planned this weekend. Late hubby's family has a reunion every August in the Adirondack Mountains. Family comes from all over the country to attend. Hubby was one of 7 kids so between all his siblings and theirs kids and grand kids....we get quite a crowd. Present hubby never attends. He feels this is our time (the kids & I) to be able to reminisce and catch up with loved ones without worrying about him feeling left out.

Usually we stay at a nearby motel but this year we've decided to rough it and camp at a campground 2 miles away. Me, my girls and their hubbies and grand baby. In a tent! I've always been a camper and we started out in a tent many years ago. But that progressed to a pop-up and then a motor home. The motor home was sold after hubby died so now....it's back to square one. The tent. Which wouldn't be so bad except Inlet, NY is bear country. I mean real bear country! The last time my cousins stayed at this same campground, a bear broke into their car to get to their cooler. There are steel drums with locks at each campsite now for coolers and food items. And warnings posted everywhere about not leaving anything remotely resembling food out anywhere on your site - not wearing the clothes you cooked in to bed - absolutely NO FOOD in your tent.... So I'm a little nervous. Okay. I'm a lot nervous!

More nervous about that than fighting the urge to stop midway though the 4 hour drive their to eat at a ff joint. Besides - the last thing I want to do is crawl into my tent that night smelling like a Big Mac!

Lake Bound....

2008-07-25T12:38:00.003-05:00

I'm leaving for the lake in about 10 minutes. My nephew is getting married at a place on one of the Finger Lakes and the cottage is closer to the wedding than it is to home.

I WILL NOT stop for fast food on the way!! Even though food is my drug of choice when things get tense....which they are right now.

My husband is not going to the wedding with me. He backed out at the last minute (which was this morning) and is his normal M.O.

More later.

One Week at a Time.....

2008-07-24T11:11:00.004-05:00

I've been thinking a lot about what Diana, aka Scale Junkie wrote the other day regarding her move from the land of Denial and her proposed 12 week journey into Reality. I looked at the sidebar on my blog and saw the "I lost 5 pounds" badge. It's been there for an awful long time. And I've realized that it's time for me to pull up roots and make that journey too.

No...I'm not abandoning my blog. I've "met" way too many awesome people that I consider "friends" in cyber sort of way. What started out as weight loss blog has morphed into somewhat of a online"Coffee Klatch" where we check up on one another, offer support, motivation, a few laughs and virtual prayers.

What I mean is that I need to change my game plan here and start doing something productive in this war with my scale. Because frankly - the scale is winning. I am the ultimate Queen of Procrastination. Every good intention is slated for tomorrow. And those that actually do come to fruition get lost along the way when my motivation wanes or life as they say - gets in the way.

So I've been thinking. A lot.

And a 12 weeks program sounds like something plausible. But not in the way of a 12 week challenge - or a 12 week diet plan - or a 12 week deadline. More in the way of an extended 12 step program - with a totally new twist. Lest I sound like I'm starting up yet another of my pie in the sky schemes that I'm convinced will be the ticket to my war on weight - I'm not. Because this time I'm not even focusing on the weight. I'm redirecting my energy in a different way. When I focus on the numbers on the scale - and they don' t budge - I lose my mojo and eventually give up. What I'm doing this time is establishing new habits and getting rid of bad ones. One week at a time. The only measure of success will be whether I do it or not. One week at a time. You can't get more tangible than that.

I've developed a list of things in my life that I believe are sabotaging my weight loss efforts. And I'm going to tackle each item - one at a time so that it's more manageable. I'm not going to worry about anything else. Because frankly - I'm the kind of gal that always likes to bite of way more than I can chew. I'm an all or nothing type and I've realized that I'll never do it all - and nothing isn't working. So one thing - one week at a time.

I'm not going to give you my list right now. I'm still fine-tuning it and will probably make revisions as I go. I can tell you this - that my goal for the first week - which starts today is this: NO MORE FAST FOOD! That's been a real downfall for me because there's something about eating in the comfort of my car with a good magazine and no distractions that has a real pull on me. I'm a fast food junkie. No two ways about it. I fell in love with MacDonald's back in the day when you could only eat in your car and the burgers were 15 cents. yeah...I'm that old.

So for the next 7 days - no fast food. That doesn't mean after this week I'll resume my old habit. It just means that THIS week - that's the thing in my life that I'm changing. Maybe eventually when I've tamed the beast I'll allow myself fast food once a month. Or maybe not. Next week I'll tackle another demon. And the following week - another. Then eventually I'll be adding some good habits into the mix.

Will this work? Who knows. I've tried and failed so many times it's not even funny. But I DO know that if I don't get the things under control that are sabotaging my efforts - I'll never win this battle. I'm getting rid of the dead wood so to speak. If anyone wants to join me - feel free. Your demons may be totally different then mine. But face it - those of us that are not doing so well - just running in place it seems - have got to get things under control. One thing at a time. One week at a time.

I won!

2008-07-23T13:39:00.004-05:00

So there I was having a particularly crappy day today. Ever since I got the darn IUD out I've been having mood swings and sore boobs. (I know...TMI) but it's as if now that I have that homone producing device out of my body - I'm catching up for the few years of no TOM. Like my body is saying...I owe you....

I cry at the drop of a hat and feel like I'm in perpetual PMS mode. The only good thing is the hot flashes have stopped. Go figure.

So I was sitting here feeling like a pile of mush and decided to check my e-mail. And guess what? I won the Kettle Bell prize on MizFit's site! It's the coolest little thing (she has a video of herself with one and explains how to use it - be sure to check it out.)

Since I've been pretty good about the weight training so far I'm thinking this will be a great way to mix things up a bit and try something new. I'll be sure to keep you posted on how I like it as soon as it arrives.

Thanks Mizfit!! An otherwise crummy day has just been averted. Now I won't have to go bury my face in a bag of oreos. Just kidding! We have nothing sweet in the house whatsoever right now. It's driving my hubby crazy!

Five Things.....

2008-07-21T08:21:00.003-05:00

I seems that when summer rolls (this is my second summer blogging) that posts seems to be farther & fewer between among us all. Which is understandable because summer is a busy time. Then again I think of my blogger friends across the world - where it's winter....or where it's perpetually summer...and scratch my head. But still - it happens. Or maybe we just all suffer writing block at the same time.... No matter. We're all still here!

So this is one of those days where I'm checking in...lazily. Patti tagged anyone on her blog with a 5 things list. So I'm playing along!

5 things in your bag:

cell phone

wallet

pictures of my kids & grandson

one lipstick

a pen I can never find

5 things in your bedroom:

2 small pillows made by my daughter when she was 12 for my mom when she was ill

a stuffed cow I gave hubby when we first started dating

a ceramic praying hands music box my mom gave me

a ceramic egg that says "Mother 1971" that used to my grandmothers

a tiny ceramic box that contains mine & my late hubbies wedding bands

5 things you have always wanted:

to be thin

a beach house on the ocean

a long happy marriage

to live to see all my grand kids grow up

my hubby to share my faith

5 things you're really into:

crosswords

reading

anything art

camping/hiking

things that are old (that reflect a history)

5 people I’m tagging:

anyone who wants to play!

Roll Out THose Lazy, Hazy, Crazy Days of Summer....

2008-07-19T12:12:00.006-05:00

Last night we had grandbaby over to the new house to see the fireflies. They have been out the past few weeks and last night they were spectacular! After a quick meal we made a campfire and waited for dark. Once the moon was up in the sky where it's supposed to be we climbed onto the golf cart and rode through the trails in the woods. There were so many fireflies that some actually were flying right in front of our faces like sparks zipping through the air! Grandbaby squealed with delight and kept saying "More Papa! Let's go see some more!"

The sounds of the peepers have given way to the call of the locusts (earlier than normal hubby says.) Probably the heat. The mosquitoes have been obnoxious but it's a small price to pay for the glories of summer. It was a good night.

As we ride through the 4 acres we have I can't help but envision the grandchildren someday - having the best time on this property! With the trails through the woods, the water slide hubby built (yep...a water slide - see the pic) the gardens and secret hiding spots - I just know that they will build memories that will last a lifetime! I truly believe that memories are the glue that hold our otherwise mundane lives together. I hear the locusts and I'm back in the field behind my childhood home on a blazing hot summer day chasing butterflies. I smell a woodsy campfire and I'm once again at my favorite campground as a kid.... I walk barefoot on the wet grass and I'm still 10 years old. A few weeks ago I got my brother on law to take his shoes off and walk to the far back edge of the property with me. It was well after midnight and raining slightly. He thought I was nuts...this executive type guy that pushes papers all day at his desk. He's still talking about it! Each step through the tall wet grass lit only by the starlight took him back to his childhood and closer to the earth.

Tonight we're having a few friends over for a campfire. I swear - I've sat before more campfires this summer than I think I have combined in the past 20 years. There must be some primitive longing in each of us that draws us to communing over a fire or walking along a shoreline. At least for me anyway. I've always been an outdoorsy person - a camper, hiker, boater, backpacker... Perhaps that's why I dislike winter so much. It keeps me stuck inside.

And now as I write this...I hear thunder rumbling. Some time ago this would've put a real damper (pardon the pun) on our plans for the evening. No more. We've learned to enjoy the summer no matter what. The campfire is sheltered enough by the tall pines that it doesn't matter if it rains. We have a big pavilion to dash under if it gets really wet. And I've learned to live with wet hair. That's the nice thing about getting older. Somethings just don't matter as much anymore. And others...well they do!

Perspective....

2008-07-17T15:21:00.003-05:00

It's hot here with a capital H! The kind of hot where the air is thick and the sweat runs down your neck even when you're sitting perfectly still in the shade. I've had errands to do all day which had me in and out of my car which has a waning air conditioning system. So no - I didn't run today - or walk. I saw a young lady running down the street earlier - really running - not just jogging as I tend to do. It made me feel guilty. For about a minute.

I'm also having a pity party here and trying to snap myself out of it. The job I interviewed for 2 weeks ago sent me the obligatory "thanks but no thanks" letter yesterday. I've applied for no less than 10 teaching positions this summer and that was the only one that even called me for an interview. I'm angry. Because I'm a good teacher but I'm past my prime. I was warned that districts didn't like to hire older teachers. But I didn't listen. I am now. Except there's nothing I can do about it. You can't prove age discrimination (even though it's blatant). It's too easy to "disprove."

So here I was sitting all mopey and PO'd. Feeling real sorry for Lora and focusing on me, myself and I. Then I visited some blogs and felt the Lord smacking me upside the head. My problems are big to me - but in the scope of life - not all that important. Not compared to what's going on in the lives of some of my blogging buddies.

Honi lost her mom on Tuesday. Alicia is going through a separation from her husband. And here I sit moaning about a job (or lack thereof.) I feel like a schmuck.

So today I'm going to take some time and ask the Lord to bless Honi and Alicia. To wrap his arms around them as each endures her own personal trial.

Please do the same.

A Good Summer Day....

2008-07-15T15:27:00.003-05:00

I did my run/walk yesterday. It wasn't as good as usual. I am a bit out of the groove from taking a few weeks off so I only ran in 5 minute spurts interspersed with walking. I did 2 miles but like I said - there was a lot of walking involved.

I spent the better part of the afternoon making blackberry jam. I know...lots of sugar in there - but I only use a wee bit on my toast and nothing beats homemade blackberry jam fresh off the bush. There's something about canning and freezing my own fruits and veggies that takes me to a place deep in my heart where I feel connected. To what, I'm not sure. The earth maybe? or perhaps it's that corny nostalgia that lives in me that yearns for simpler times.

When I was a young stay-at-home mom, nothing pleased me more than dragging out the canning supplies, donning one of my grandma's old aprons and working away until I had rows and rows of colorful jars filled with fresh picked veggies & fruits to see me through winter and remind me of summer.

I had a wonderful herb garden at one time too. Four raised beds divided by a mulched pathway with a little white fence keeping it all together. Now it's just a tangled mess. The fence is gone, the mulch has disappeared into the earth and there are only a few rotted boards proving that that there was any order at all there at one time. The oregano has crept into the grass and the lemon balm is still growing in a patch by the shed, but everything else has died off. I should clean the area up, plant some grass and make it look presentable before we sell the house. And I will....but for now I've just let it go. In all it's dishevelment - it's still a reminder of another time.

We have a big garden at the new house. One that takes up more time than we have now. Maybe when the house is finished and we're not doing a balancing act between two homes, I'll appreciate the garden again. For now...picking blackberries and putting up 7 jars of jam was enough to whet my nostalgic whistle.

My Weekend....

2008-07-13T13:58:00.004-05:00

I didn't run as promised. Not good. (Even though I had a legitimate reason.) Grandbaby woke up with a fever that eventually found it's way up to 103.5 which sent us to the Doctor's office. Poor little guy has some kind of a bug but since his mommy was at work all day - it was Grammy's job to cuddle & snuggle him through the rough spots.

So that was Friday's excuse.

Saturday - I was still working on that mountain of laundry (which now thank goodness is barely a mole hill) and then cut the grass which was way too long from our week away. (I cut here - hubby cuts at the new place. (Good deal....1/2 acre vs. 4 acres.) I then went over to the the new house to pick blueberries. The bushes were overflowing and time is of the essence if we want to beat the birds. All that and then we had to be at a graduation party by 2:00. And the run (which was ever in the back of my mind - did not happen.) Did I mention it was well over 90 degrees yesterday too?

Today it's been raining since I got up and I just can't bring myself to go out & run in the pouring ran. I did it once while it was drizzling...but not in a steady downpour. I'm not that devoted. And Sunday being a day of rest and all that.....

I see a very grim pattern happening. I have to *repeat * HAVE TO get back on track here!

So that's been my weekend. Hope yours has been more fruitful!

I'm Home!

2008-07-10T15:31:00.003-05:00

We just rolled in from an extended stay at the Lake. I have a mountain of laundry to do - and a gazillion things to unpack and put away *sigh* I want to be there - not here!

We had a great time and it was so nice to have all the kids and their spouses all together under one roof for a few days. The weather cooperated and gave us sunshine on cue almost everyday! We lazed around on the dock, floated in the lake on noodles, took lots of walks and boat rides (and yes - even one run) and had a wonderful campfire on the 4th as we watched the spectacular display of fireworks put on by fellow cottagers (ourselves included!)

After the kids all said their goodbyes and headed off in different directions - hubby and I ran down to the dock and hopped in the boat for a peaceful ride around the lake. We were intercepted by our friends across the lake and ended up having dinner there. The stars were incredible all week and were it not for the dock spiders (which I am terrified of) I would've spread my blanket right out there and stared at them all night long!

We had so much fun and it was so very hard to leave. We'd planned on coming home Monday night....but that stretched into Tuesday which turned into Wednesday.... And this morning hubby & I woke up, rolled over and looked at one another and relented that "it was time."

I hate leaving the lake....the slow pace where all that matters is if that there's a good book to be read, something cold to drink in the fridge and the warm sun on your shoulders. Life is simpler there. I always feel like I've stepped back in time a few decades. No TV. No computer. No mail. Not even a newspaper except the one we got when we rode into town on Wednesday to get a few more supplies.

And now I'm home looking at this mountain of laundry and afraid to step on the scale (no scale there either!) And I'm dreading tomorrow because I HAVE to get back on my running program which I've sorely neglected. Yes....I did run around the lake with my daughter - we did 10 minutes then a neighbor on the west side of the lake saw us and tagged along. She's not a runner so we walked a bit after the first 10 minutes - ran another five and then walked about an hour. But that's all I've done in over two weeks! If I don't get back on this now I never will.

So that was my week. While this one is winding down for the rest of you - I feel like a new one is just starting for me. Tomorrow I run. Do or die.

Where Do I Begin?

2008-07-02T19:32:00.005-05:00

Well I'm not going to bore you with the whole litany of why I've been missing and how busy my life has been. Let's just say life has been less than tranquil these past few days. No crisis or anything - everyone is well and the marriage is intact! But we hosted a large party (80 people) over the weekend (for my sister & her hubby's 40th birthday) which took a whole lot of elbow grease considering it was outside (at the new place) and we had to prepare all week to make things nice (the gardens and the yard mostly - which has been a construction zone for the past year so it needed some major overhaul!

And did I mention that Sunday was my birthday?....and I spent most of it in bed because I was up till 4 AM the night before (and at my age - 4 AM requires a full day of recuperation!)

I also had 3 job interviews in two days (one of which took a lot of prep on short notice....had to teach a 30 minute lesson to 6th graders and make sure I "wowed" my observers and jumped through all the right hoops.) And then there is this weekend. It's the big one for our family. We celebrate all the summer birthdays in one fell swoop. There are 12 total and it's literally Christmas in July with all those gifts.

We (my brood) always go to our cottage for the fireworks and then converge at my brother's on the next lake over for a big picnic on whatever Saturday happens to fall near the 4th. it's fun - it's crazy and the kids look forward to it all year!

It's also melancholy...bittersweet...for me. Because in my mind's eye the 4th was always celebrated at my folks cottage (two lakes over) when the kids were young. But my parents passed on 11 years ago and the traditions have changed. The proverbial torch has been passed - whether I wanted it to be or not. Not that I don't enjoy my new role! I love it - really! Having all my kids and their hubbies and my grandson all together at the lake is the best. Absolutely the best! But I still miss the old days...and the people that were a part of them (late hubby included.)

Wait. I wasn't going to bore you with my week, was I!? Sorry.

In spite of my non-posts though - I have been keeping tabs on all of you in the snippets of time I've found to log on. Just haven't been able to comment!

And now my dear friends...tomorrow we leave for the lake! The youngest daughter & hubby are bugging out of work early to drive in from Massachusetts. The middle daughter and her hubby have been there since last Friday - soaking up some alone time. The oldest & her boyfriend will meet us there tomorrow also and hubby & I plan to make it there by dinnertime.

There is no computer there. No phone (well...cell phones count I guess.) No TV reception - but hubby came across an old lady tossing out videos 2 days ago and brought home 164 VHS tapes of all sorts of good movies...so if it rain - we're set! (where to put the friggin' thing though??)

What I'm trying to day is that I'll be AWOL again until Monday. But I'll be thinkin' of you all and hoping those in the US are having a great 4th of July celebration. (I remember one year I was in Italy over the 4th and the waiter brought out a cake with a sparkler for us...to make us feel at home! It made me remember that I lived on the othe side of the world.)

Oh - and now the confession. I haven't run in a week. (I can hear Nan gasping now!) I could come up with a myriad of excuses....rain....lack of time...heat...and all of those things were true at the start. But then life got overwhelming and the mojo went out the door and now here I am feeling like a putz. But I DO plan on running with my daughter at the lake. Maybe every day. (She's a task master.)

So get out the wet noodle and send some lashes my way. I'm not giving up. I've come too far. But I do deserve a smack upside the head!

Have a happy 4th all! I love you guys!