Little Steps Make Big Strides....

Gosh, I still feel nauseous today. This bug is hanging on. And no...I'm not pregnant!

Last night the hubby and I went to a local restaurant in town to have dinner. It was the place we first met actually - a quaint little canal side place that's nestled in a nostalgic little village nearby. I ordered a sandwich and get this - a side of vegetables! (I am a total FRY girl when it comes to sides.) When the "whatever" syndrome started to surface, I fought back and told myself that it will be the little changes that will add up and make a difference. As it turned out the veggies were totally gross and I only ate a few forkfuls. (I would've eaten a lot more fries.)

And then the stomach thing hit. And all of a sudden the sandwich I was eating was too much. So I asked for a take out box. I'd only eaten about 4 bites of the sandwich. I NEVER get a take out box. I belong to the clean your plate club even if I have to force the last bites down. You know...starving kids in China and all that....

But taking the box home and just enjoying my husband's company instead of focusing on the food was kind of nice. And I think this incident showed me that yes - I CAN do it! (Not finish the whole meal if I'm full - AND order veggies instead of fries.) I'll be more particular about the veggies I order though.

I'm starting to feel changes in my eating style creeping in and that's a good thing. Even if I had to be sick in order to get the ball rolling. Now if I can get the exercise thing rolling again. With the good weather here - there will be lots of walking!

So baby steps....all the way to that elusive black dress that is waiting for me!

Eating in the Staff Lounge....

So I ate in the teacher's Lounge today. I do long term subbing for Art and bounce from school to school with few breaks in between. So I started a new school this week. And I went to the staff lounge for lunch. Now I remember why I usually eat in my classroom. Teachers that eat in the staff lounge don't eat real food. They eat salads, and cottage cheese, and carrot sticks and yogurt. Everyone drinks bottled water. They're not teachers - they're rabbits!

The teachers who eat REAL food don't go to the staff lounge. You'll find them eating their lunches in their rooms. Big bowls of left-over whatever they had last night....lasagna, chicken french, macaroni and cheese... They usually have a bag of chips stashed in their filing cabinet and candy bars in their desk drawer. Take out bags litter their trash can as well as empty snack packs of anything Hostess.

The teachers who eat in the staff lounge bow down to pressure. They have to "look" right. You know them - just the right outfit, just the right killer necklace, the right leather carry-all they sling over their shoulders as they leave each night (right next to their Gucci purses...) And looking "right" doesn't stop at lunch! They have to eat the "designer" lunch too!

Thing is...these teachers are usually skinny! Oh there's always that one....who eats all kind of garbage for lunch and is skinny as a rail (we're all nice to her but deep down despise her for her random luck in the genetic gene pool) but for the most part...the rest are slim because...well.....they eat right.

So I'm asking myself. This next job lasts until the end of the school year. Where am I going to eat this time around? I could get used to cottage cheese and salads and carrot sticks and yogurt. I think. One thing I know for sure. I could certainly get used to being skinny.

Hmmm. I'll let you know how this one pans out!

Life On Hold....Or Not!

Oh I feel so lousy today.... Achey, runny nose, tired, just plain flu-ish. I'm even skipping church today. No sense spreading the germs while our Pastor spreads the Word.

But being the optimist that I force myself to be ~ there is a bright side to all of this. I'm not hungry. There's been this little throw-up bug circulating through our house and none of us has wanted to eat much. That's about the only thing nice about being sick.

When I was about 21 I got a bad case of something at a clambake and had (well you know.....frequent trips to the potty for almost a month.) I lost 17 pounds without even trying. The unfortunate thing was that I was already thin! And everyone was so concerned. They thought I was dying of some dreadful disease. When all was said and done I gained some of the weight back, but not all. Again during that blissful phase of my life where dieting was something other people did. And I looked great!

So fast forward about 28 years. Now I'd love to lose weight so effortlessly. Well....I don't really want to be potty-bound again. The thing is, how desperate our mindset gets that we would actually welcome being sick if we knew it could help us lose weight. That's why I REALLY want to change my outlook. I want healthy. Not sick.

I remember when my Aunt's mom was diagnosed with stomach cancer and died 3 months later. We were standing at her casket and my Aunt wistfully commented, "Mom spent her whole life wishing she could be skinny. Now she is. I'll take fat." I never forgot that. Not that fat is any healthier. But it made me remember that life is such a precious gift and we can't waste it on yesterday or tomorrow. Today is all we've got. So I'm going to spend it fully and live it wisely. Sure I want to be thinner. And I'm working toward that goal. But in the meantime, my life isn't on hold until that day. I hope yours isn't either!

All Together Now!

Yesterday I did some blog surfing. For inspiration. And motivation. It helped. One in particular, Hopeful Loser really did the trick. She has posted photos of her weight loss efforts and it was so neat to see her shrinking!

You know, I always see those before and after photos that are hawking weightloss products and am skeptical. I mean, how do we know they didn't just switch heads & bodies? And have you ever noticed how the "after" shot is always at a different angle? Heck - I can make my self look20 pounds slimmer just by turning my body abit and sucking in my gut too! But this gal, Hopeful Loser had all of her shots at the same angle. No trick photography here! And you can see the transformation right before your eyes! It's inspiring!

So I stood in front of my full length mirror - in my undies - and posed just like her. (And I actually have the same type body she does....in her before pics of course.) But I could imagine myself losing and it seemed real this time! Like as in attainable!

That's why I love blogging. And reading blogs. We're all in this together and as I've stated before, there IS strength in numbers. So the next time I'm tempted to throw in the towel and order that Big Mac - I'm going to remember Hopeful Loser and keep going!

My Life As A Frog

So I found my weights. Well, not actually found the ones I lost...but found another set in the garage. No more excuses. And it's going to be 65 degrees today (yipee! Goodbye last remnants of snow!) so I'm going to walk.

Sometimes it just seems so insurmountable - this weight loss thing. The goal seems so far away. And I know, it's all relative. Those that need to lose over 100 lbs. would love to trade places with me. Just as I'd love to trade places with those that only have to lose 20. Better yet those who don't have to lose ANY!

But here I am. I told my daughter yesterday (whose also trying to lose) to focus on 10 lb. increments. It's easier that way. I guess I should heed my own advice. For every 10 lbs. I will reward myself. No - not with food! Maybe a new necklace or piece of jewelry. (We art teachers have to look "artsy", right?)

As for the scale issue....I think it's time to bite the bullet and buy a new one. I've been hesitating because I'm so afraid of what it's gonna say! I've suspected (known) for some time that mine was probably off. But in my defense - I figured it still records the losses and gains - just in numbers that are a little less scary.

I read a magazine article yesterday about weight loss....and this one woman said the turning point for her was when she asked her husband who that big woman in the red shirt was (in a picture they were looking at) and he told her it was her! She's gotten so big she didn't even recognize herself. I always used to joke that I was a "reverse" anorexic. I thought I was skinny. It's not that far from the truth - these false perceptions we have of ourselves. it's like the proverbial frog in the pan of boiling water. it happens so slowly that we aren't aware of it.

Well - this frog's jumping out. Maybe the frog will be my new incentive symbol. My own little reminder. Anyone want to join my lily pad?

Can you say THUNDER THIGHS?

So this is what I feel like today! Seriously! (And no....that's not me in the picture - but that's how I'm seeing myself today.)

Actually, when I woke up I felt pretty good. I stepped on my arch enemy Mr. Scale and it said I weighed 178 pounds. I was ecstatic! (Did I mention in an earlier post that I hated my scale?) Yes...I believe I did. Because it lies. And it did. My daughter went to the Dr. today and weighed herself before she left. And then compared that with what the Dr's scale said (same clothing, yada yada yada) and it was 10 pounds HIGHER! So am I actually 188??? UGHHHHH! I want to die!

Anyway, I do feel fatter than ever before. You know how the Special K ads talk about pinching an inch? Well...I can pinch about 4 inches. Really. I can't pinch an inch. I'm too fat!

So I'm feeling pretty crappy right now. But I'm NOT giving up. Nope. Not me not now. (another commercial catch phrase.)

I'm buying a new scale. So I can hate it some more.

I'm Back!!

Oh my gosh...How awful to be without a computer in this fast paced world. I can't believe how much I needed it and How I've come to depend on the speed at which we are able to get information these days. I will say on the flip side though...I certainly got a lot done these past few weeks. Every drawer in my house is now organized and tidy. I've managed to declutter an area that has been a thorn in my side for years (yes, years!) And the other day, my house was so clean and organized (very, very unlike me) that I actually couldn't think of anything to do!

Of course, did I exercise? Nooooo. I can't find my weights. Poor excuse, I know. I cleaned up so much that I forgot where I put them. So being one of the "all or nothing" type personalities I am....I didn't do ANY exercise the past 10 days! (Except walk - I did cover 2 miles for 3 days in a row, then the snow came back and I table that.)

But the biggest factor I believe was not having to be accountable to this blog. Even if the accountability is only to myself. Putting your goals in writing, chronicling your successes and failures, and seeing the light at the end of the tunnel (no matter how faint it is at the moment) works for me.

So I've lost 5 pounds total now. Not much, but I look at it like 5 boxes of butter. (they taught me that in weight watchers.) And 5 boxes of butter is a good amount of lard! And the real motivation here is that even my fat clothes were busting at the seams and I refuse - I repeat - I REFUSE to go another size bigger!

So for now, this butter ball is melting, albeit ever so slowly. But melting just the same. I'm looking forward to the day when I'm no longer "Fat in the can". tee hee :-)

Still waiting for the PC Fairy!

Oh I just can't stand not having my computer! The accountability factor has flown right out the window. Not having to check in everyday is making me very lax. But I'm hanging in there and will be back just as soon as my wonderful brother-in-law (the computer geek in our family) puts the finishing touches on our PC.

Writing at the library totally stinks - no privacy.

So until my machine is back where it belongs (on my dusty computer shelf) I'll be waiting in the wings.

Computer Problems!

My dumb old computer got a nasty virus and I will be off-line for a while except for the times I can sneak away to my local library - not something I want to do often as it's hard to divulge your diet woes with other patrons looking over your shoulder.

I'll be back as soon as I can - hopefully a little lighter too!